ISLAM—World's Greatest Religion!

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Is Love A Crime?

Read the rest of this entry »


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Need Your Support

Assalam Alaykum Brother and Sisters In Islam and friends,

How are you all of you ? Alhamdulilah im fine by Allah mercy.

Today im here to ask your little support like before… for the sake of Allah swt.

from last 2 years we renew our space on server  with contribution from few brother and sisters in Islam.You were able to download Quran,lectures,pdfs…but now Downloading of  Quran,pdfs,Mp3 lectures is stoped.

Again We have Re-register Our Server space,so we have to pay again,amount is big,so please give me your hands and make my hand stronger.

Every day Islam haters are  coming with concepts to abuse and how to STOP ISLAM.they shamelessly spread lies against Our Lord,islam,muhammad s.a.w and spread lies.

We as Muslims need to work even harder to let people know the truth of Islam and expose their lies.We have to stand and utilize technologies to get more strength. we need your help.We need your contribution to this project.

Donate towards our work and support our cause.

You can donate via PAYPAL,Bank Transfer or Western Union.

And i think i dont have to inform everyone about the rewards of spending in Allah’s cause,indeed every person who ever will use contents from site,you will get rewarded for this.

may Allah help me in these works and reward those who support us,
May Allah save me from falling in riba,
ameen.

King
slave of Allah

if anyone want to know what we have done,and growth of this site,then do let me,know…i will love to share with everyone.

NOTES :

 YOU CAN PAY ACCORDING TO UR POCKETS.

DONT GIVE ME FALSE HOPES (many says they will help , and ask inf,when i send then they never come back)

DONT DO LATE :

It is said spend in charity when someone really need it,even prophet also said

The Prophet also said: “Give charity without delay, for it stands in the way of calamity.” – Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 589

so,do on time,we have 1 month …we r in grace period,in this they will keep our date,after 1 month,they will remove it.

Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

line1

Note:I’d love to see who visit my website,your views about website. Click here to leave your feedback.

line1

Stay Connected With Free Updates

If you cannot visit this site everyday and would like to receive our articles everyday via email, please click here and enter your email address in the new window.

PLEASE CHK YOUR EMAIL AFTER SUBMITTING EMAIL,YOU MUST CONFIRM SUBSCRIPTION !


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

8 ways of finding the right person to marry

Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Now wake up and listen to this short lesson in some important “Do’s and Dont’s” along with other useful information inshaaAllaah.

#8 AVOID FACEBOOK SPOUSES

And any other social network for that matter

Since we spend most of our time online these days, it is very easy to try to fulfil all our needs online, even the need of finding a soul mate. Now don’t get me wrong, there are marriages who actually do work out, and I am not by any means hating on brothers and sisters who made it work (whatever floats your boats akhis and ukthis, just keep it halaal), but let’s face it, the Internet is a very weird place.

Everyone always tries to seem holier than they really are, even a Kaafir could pretend to be Muslim scholar for all you know.  In the good old days people married other people who they actually knew, and life was much more smooth, in very broad terms.

But today you marry someone who comes across as religious online only to find out on your wedding night he isn’t really that strict on Salah, oh and did I mention he has tons of friends who just happen to be girls? And not to mention he smokes (sorry forgot to tell you that too, my bad) the point is, be very careful concerning ANY online proposals.

If the person is serious and a good guy, drop them your wali’s number and don’t communicate with them anymore, then you’ll know if the person is really a gentleman or not.

#7 BEFRIEND GOOD PEOPLE

Looks more and more promising

This will open up the door for networking later on, because one of the main problems today is that a lot of people ask, ‘OK but how do I meet good potential spouses?’ and they often say ‘I don’t know anyone!’ but in reality everyone knows SOMEBODY.

Be it that friend who you only seem to meet at the masjid for big events, or your cousin who you don’t spend much time with, there is always someone you can befriend. But keep in mind that these individuals should be good practising people themselves because then they can help introduce you to other practising people who in turn might have brothers and sisters who are looking for marriage.

Trust me, it works. Try it for yourselves and see, but just don’t become that one sister (or brother) who ALWAYS talks about marriage and the opposite gender, because chances are you might get labelled as “thirsty” if not worse.

And if that fails, there is always facebook.

#6 BE AT GOOD PLACES

Do not confuse booty call material for wifey material

In the same way that you won’t find your amazing virgin niqabi wife at the club, dancing late into the night. You, yourself need to be looking in the right places, and this sort of brings us back to the previous point.

Attend lectures, study circles or maybe even volunteer to help at the masjid etc, all these activities will open up the door for you to meet the right people and once you get to know them you can raise the issue of marriage discreetly.

Remember most people who marry will tell you they got to know their spouse either through family and friends, or they might have actually met whilst doing the same activities, so try to be more active and don’t just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Oh and also stop going to the club.

DISCLAIMER: This website does not endorse any talking between the genders without the supervision of a Wali. Be a man and step up your game if you truly love her. Otherwise go to facebook.

#5 BE REALISTIC

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

You will end up on facebook surfing from one profile to the other.

#4 INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS

I mean at least this brother has his own house, so that’s always a plus right?

Most people don’t like doing this, for whatever reason. Most girls are just simply too shy to bring marriages up to their parents, in case the parents look at them as “horny” or a victim of teenage hormones. Others are afraid that if they involve the parents they will feel pressured into marrying someone they don’t want to marry, only to please their parents.

You remember that one time your friend mentioned to HER parents that she wanted to get married? And for her parents to help her look for a decent brother? And how they totally misunderstood her and now you heard that your friend moved back to Bangladesh and has 7 kids at the age of 21? Yeah that’s totally not going to happen to you.

Now what I am suggesting is a middle path. Bring the topic up to your parents, or if you’re too shy, speak to your brother or someone else who can raise the issue with your parents. And then ask your parents to look around for you, remember they can only suggest but the final decision still lies with you. And most of us really don’t make use of this option, which is very sad.

Our parents are the only human beings alive on the face of this earth who would do anything and everything for us, so why not consult them?

#3 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Believe it or not brothers, marriage is more than just mating and lying in bed. Shocking I know!

I don’t mean to scare you away by raising this question, as Muslims we should always aim to get married since it is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet.

But sometimes, some people rush into marriage. They think just because they are physically ready (have urges etc) that they should get married, forgetting that even the Prophet actually mentioned that those who have the MEANS to get married should do so. Now having the means is not just having a mature body, or even loads of cash. Rather it also about being mentally stable and able to cope with the hardships of marriage.

Don’t worry though, in marriage all you need is love to make things work (like they always say right?) so no need to over think things, love conquers all! Except that’s a total lie, marriage needs so much more, and even though love is a key element in marriage it is not always what keeps a marriage going.

Remember marriage is not all sunshine and fun, sometimes you will argue sometimes you wont love each other as much, what will happen then? Will you ask for a divorce just because the marriage isn’t fun anymore?

What if there are children involved, then what? The point is, prepare yourself for marriage mentally. Read up on the rights of the Husband and the rights of the Wife, don’t just marry because you’re 20 and feel you have to. This husband will be either your Jannah or Hell, do you really know what that means?

Similarly this wife and future children will be your responsibility as a husband, Allaah will ask you about them and everything they do, so be prepared.

#2 WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF?

Because that is how I roll

‘Ofcourse I would, I am pure awesomeness, I am the very defin…’ if that is your answer then I can tell you right now that you don’t really have the right mentality for marriage. We often get blinded by the search for the ultimate partner that we neglect to look at ourselves.

We cry and say why won’t anyone marry me? But do nothing to change ourselves. How do you treat people when you get upset? What do you do if you hold a grudge? Do not turn a blind eye to all these important issues, rather tackle them one by one. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.

If you truly and sincerely work on your own flaws, and really do become more caring and loving then you will notice how people will look at you differently. People will start to think of you as ‘wifey’ material because you are good with kids, because you care for others, because you forgive people and don’t hold grudges don’t gossip etc the list is long but if you take one step at a time you will be married before you know it.

Well you would know of it, ’cause I mean you couldn’t get married without knowing about it, right? So technically you would know about it, but yeah whatever.

#1 DU’AA

Dua is the weapon of the believer, why not use it?

Because like anything in life, Allaah is the true reason behind things. Even though some people often roll their eyes and think ‘Yeah right the old, make dua brother/sister’ but if you truly have faith in Allaah and know that He answers the prayers of those in need, you will never get tired of making du’aa to Him.

Take the story of Muusa alyhi salaam as an example, in Soorah Qasas we are told about how he left Fir’awn and was literally fleeing for his life, his one concern was saving his own skin. But what happened? He made du’aa to Allaah, and Allaah not only saved him but blessed him with a wonderful wife. So in short, if you make du’aa and don’t give up Allaah will help you, and that is a promise!

Read More Articles

Falling in Love Allowed in Islam

Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

line1

Note:I’d love to see who visit my website,your views about website. Click here to leave your feedback.

line1

Stay Connected With Free Updates

If you cannot visit this site everyday and would like to receive our articles everyday via email, please click here and enter your email address in the new window.

PLEASE CHK YOUR EMAIL AFTER SUBMITTING EMAIL,YOU MUST CONFIRM SUBSCRIPTION !


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In-laws or Outlaws

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbid all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion; He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.”

(Surah An-Nahl: Verse 90)

Almost every society especially the ones flourishing in subcontinent or the ones influenced by subcontinent culture is a huge victim of interference of both parents and in-laws in the affairs of  children especially after their marriage. Parents should understand that Allah has bestowed upon them set of responsibilities towards their children and like versa.  However it is evidently clear from Quran and Sunah that children are not the properties of their parents and vice versa and therefore no-one owns no one.  Every time either party goes beyond their already set responsibilities or expectations— injustice shall arise and chaos shall be inevitable/un-avoidable. Surely in that case, involved party shall be answerable before Allah!!!

Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise practice is deeply rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interferences.  Kindly find below refreshing take on certain aspects to help sort out this serious issue:

01.  Love & Jealousy – One should learn to accept that different kind of love exists and each has its own capacity and its importance, eg. Children’s love to their parents, husband’s love to his wife, brother’s love to his sister and so on. Once either son or daughter gets married, mothers commonly feel jealous that their children love their spouse more than them. Kindly understand that the love of your children towards you is always there and could not be compared with their bond and commitment towards their spouses.

02.  Confidence – Be confident in your children’s love and do not suspect them just because they need to divide their time towards spouses after the marriage.  Be sure to keep loving you them as before and let the children know of it.    Always let them know that you are there for them no matter what for any guidance

03.   Care – Common issue relating to care and looking after parents after marriage is that parents often wrongfully blame their son in-law or daughter in-law for not taking care of them enough or at least that’s how it is perceived —this is mainly applicable to situations where daughter in laws are concerned. It should be very clear that it is mainly the duty of children themselves to fully accept and fulfill their responsibilities towards their own respectful parents.  Majority of the times, parents either fail to realize or still in denial to accept that in many cases it is their own children’s negligence and only they are to be blamed—this applies mainly to cases where son responsibilities are concerned towards its own parents.

04.  Consultation – When one gets married, issues relating to spouses/marriage are bound to emerge—in which case one can always go to their parents or in-laws for guidance. Make sure that one should consult them and should not complain to them. If one comes across as complaining to their in-laws about their daughter or son—it shall be taken negatively and shall always create a negative impression.

05.  Advice for parents/in-laws- Remember always to advise your children rather than ordering them or imposing your suggestions on them.

06.  Involvement of parents/in-laws – Don’t get involved in the details of your children’s marriage life– let them explore and experience their lives on themselves.  Let them handle things on their own unless they come to you for your help and advice! Remind yourself all the time, that when you got married you wished the same.

07.  Gifts – Often give gifts, small and immaterial it may seem, to your parents and in-laws as it has a magic effect.  Love needs expression so such kind gestures show one’s love and care to them. Always remember to be fair and just between parents and in-laws.

08.  Forgiveness – Whatever your parents or in-laws say or do–always be willing and ready to let issues go by.  Allah loves those who forgive and forget and is considered one of the best attributes to have.

Keeping in mind the Qur’anic verse where Allah says;

”and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say *Uff* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect. And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young.”

(Qur’an 17:23-24)

 09.  Privacy of couples—Keep your family matters within the walls do not disclose them unless it is necessary.

10.  In-law’s respect and care for daughter-in-law – Let the daughter-in-laws know of your respect, care and love for them specially through your actions. Express her of your happiness and satisfaction upon her marriage to your son, and how wonderful of a wife she has been to him. If she happens to be a mother, tell her what a wonderful mother she is. No one ever gets tired of hearing sincere compliments. Do compliment her and say “JazakAllah” when “JazakAllah” is due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture is a duty to her towards that needs to be obeyed.

11.   Realizing that you are you and she is she- Your daughter-in-law will most likely do things differently than you. If it bothers you, just smile and bear it. Don’t try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, the little details aren’t important. Don’t let them cause tension between you.

12.   To Mother in-laws – You have seen each one of them grow from young ladies, to loving, caring women. Give them the same unconditional love that you give your sons.

13.   To Mother in-laws – They were raised by families with different backgrounds than yours. They each have their own ways of doing things. They have learned a lot from you, and, hopefully, your relationship will get better with time.”

Needless to say, some of the comments above may be relevant to fathers-in-law as much as it is to mothers-in-laws. In order to sustain the key elements of a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law/ son-in-law a concerted EFFORT is to be made in establishing and maintaining it. Nonetheless, as this article has concentrated on the mother-in-law; it is not intended to portray a one sided approach or to demonize them in anyway. To equally sustain and maintain this balance—it requires and needs the daughter-in-law/ son-in-law play their parts with similar awareness, respect, care and patience. As the cliché’ goes: “It takes two hands to clap”.

14.  Be a good wife and be a good husband that no one will ever criticize you.

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.)

(Qur’an 41:34-35)

– Allah knows best –

Recommended Articles

Hijab is not to protect Men,but to honor women

Women In Islam :: Pointers for Western Mind

Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

line1

Note:I’d love to see who visit my website,your views about website. Click here to leave your feedback.

line1

Stay Connected With Free Updates

If you cannot visit this site everyday and would like to receive our articles everyday via email, please click here and enter your email address in the new window.

PLEASE CHK YOUR EMAIL AFTER SUBMITTING EMAIL,YOU MUST CONFIRM SUBSCRIPTION !


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

72 Virgins in Islam Male? or Female?

Some say 70 or 72 virgin girls with large (you know what) waiting in Jennah. Others told we have like boys and girls both. But would like to know what is really being taught about this in Islam, if anything?

As usual, we should begin by understanding the meaning of the words from Arabic to English:

Classical Arabic usage

According to classical Arabic usage in the time when the Qur’an was recited by Muhammad:
Hur حور is one word which is the plural of Hawraa’  حوراء which is a word that describes a woman having eyes with a marked contrast of white and black, also said of the eye intensely white and deep black.

It is also the plural of Huriya حورية

AlEin العين is another word which is the plural of Einaa’ عيناء meaning a woman with beautiful wide eyes.

Hur’in is made of two words Hur as well as In. The word ‘Hur’ is the plural of both Ahwar (Masculine) and Hawra (Feminine) which literally translates as “white-eyed”, or persons distinguished by Hawar, signifying “intense whiteness of the eyeballs and lustrous black of the pupils.” (ref: Qamus ), hence ‘the purity’ (ref: Tafsir al’Tabari, and Tafsir al-Razi in 3:52).

And as for the phrase, “In it is the plural of both ‘Ayan’ (Masculine) and ‘Ainao’ (Feminine)”, it was also used to refer to the beautiful eyes of the wild-cow whose eyes are blond. In general, this word implies ‘most beautiful eye’ irrespective of the person’s gender. Thus, it seems that the most appropriate English rendering of the compound word Hur’In might be: “Companions pure, most beautiful of eye, and it is applicable to both male and female.

First of all, there are a few mistakes in what you said in your question.

There are “males” mentioned to be in the Jennah. These are young males who are always smiling and shy-like and the best of attendants to those who achieve the Paradise. The “huri” are mentioned as “hurlayn” (two females).

One translator has referred to these two (based on other verses and hadeeth) as: two “perpetual” virgins.

Like the males, they are also shy-like and attentive to the people of Paradise. The fact they are perpetual and have never been touched by “jinn or men” in a sexual way, is proof enough this is not all about sexual relations.

Second, the things in Jennah are not like anything here on earth. Whereas, nothing here on earth is perfect, EVERYTHING in Jennah is exactly perfect, and it is perfect for each individual. The food of Paradise is beyond description and the sounds cannot even be imagined. The things of this world would only be thought of as something much less and not comparable to the things of Paradise.

Third, the goal of the Muslims is not to go to jennah (paradise) for girls or sex.

Let’s consider the following –

Qur’anic description:

The houri have variously been described as being “restraining their glances (chaste)”, “modest gaze”, “wide and beautiful/lovely eyes”, “like pearls”, “spouse”, “companions of equal age”, “splendid” and much more besides.Other descriptions: Some descriptions are more superficial than others. For example, “non-menstruating/urinating/defecating and childfree or being able to have a short pregnancy lasting an hour”, “with bodies not affected by pregnancy or breast-feeding”, “60 cubits [27.5 meters] tall”, “7 cubits [3.2 meters] in width”, “transparent to the marrow of their bones”, “eternally young”, “hairless except the eyebrows and the head”, “pure”, “beautiful”, etc.

Now let us come to the subject of the nature of the people of Jennah, inshallah. They are not like here. People of the dunyah are born into this world without being able to choose anything about the whole thing. People of Jennah can even choose which door they would like to enter by, in many cases. In this life we make choices, but don’t always get what we want. Paradise is the place where the inhabitants always get exactly what they want or better.

Each time the people of the Paradise eat, it will be better than anything prior. The food will always be perfect, and the flavor excellent. There will not be any burping or choking, coughing, throwing up or gas problems from food. There will not be any food being digested and moving to the bowels or kidneys to be excerted as here on earth. Food is simple eaten, swallowed and then it comes out of the pores of the skin as a mist and then it returns back to its original form and shape. There is no need of eating to maintain health or to keep fit. This is completely different.

The same is true of the other things of the body, because the body of the Paradise is not the body of this world. Everything is perfect. The women do not have monthly cycles, nor do they go to the bathroom or any of the things for relief as we know it here. This helps us to understand there would not be physical relations as we know them here. The evil thoughts and lust are not a part of the Paradise. Only pure and good things are there.

For those people whose minds are engrossed in the filth and folly of this life, naturally they will try to compare what we know about the Jennah to their own sick, dirty and unfulfilled world. When they try to compare what they know to what Allah has in store for the people of Paradise, they will never comprehend even the smallest beauty there. Leave these people and their thinking and come to the correct thinking of the true believers in Allah.

After all, the goal of every real believer in Allah, is not to find a hot babes in hot tubs. It is to be close to the other people of Paradise, those who have the same love for Almighty God and all the prophets, peace be upon all of them, and enjoy the peace, serenity and tranquility of the beauties no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard and no mind has ever imagined.

The highest goal of all, for the true believer, is to be with the One most deserving of love, the One from Whom all love originates, the All-Loving “Al-Wadud” and The Only God – Allah Subhannah wa Ta’ala.

NOTE: some people said the word “hurulayn” did not have gender. But according to our research it does refer both male and female gender. Allah Knows best. I try to stick with the scholars of real knowledge and leave the speculation to people with more knowledge than me.

Guess we will find out when we get to Jennah (I pray to Allah to give us His Jennah, ameen). But I do appreciate everyone’s comments – keep them coming… inshallah.

May Allah Guide you and increase your knowledge of true Islam, ameen.

Yusuf Estates

Recommended Articles

Men Get Hour in Jannah,but What do Women Get ?

Hijab is not to protect Men,but to honor women

A Lecture of Modesty By Revert Sister Mariam Francois (Ex-British Actress)

Women In Islam :: Pointers for Western Mind

Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

line1

Note:I’d love to see who visit my website,your views about website. Click here to leave your feedback.

line1

Stay Connected With Free Updates

If you cannot visit this site everyday and would like to receive our articles everyday via email, please click here and enter your email address in the new window.

PLEASE CHK YOUR EMAIL AFTER SUBMITTING EMAIL,YOU MUST CONFIRM SUBSCRIPTION !


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Twelve Important Tips for a Happy Marriage Life

1) Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often

Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, (سبحانه وتعالى), in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself, then, becomes an act of worship, and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) will be pleased with them, and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. Realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
2) Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam

Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.

The Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said: None of you are true believers until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. [Bukhari,2/12] Subhanallah, how many marriages could this hadith alone save? It counters every kind of negative treatment and encourages every kind of good treatment!

3) Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations

Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and expect perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality, and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when we discover our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, leads to contentment within the marriage.

4) Focus on the Best in Your Spouse

Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Express encouragement, praise, and gratitude on a regular basis, to strengthen these qualities and to encourage developing others. Make an attempt to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” [Muslim, 8/3469]

5) Be Your Mate’s Best Friend

Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

6) Spend Quality Time Together

It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship.Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option they choose and distractions should be kept to a minimum.

The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to race with his wife, ‘Aisha (رضي الله عنها). Sometimes she won, and sometimes he won. Remember, he was in his fifties at the time!–how many of us think we are to “mature” to do something enjoyable that can also, with a proper intention, count as an act of worship and ring in piles of good deeds?

7) Express Feelings Often

This seems like a very “Western” concept and one that some people may struggle with, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings,both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that, what begins as a simple concern, may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” never fixes anything in the long-term.

8) Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness

Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also ask our spouses to forgive us when we make mistakes. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

9) Never Bring Up Past Mistakes

It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but in the proper manner and with the best of intentions and etiquettes.

10) Surprise Each Other at Times

This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunch-box. A little imagination goes a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively impact the marriage.

11) Cultivate a Sense of Humour

Joke with your spouse. This particular aspect goes a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner helps make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic, and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.

In fact, the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) himself joked with his wives, as well as with companions (though without lying), and tolerated some companions who were known for being light-hearted and prankish.

12) Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements

* Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.

* Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.

* Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.

* Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.

* Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.

* If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

* Remember your house in Paradise! The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings [suburbs] of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.[Abu Dawud, 41/4782]

By Dr. Aisha Hamdan (additional notes are italicized).


Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


Subscribe & BookMark


Updates via FeedBlitz

Bookmark and Share

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Join 50,630 other followers

Subscribers and Followers

TwitterCounter for @islamg8religion

2200+ Subscribers via Wordpress.

Group / Community / Channel

Ramadan Important Articles

Smoking Haram in Islam

Music in Ramadan

8 Tips to finish Quran

Hot Ramadan Articles









Zakat Ul-Maal

Easy Good Deeds

8 tips to finish quran in Ramadan

How Prophet pbuh fasted ?

Last 10 days

Night prayers in Ramadan

Salat-al-Tawbah

What you can do in 10 minutes

What you can do in 1 minute ?

Biography of Muhammad s.a.w

Read Sealed Nectar :: Biography of Muhammad s.a.w

Read Sealed Nectar :: Biography of Muhammad s.a.w

Occupation 101-Movie

Important links

Top Rated

Download Holy Quran

List of Categories

Archives

Picture Gallery

Equality in IsLAM

Alhamdulilah Wallpaper

Pray Before You are prayed Upon

quran-fada2el-swar0050 copy

the-pudency Hadith Wallpaper

More Photos

Islam great religion official page

Islamic Wallpapers!

eXTReMe Tracker <!-- var EXlogin='islamgr8' // Login var EXvsrv='s11' // VServer EXs=screen;EXw=EXs.width;navigator.appName!="Netscape"? EXb=EXs.colorDepth:EXb=EXs.pixelDepth;EXsrc="src"; navigator.javaEnabled()==1?EXjv="y":EXjv="n"; EXd=document;EXw?"":EXw="na";EXb?"":EXb="na"; EXd.write("");//-->

Users Visted till today ::

  • 17,561,929 hits

Site Status !

nettworkedblog

Islamic Links


Islam —- World’s Greatest Religion ! ? IS - Blogged

Religion Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory


Blogged.com

Religion Blogs - Blog Rankings


You could put your verification ID in a
comment

Or, in its own meta tag

Or, as one of your keywords

Updates from Twitter!

Links



Gaza Under Attack Photos

Important Articles

web stat

Picture Gallery

Follow me on Twitter

%d bloggers like this: