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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

A letter from a Christian Women to Muslim women

‘…Most of us are not happy, trust me…”

 
Church-Prayer-370x307
A letter from a Christian Women to Muslim women

”…Most of us are not happy, trust me…”
March 7th, 2007
By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist – USA

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice.

I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness. Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison.

There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes. They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti- depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6).

Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you. The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead.

Only to leave her too! Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart
I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre- marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears. Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart.

We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is real ly supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration.

From your Christian sister with love.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Terrorism is to Jihad as Adultery is to Marriage

Terrorism_JIHAD_Marraige

For the past four days I had been working on the following article, which I intended to post yesterday evening. However, I then heard about the vile and sadistic act of violence carried out by two men with knives and a meat cleaver in Woolwich. So I thought it best to review the blog post in light of the event, to see if I should develop it in any way. But barring a few edits here and there, I am posting the article more or less as it was originally written.

This is a brief overview of what Islam has to say about jihad, terrorism and the sanctity of human life. It bases itself, not on the need to please policy makers or the powers to be, nor on a colonialised mindset desperate to fit Islam into some acceptable liberal mould, but upon the texts of the Qur’an and the Sunnah, and the consensus (ijma’) and considerations of mainstream Muslim jurists.

On a personal note, combating terrorism, and its ideological underpinnings, has long been a significant part of my da’wah or outreach programme; and all praise is for God. It was animated long before the events of 9-11 or 7-7; since 1992 in fact, when a few of my teachers in shari’ah alerted me to its realities, dangers and its unIslamic character. What follows is, as stated earlier, a brief trek across some of that terrain:

1. The first thing to mention in this regards is Islam’s outlook concerning the sanctity (hurmah) of human life. For as Islam views it, the human creature is indeed a sacred creation; so much so that: Whoever kills a person for other than crimes of manslaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as if he has killed the whole of humanity; and whosoever saves the life of one person, it shall be as if he has saved the whole of humanity. [5:32] Such, then, is the extraordinary value placed on human life in the Qur’an. And thus, as will be shown, acts of terror where women, children and other civilians are intentionally targeted and killed is categorically repudiated by Islam and by the agreement of those versed in law and learning among the Muslims.

2. Jihad as a word stems from jahada, which means: to strive, to exert oneself, to take extraordinary pains. As for its religious sense, al-Raghib al-Asbahani (d.425H/1034CE) defines it thus: ‘Exerting one’s utmost ability in repelling an enemy, and it is of three kinds: namely, contending against the outward enemy, the devil, and one’s ego. Each of these enters into God’s statement, exalted is He: And strive for God as He rightly must be striven for. [22:78] And strive with your wealth and your lives in the cause of God. [9:41] Also: Those who believed and left their homes and strove with their wealth and their lives in the cause of God. [8:72]’1

3. In Islam, the decision about war and peace is not left to scholars, soldiers, or anyone else. Rather it rests with the head of state who wields executive authority. This being a cardinal rule of warfare in Islam. Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi (d.620H/1223CE) explains the rule like so: ‘The question of declaring war [or not] is entrusted to the head of state and his decision (amr al-jihad mawkulun ila’l-imām wa ijtihadihi). Compliance with the decision is the subject’s duty in terms of what the authorities deem fit in the matter.’2 Al-Buhuti (1051H/1641CE) echoes the principle: ‘Declaring jihad or not is entrusted to the head of state and his decision, for he best knows the condition of the Muslims and of the enemy.’3

4. The classical Islamic doctrine that forbids killing non-combatants and civilians in an outward (military) jihad takes its cue from the Prophet’s words, peace be upon him: ‘March forth in the name of God, trusting in God and adhering to the religion of God. Do not kill elderly men, infants, young children or women.’4 And Ibn ‘Umar relates that the Prophet, peace be upon him, ‘forbade the killing of women and children.’5

5. After quoting the last hadith, imām al-Nawawi (d.676H/1277CE) typified the juristic consensus on the issue when he said: ‘Scholars concur upon acting by this hadith and forbid the killing of women and children, provided that they do not engage in combat. But if they do, the overwhelming majority of scholars (jamahir al-‘ulema) hold that they may be fought.’6 Ibn Qudamah, explaining the logic behind the consensus against not fighting women, the elderly, children, monks or traders, writes that each of these ‘are non-combatants (laysa min ahl al-qital).’7 Again, he states: ‘It is not permissible to kill a child among them, nor the insane, nor a woman, monk, elderly man, someone with a debilitating illness, and nor a blind man – except if they fight.’8

6. Thus, as has been shown, the intentional targeting and killing of civilians, which a fringe minority now seek to pass off as a bonafide jihad, is a gross departure from the classical juristic consensus and a perversion of the prophetic teachings. The wanton carnage and urban mayhem unleashed upon civilian lives, and the twisted re-readings of Islam’s scriptural sources by the current vanguards of terrorism, must continue to be denounced, repudiated and textually exposed. In unmasking terrorism (hiraba) for what it truly is, it has been aptly contended that: ‘Terrorism is to jihad what adultery is to marriage.’9 The Qur’an says: ‘What! Have you slain an innocent soul though he has killed nobody? Truly you have done a thing most foul.’ [18:73]

7. One argument extremists use to justify their acts of terror is to allege that civilians living in a democracy aren’t innocent at all. Their logic runs like this: In a democracy the government represents the will of the people, therefore civilian populations are complicit in their government’s foreign policies and are thus legitimate targets in war. This allegation is as false as it is factually distorted. What this reductionist everyone’s-guilty-in-a-democracy argument ignores or overlooks is that large swathes of citizens in a democracy may not agree with their government’s foreign policies, or even have voted them into power! So how can such citizens be complicit in their government’s actions? The anti-war demonstrations and protests against the Iraq war, for instance, which scores of millions of ordinary citizens across Western Europe and the United States rallied behind, is enough to show the fallacy of such logic. Moreover, as we shall see below, the shari’ah still considers such people as not being min ahl al-qital – “actual combatants”.

8. A more direct rebuttal of this twisted logic would be to look at the context in which the Prophet, peace be upon him, prohibited the killing of women, children and other civilians in war. This injunction was given when the Prophet, peace be upon him, and the early Muslims were in the midst of war with the pagan Arabs of Mecca, whose goal was no less than the extermination of Muslims. The Makkan idolators were a tightly–knit confederacy whose tribal elders would make decisions collectively at their tribal councils. The average person in such a society had far greater access to their elders and leaders and far more influence on policies than any citizen in today’s Western democracies. In fact, it was not uncommon for women (either married or related to tribal leaders, or those with social influence) to pressurise, cajole and even threaten their husbands into war with the Muslims, on pain of family disgrace and tribal ignominy, if they did not do so. During the battle of Uhud, women, led by Hind, even went out onto the battlefield to lend moral support to the aggressors. In spite of knowing all this, the Prophet, peace be upon him, still insisted: ‘Do not kill elderly men, young children, or women.’10 And when he once saw a woman that had been killed, he said: ‘This is not one who should have been fought.’11

9. Another proof used to justify the killing of civilians is a hadith in which the Prophet was asked about some of the idolators whose settlements had been attacked at night and which resulted in a few women and children being killed. This led him to say: ‘They are from them (hum minhum).’12 There are two reasons why this hadith cannot be used in this manner: Firstly, a large body of jurists consider the hadith to have been abrogated by the explicit command to ‘not kill civilians in war.’13 Secondly, jurists who do permit night raids that could result in civilian loss clearly state: ‘This is provided they [women, children and other non-combatants] are not deliberately targeted.’14 It is also interesting that a leading jurist of early Islam, as well as the actual sub-narrator of this hadith, imām al-Zuhri, would qualify the above hadith by immediately relating the hadith which forbids killing civilians. Thus: ‘Whenever al-Zuhri related this hadith, he would say: “Ka’b b. Malik’s son narrated to me; from his uncle … that the Prophet, peace be upon him, forbade the killing of women and children.”’15

10. Another aspect of the shari’ah which bears on the subject, but which has also come under extremism’s aberrant re-readings, is the notion of ‘aqd al-aman – “the covenant of security”. What this implies is that Muslims residing, for instance, in a non-Muslim land – either native born, naturalised or legal resident – are under an explicit pact or contract which renders all non-Muslim life, property and honour sacrosanct. That is, Muslim citizens of non-Muslim countries cannot engage in acts of aggression against their own state of fellow citizens. Ibn Qudamah said: ‘As for treachery towards them, this is expressly forbidden. For they only granted him security on condition that he not betray them and that they be safe from his harm. If this is not stipulated in explicit terms, it is implicitly implied. …This being so, it is unlawful for us to be treacherous to them, since this is betrayal; and our religion has no place for betrayal. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “The Muslims fulfil their contracts.”16’17

11. It isn’t possible to stress enough how seriously orthodox Islam takes the obligation to honour contracts and covenants, or how unlawful it is for a Muslim who lives or resides in a land to then attack it or its citizens. What should also be appreciated is that a Muslim may even hold the following opinion with no internal contradiction with the above ten points: that America and Britain are waging wars of aggression in the Middle East; however, Muslims who are under a pledge of security may not attack their country, nor its soldiers, nor any of its citizens. One hadith has this threat of humiliation and ignominy: ‘For every person who betrays a covenant will have a flag at his back on the Day of Judgement, which will be raised according to the level of his treachery.’18

To conclude: the chorus of condemnation from Islam’s textual sources and religious authorities, against acts of terror, must continue to ring out urgently and loudly. If we wish to be dissenting voices on any issue of domestic or foreign policy, we must find legitimate ways within the democratic process to voice such dissent.

It is to their credit that Muslim scholars, despite differences between them on a whole array of theological and legal issues, have come out so unanimously against terrorism. What we also ask of them is to continue to strive to expose and eradicate the deviant notions and assumptions that underpin it. Our governments (British and American) also have a responsibility to act. For they can drain much of the extremists’ anger by securing a fair resolution to the Palestinian problem, closing Guantanamo Bay prison, and enacting just foreign policies. It is for the Muslim scholars, however, to vanquish the twisted fiqh-cum-theology of the terrorists.

1. Mufradat Alfaz al-Qur’an (Damascus: Dar al-Qalam, 2002), 208.

2. Al-Mughni (Saudi Arabia: Dar al-‘Alam al-Kutub, 1999), 13:11.

3. Kashshaf al-Qina’ (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Nasr al-Hadithah, n.d.), 3:41.

4. Abu Dawud, Sunan, no.2614.

5. Bukhāri, no.3015; Muslim, no.1744.

6. Sharh Sahih Muslim (Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-‘Ilmiyyah, 1995), 12:43.

7. Al-Mughni, 13:178.

8. ‘Umdat al-Fiqh (Riyadh: Dar al-Mayman, 2009), 220.

9. Abdal Hakim Murad, Contentions, 5/7, at http://www.masud.co.uk

10. Abu Dawud, no.2614.

11. Abu Dawud, no.2669; Ibn Majah, no.2842.

12. Bukhāri, no.3012.

13. See: Ibn Hajr al-‘Asqalani, Fath al-Bari Sharh Sahih Bukhāri (Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-‘ilmiyyah, 1989), 6:182.

14. As per the classical Hanbali jurist, al-Buhuti, Kashshaf al-Qina’, 3:47-8.

15. Cited in Fath al-Bari, 6:182. I am grateful to Muḥammad Nizami for pointing out this report to me.

16. Al-Tirmidhi, no.1352.

17. Al-Mughni, 13:152.

18. Muslim, no.1738.

 
Shaykh Abu Aaliyah Shurkeel
Source : MM 

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In Search of the Beautiful Body

Niqab3

There seems no limit nowadays to the extent that women (and men) are prepared to go to in order to achieve that ‘perfect look’. Forget false eyelashes and wigs, we are now talking scalpels, implants and liposuction!!

Cosmetic surgery amongst film actor/actresses has been common place for quite some time now, but these days, it wouldnt be too hard pressed to find ordinary women on the street who are more plastic than real! Indeed, in some circles, having multiple facelifts has become a status symbol: the more you have, the higher you are in the status rankings.

If questioned whether cosmetic surgery was Islamically correct or not, then without doubt, most Muslims would instinctively respond by saying that it isnt, for the simple reason that it would be interfering with Allaahs creation. And certainly, this would be the correct response.

The Companion, Ibn Masood, radiAllaahu anhu, once said (quoting what he had heard the Prophet, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, say): “Allaah has cursed the tattooers and those who have themselves tattooed, and those women who have their teeth filed for beauty and those who have their [facial] hair plucked and thus alter Allaah’s creation.” A woman remarked, “What’s all this?” So Ibn Mas’ood – radiAllaahu anhu – said: “Should I not curse one whom Allaahs Messenger cursed? And it is in the Book of Allaah!” She said: “I have read the Quraan from cover to cover, but I did not find that in it.” He replied: “If you had read it thoroughly you would have found it.

Allaah says, ‘Whatever the Messenger gives you, take it and whatever he has forbidden, retrain from it’” [Sooratul-Hashr (59):7]. 1

So the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, forbade women from performing these three practices which the women commonly did for the sake of beauty in those days – seemingly ‘insignificant’ practices for which they would incur the CURSE of Allaah. And this forbiddence isnt just restricted to the procedures mentioned in the hadeeth.

Because Allaah says in more general terms in His Book: “So set your face truly to the faith, Allaahs handiwork according to the pattern on which He has made mankind, [Let there be] no change in the creation of Allaah.” 2 [Soorah ar-Room (30):30].

Therefore, it is obligatory for us to accept the creation of Allaah as it is, not making any alterations to it.3

More importantly though, it is also obligatory or us to believe that all of Allaahs creation is beautiful, because Allaah, the Khaaliq (Creator) does not create anything except with beauty and perfection, which is why He says to mankind: “You can see no fault in the creation of ar-Rahmaan [the Most Merciful]. Then look again: can you see any rifts? Then look again and yet again, your sight will return to you in a state of humiliation and worn out.” [Soorah al-Mulk (67):3].

This may all sound quite strange when we consider how often we hear women complaining about their appearance. In fact, it is estimated that over half of the Western women today actually perceive themselves to be ugly. In addition, surveys show that nearly all women feel under pressure to “look good”.

As a result, the quest for beauty has become a serious preoccupation for many women. Open up any womens magazine and you will not fail to find a single one which doesnt contain tips on how to “look good”, or which dont contain huge adverts promoting new creams that halt the aging process or concealers to hide wrinkles, etc.

Beauty today is big business. Beauty contests are very profitable and – contrary to popular belief – more are spawned every year. The cosmetics market is a multi-billion dollar industry; the demand for cosmetic surgery is growing at a tremendous rate. All three industries promote the same notions o beauty that women everywhere are expected to meet: mainly a white, European, “Barbie-doll” like standard. The pressures on women to conform to these standards are enormous and few are able to withstand them.4

The fact is that Western women today may complain that they are not treated with equality and respect, but it is they themselves who have made it acceptable for society worldwide to see women merely as beauty-objects who are there to be ogled by the men who in turn are the (im)polite voyeurs. When viewed in this light, we find that beauty contests are not too dissimilar to reality itself: just as the tallest, slimmest blonde girl gets the title in the beauty contest, in the real world its the tallest, slimmest blonde girl who gets the man!

In Islaam, beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder, beauty is in the whole of creation, because Allaah – the One free of all imperfections – is the one responsible for it.

And as Allaah says: “Your Lord creates whatsoever He wills and chooses: no choice have they. SubhaanAllaah! And far removed is He from the partners they ascribe [to Him].” [Soorah al-Qasas (28):68].

So it is from the wisdom of Allaah that He has chosen to create some of us short, others tall, some fat, some thin, some dark-coloured, some light – all are beautiful and perfect in their own right. That is why we are taught from the Sunnah, the beautiful duaa (supplication) that the Prophet, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, would say: “O Allaah, as You have made my appearance beautiful, likewise make my character beautiful.” (Allaahumma kamaa hassanta khalaqee fa hassin khuluqee). 5

As Muslims, we must believe that evil and imperfection cannot be attributed to Allaah. 6

The desire to change any aspect of ourselves means, in effect, that we are dissatisfied with Allaahs choice and His handiwork, and that there is imperfection in what He has created. Thus to say about ourselves or anyone else that we or they are ugly is a great sin.

This point was reinforced by the Prophet, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, when he once saw the Companion, Amr ibn Fulaan al-Ansaaree, radiAllaahu anhu, whose izaar (lower garment) was hanging low (to the ground), so he, sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam, ordered that he raise it. Amr made an excuse saying that he had skinny shins (i.e. he was embarrassed to show them), so the Prophet responded by saying: “O Amr! Verily Allaah – the Mighty and the Majestic – has created everything in the best form.” 7

All this is certainly not intended to discourage women to look after themselves and adorn themselves in lawful ways (e.g. wearing nice clothes, having nicely done hair, etc.). Indeed, adorning oneself is something that the wives are obliged to do for their husbands and Allaah rewards the woman who pleases the husband when he looks at her. 8

But with these tremendous pressures on women to conform to the ideals set by the marketing media, it may be hard for Muslim women to resist feeling insecure or uncomfortable about their appearance. Consequently, many Muslim women have shed their hijaabs for the sake of following fashion; Muslim women too develop inferiority complexes about themselves.

We must bear in mind that this search for the ‘body beautiful’ is, in reality, a deception from Shaitaan. Shaitaan has vowed that he will create such false desires in mankind.

He has said (as stated in the Quraan): “Surely I will arouse in them [mankind] false desires; and certainly I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allaah.” [Soorah an-Nisaa’ (4):119].

May Allaah always keep us safe from the false promises of Shaitaan, for Verily He is the One who guides to the Truth.
——————————————————————————–

Notes
1. Reported by Ibn Masood and collected in Saheeh Muslim (English trans, vo1. 3, p.1166, no.5301). This incident is a good illustration of the status which the Sunnah held in front of the Companions.

2. Note that this forbiddence applies to the whole of creation, not just human beings. Therefore, defacing any part of Allaah’s creation is haraam. By extension, this ruling also applies to all forms of genetic engineering, which are carried out on farm animals, for example, in order to procure more profitable meat from them.


3. This is with the exception of those things which have been prescribed in the Shareeah, e.g. clipping the nails, shaving the underarms and around the private parts, etc.


4. In fact, some women go to such extremes that it results in them developing health problems – anorexia nervosa – for instance. The carcinogenic nature of breast implants are also well documented now. No doubt, the future will reveal more harmful effects of these artificial means of changing creation.


5. One hadeeth which contains this supplication mentions that this duaa should be recited on looking in the mirror. However, the chain (isnaad) of this hadeeth is not authentic. But it is authentically reported as a supplication to be recited at any time. (See Ibn Taimiyyah’s al-Kalimat-Tayyib with al-Albaanee’s footnotes.)


6. For an explanation of this important aspect of belief, please refer to The Prophet’s Prayer Described (p.15).


7. Saheeh – collected in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad (vo1.4, p.200).


8. See Musnad Ahmad, an-Nasaa’ee and others. Also, it is forbidden for the husband to invoke ugliness upon the wife – as was a common practice amongst the pre-Islamic Arabs.

source: originally appeared in Ad-dawah ilallah magazine, Volume 1, Issue 3.

 

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Status and Roles of Women In Islam..

 muslimah a real pearl

As a daughter:

(1) The Qur’an ended the cruel practice of female infanticide, which was before Islam. Allah has said: “And when the female (infant) buried alive (as the pagan Arabs use to do) is questioned: For what sin was she killed.” (Qur’an 81:8-9)

(2) The Qur’an goes further to rebuke the unwelcoming attitude of some parents upon hearing the news of the birth of a baby girl, instead of a baby boy. Allah has said: “And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself from the people because of the evil whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.” (Qur’an 16:58-59)

(3) Parents are duty-bound to support and show kindness and justice to their daughters. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Whosoever supports two daughters until they mature, he and I will come on the Day of Judgment as this (and he pointed with his fingers held together).”

(4) A crucial aspect in the upbringing of daughters that greatly influences their future is education. Education is not only a right but a responsibility for all males and females. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim.” The word “Muslim” here is inclusive of both males and females.

(5) Islam neither requires nor encourages female circumcision. And while it may be practiced by some Muslims in certain parts of Africa, it is also practiced by other peoples, including Christians, in those places, a reflection merely of the local customs and practices there.

As a wife:

(1) Marriage in Islam is based on mutual peace, love, and compassion, and not just the mere satisfying of human sexual desire. Among the most impressive verses in the Qur’an about marriage is the following:

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them; and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”(Qur’a n 30:21, see also 42:11 and 2:228)

(2) A female has the right to accept or reject marriage proposals. According to the Islamic Law, women cannot be forced to marry anyone without their consent.

(3) The husband is responsible for the maintenance, protection, and overall leadership of the family, within the framework of consultation (see the Qur’an 2:233) and kindness (see the Qur’an 4:19). The mutuality and complementary nature of the role of husband and wife does not mean subservience by either party to the other. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructed Muslims regarding women: “I command you to be good to women.” And “The best among you are those who are best to their wives.”

The Qur’an urges husbands to be kind and considerate toward their wives, even if a wife falls out of favor with her husband or disinclination for her arises within him:

“…And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (Qur’an 4:19)

It also outlawed the Arabian practice before Islam whereby the stepson of the deceased father was allowed to take possession of his father’s widow(s) (inherit them) as if they were part of the estate of the deceased (see the Qur’an 4:19).

(4) Should marital disputes arise, the Qur’an encourages couples to resolve them privately in a spirit of fairness and goodness. Indeed, the Qur’an outlines an enlightened step and wise approach for the husband and wife to resolve persistent conflict in their marital life. In the event that dispute cannot be resolved equitably between husband and wife, the Qur’an prescribes mediation between the parties through family intervention on behalf of both spouses (see the Qur’an 4:35).

(5) Divorce is a last resort, permissible but not encouraged, for the Qur’an esteems the preservation of faith and the individual’s right – male and female alike – to felicity. Forms of marriage dissolution include an enactment based upon mutual agreement, the husband’s initiative, the wife’s initiative (if part of her marital contract), the court’s decision on a wife’s initiative (for a legitimate reason), and the wife’s initiative without a cause, provided that she returns her marital gift to her husband. When the continuation of the marriage relationship is impossible for any reason, men are still taught to seek a gracious end for it. The Qur’an states about such cases:

“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis. But do not take them back to hurt them, and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself.” (Qur’an 2:231, see also 2:229 and 33:49)

(6) Associating polygamy with Islam, as if it was introduced by it or is the norm according to its teachings, is one of the most persistent myths perpetuated in Western literature and media. Polygamy existed in almost all nations and was even sanctioned by Judaism and Christianity until recent centuries. Islam did not outlaw polygamy, as did many peoples and religious communities; rather, it regulated and restricted it. It is not required but simply permitted with conditions (see the Qur’an 4:3). Spirit of law, including timing of revelation, is to deal with individual and collective contingencies that may arise from time to time (e.g. imbalances between the number of males and females created by wars) and to provide a moral, practical, and humane solution for the problems of widows and orphans.

As a mother:

(1) The Qur’an elevates kindness to parents (especially mothers) to a status second to the worship of Allah:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Qur’an 17:23-24, see also 31:14, 46:15, and 29:8)

(2) Naturally, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) specified this behavior for his followers, rendering to mothers an unequaled status in human relationships. A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said,“O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Your mother.” The man said, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Then your mother.” The man further asked, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Then your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Then your father.”

As a sister-in-faith

(1) According to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Women are but shaqa’iq (twin halves or sisters) of men.” This saying is a profound statement that directly relates to the issue of human equality between the genders. If the first meaning of the Arabic word shaqa’iq, “twin halves,” is adopted, it means that the male is worth one half (of society), while the female is worth the other half. If the second meaning, “sisters,” is adopted, it implies the same.

(2) Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) taught kindness, care, and respect toward women in general: “I command you to be good to women.” It is significant that such instruction of the Prophet (pbuh) was among his final instructions and reminders in the farewell pilgrimage address given shortly before his passing away.

(3) Modesty and social interaction: The parameters of proper modesty for males and females (dress and behavior) are based on revelatory sources (the Qur’an and Prophet’s sayings) and, as such, are regarded by believing men and women as divinely-based guidelines with legitimate aims and divine wisdom behind them.They are not male-imposed or socially-impose d restrictions. It is interesting to know that even the Bible encourages women to cover their head: “If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.” (1 Corinthians 11:6).

The legal and political aspect of women in Islam

(1) Equality before the law: Both genders are entitled to equality before the law and courts of law. Justice is genderless (see the Qur’an 5:38, 24:2, and 5:45). Women do possess an independent legal entity in financial and other matters.

(2) Participation in social and political life: The general rule in social and political life is participation and collaboration of males and females in public affairs (see the Qur’an 9:71).There is sufficient historical evidence of participation by Muslim women in the choice of rulers, in public issues, in law-making, in administrative positions, in scholarship and teaching, and even in the battlefield. Such involvement in social and political affairs was conducted without the participants’ losing sight of the complementary priorities of both genders and without violating Islamic guidelines of modesty and virtue.

Conclusion:

The status which non-Muslim women reached during the present era was not achieved due to the kindness of men or due to natural progress. It was rather achieved through a long struggle and sacrifice on woman’s part and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the two World Wars, and due to the escalation of technological change. While in Islam such compassionate and dignified status was decreed, not because it reflects the environment of the seventh century, nor under the threat or pressure of women and their organizations, but rather because of its intrinsic truthfulness.

If this indicates anything, it would demonstrate the Divine origin of the Qur’an and the truthfulness of the message of Islam, which, unlike human philosophies and ideologies, was far from proceeding from its human environment; a message which established such humane principles that neither grew obsolete during the course of time, nor can become obsolete in the future. After all, this is the message of the All-Wise and All-Knowing God whose wisdom and knowledge are far beyond the ultimate in human thought and progress.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

8 ways of finding the right person to marry

Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Now wake up and listen to this short lesson in some important “Do’s and Dont’s” along with other useful information inshaaAllaah.

#8 AVOID FACEBOOK SPOUSES

And any other social network for that matter

Since we spend most of our time online these days, it is very easy to try to fulfil all our needs online, even the need of finding a soul mate. Now don’t get me wrong, there are marriages who actually do work out, and I am not by any means hating on brothers and sisters who made it work (whatever floats your boats akhis and ukthis, just keep it halaal), but let’s face it, the Internet is a very weird place.

Everyone always tries to seem holier than they really are, even a Kaafir could pretend to be Muslim scholar for all you know.  In the good old days people married other people who they actually knew, and life was much more smooth, in very broad terms.

But today you marry someone who comes across as religious online only to find out on your wedding night he isn’t really that strict on Salah, oh and did I mention he has tons of friends who just happen to be girls? And not to mention he smokes (sorry forgot to tell you that too, my bad) the point is, be very careful concerning ANY online proposals.

If the person is serious and a good guy, drop them your wali’s number and don’t communicate with them anymore, then you’ll know if the person is really a gentleman or not.

#7 BEFRIEND GOOD PEOPLE

Looks more and more promising

This will open up the door for networking later on, because one of the main problems today is that a lot of people ask, ‘OK but how do I meet good potential spouses?’ and they often say ‘I don’t know anyone!’ but in reality everyone knows SOMEBODY.

Be it that friend who you only seem to meet at the masjid for big events, or your cousin who you don’t spend much time with, there is always someone you can befriend. But keep in mind that these individuals should be good practising people themselves because then they can help introduce you to other practising people who in turn might have brothers and sisters who are looking for marriage.

Trust me, it works. Try it for yourselves and see, but just don’t become that one sister (or brother) who ALWAYS talks about marriage and the opposite gender, because chances are you might get labelled as “thirsty” if not worse.

And if that fails, there is always facebook.

#6 BE AT GOOD PLACES

Do not confuse booty call material for wifey material

In the same way that you won’t find your amazing virgin niqabi wife at the club, dancing late into the night. You, yourself need to be looking in the right places, and this sort of brings us back to the previous point.

Attend lectures, study circles or maybe even volunteer to help at the masjid etc, all these activities will open up the door for you to meet the right people and once you get to know them you can raise the issue of marriage discreetly.

Remember most people who marry will tell you they got to know their spouse either through family and friends, or they might have actually met whilst doing the same activities, so try to be more active and don’t just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Oh and also stop going to the club.

DISCLAIMER: This website does not endorse any talking between the genders without the supervision of a Wali. Be a man and step up your game if you truly love her. Otherwise go to facebook.

#5 BE REALISTIC

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

You will end up on facebook surfing from one profile to the other.

#4 INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS

I mean at least this brother has his own house, so that’s always a plus right?

Most people don’t like doing this, for whatever reason. Most girls are just simply too shy to bring marriages up to their parents, in case the parents look at them as “horny” or a victim of teenage hormones. Others are afraid that if they involve the parents they will feel pressured into marrying someone they don’t want to marry, only to please their parents.

You remember that one time your friend mentioned to HER parents that she wanted to get married? And for her parents to help her look for a decent brother? And how they totally misunderstood her and now you heard that your friend moved back to Bangladesh and has 7 kids at the age of 21? Yeah that’s totally not going to happen to you.

Now what I am suggesting is a middle path. Bring the topic up to your parents, or if you’re too shy, speak to your brother or someone else who can raise the issue with your parents. And then ask your parents to look around for you, remember they can only suggest but the final decision still lies with you. And most of us really don’t make use of this option, which is very sad.

Our parents are the only human beings alive on the face of this earth who would do anything and everything for us, so why not consult them?

#3 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Believe it or not brothers, marriage is more than just mating and lying in bed. Shocking I know!

I don’t mean to scare you away by raising this question, as Muslims we should always aim to get married since it is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet.

But sometimes, some people rush into marriage. They think just because they are physically ready (have urges etc) that they should get married, forgetting that even the Prophet actually mentioned that those who have the MEANS to get married should do so. Now having the means is not just having a mature body, or even loads of cash. Rather it also about being mentally stable and able to cope with the hardships of marriage.

Don’t worry though, in marriage all you need is love to make things work (like they always say right?) so no need to over think things, love conquers all! Except that’s a total lie, marriage needs so much more, and even though love is a key element in marriage it is not always what keeps a marriage going.

Remember marriage is not all sunshine and fun, sometimes you will argue sometimes you wont love each other as much, what will happen then? Will you ask for a divorce just because the marriage isn’t fun anymore?

What if there are children involved, then what? The point is, prepare yourself for marriage mentally. Read up on the rights of the Husband and the rights of the Wife, don’t just marry because you’re 20 and feel you have to. This husband will be either your Jannah or Hell, do you really know what that means?

Similarly this wife and future children will be your responsibility as a husband, Allaah will ask you about them and everything they do, so be prepared.

#2 WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF?

Because that is how I roll

‘Ofcourse I would, I am pure awesomeness, I am the very defin…’ if that is your answer then I can tell you right now that you don’t really have the right mentality for marriage. We often get blinded by the search for the ultimate partner that we neglect to look at ourselves.

We cry and say why won’t anyone marry me? But do nothing to change ourselves. How do you treat people when you get upset? What do you do if you hold a grudge? Do not turn a blind eye to all these important issues, rather tackle them one by one. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.

If you truly and sincerely work on your own flaws, and really do become more caring and loving then you will notice how people will look at you differently. People will start to think of you as ‘wifey’ material because you are good with kids, because you care for others, because you forgive people and don’t hold grudges don’t gossip etc the list is long but if you take one step at a time you will be married before you know it.

Well you would know of it, ’cause I mean you couldn’t get married without knowing about it, right? So technically you would know about it, but yeah whatever.

#1 DU’AA

Dua is the weapon of the believer, why not use it?

Because like anything in life, Allaah is the true reason behind things. Even though some people often roll their eyes and think ‘Yeah right the old, make dua brother/sister’ but if you truly have faith in Allaah and know that He answers the prayers of those in need, you will never get tired of making du’aa to Him.

Take the story of Muusa alyhi salaam as an example, in Soorah Qasas we are told about how he left Fir’awn and was literally fleeing for his life, his one concern was saving his own skin. But what happened? He made du’aa to Allaah, and Allaah not only saved him but blessed him with a wonderful wife. So in short, if you make du’aa and don’t give up Allaah will help you, and that is a promise!

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Falling in Love Allowed in Islam

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In-laws or Outlaws

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbid all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion; He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.”

(Surah An-Nahl: Verse 90)

Almost every society especially the ones flourishing in subcontinent or the ones influenced by subcontinent culture is a huge victim of interference of both parents and in-laws in the affairs of  children especially after their marriage. Parents should understand that Allah has bestowed upon them set of responsibilities towards their children and like versa.  However it is evidently clear from Quran and Sunah that children are not the properties of their parents and vice versa and therefore no-one owns no one.  Every time either party goes beyond their already set responsibilities or expectations— injustice shall arise and chaos shall be inevitable/un-avoidable. Surely in that case, involved party shall be answerable before Allah!!!

Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise practice is deeply rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interferences.  Kindly find below refreshing take on certain aspects to help sort out this serious issue:

01.  Love & Jealousy – One should learn to accept that different kind of love exists and each has its own capacity and its importance, eg. Children’s love to their parents, husband’s love to his wife, brother’s love to his sister and so on. Once either son or daughter gets married, mothers commonly feel jealous that their children love their spouse more than them. Kindly understand that the love of your children towards you is always there and could not be compared with their bond and commitment towards their spouses.

02.  Confidence – Be confident in your children’s love and do not suspect them just because they need to divide their time towards spouses after the marriage.  Be sure to keep loving you them as before and let the children know of it.    Always let them know that you are there for them no matter what for any guidance

03.   Care – Common issue relating to care and looking after parents after marriage is that parents often wrongfully blame their son in-law or daughter in-law for not taking care of them enough or at least that’s how it is perceived —this is mainly applicable to situations where daughter in laws are concerned. It should be very clear that it is mainly the duty of children themselves to fully accept and fulfill their responsibilities towards their own respectful parents.  Majority of the times, parents either fail to realize or still in denial to accept that in many cases it is their own children’s negligence and only they are to be blamed—this applies mainly to cases where son responsibilities are concerned towards its own parents.

04.  Consultation – When one gets married, issues relating to spouses/marriage are bound to emerge—in which case one can always go to their parents or in-laws for guidance. Make sure that one should consult them and should not complain to them. If one comes across as complaining to their in-laws about their daughter or son—it shall be taken negatively and shall always create a negative impression.

05.  Advice for parents/in-laws- Remember always to advise your children rather than ordering them or imposing your suggestions on them.

06.  Involvement of parents/in-laws – Don’t get involved in the details of your children’s marriage life– let them explore and experience their lives on themselves.  Let them handle things on their own unless they come to you for your help and advice! Remind yourself all the time, that when you got married you wished the same.

07.  Gifts – Often give gifts, small and immaterial it may seem, to your parents and in-laws as it has a magic effect.  Love needs expression so such kind gestures show one’s love and care to them. Always remember to be fair and just between parents and in-laws.

08.  Forgiveness – Whatever your parents or in-laws say or do–always be willing and ready to let issues go by.  Allah loves those who forgive and forget and is considered one of the best attributes to have.

Keeping in mind the Qur’anic verse where Allah says;

”and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say *Uff* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect. And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young.”

(Qur’an 17:23-24)

 09.  Privacy of couples—Keep your family matters within the walls do not disclose them unless it is necessary.

10.  In-law’s respect and care for daughter-in-law – Let the daughter-in-laws know of your respect, care and love for them specially through your actions. Express her of your happiness and satisfaction upon her marriage to your son, and how wonderful of a wife she has been to him. If she happens to be a mother, tell her what a wonderful mother she is. No one ever gets tired of hearing sincere compliments. Do compliment her and say “JazakAllah” when “JazakAllah” is due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture is a duty to her towards that needs to be obeyed.

11.   Realizing that you are you and she is she- Your daughter-in-law will most likely do things differently than you. If it bothers you, just smile and bear it. Don’t try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, the little details aren’t important. Don’t let them cause tension between you.

12.   To Mother in-laws – You have seen each one of them grow from young ladies, to loving, caring women. Give them the same unconditional love that you give your sons.

13.   To Mother in-laws – They were raised by families with different backgrounds than yours. They each have their own ways of doing things. They have learned a lot from you, and, hopefully, your relationship will get better with time.”

Needless to say, some of the comments above may be relevant to fathers-in-law as much as it is to mothers-in-laws. In order to sustain the key elements of a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law/ son-in-law a concerted EFFORT is to be made in establishing and maintaining it. Nonetheless, as this article has concentrated on the mother-in-law; it is not intended to portray a one sided approach or to demonize them in anyway. To equally sustain and maintain this balance—it requires and needs the daughter-in-law/ son-in-law play their parts with similar awareness, respect, care and patience. As the cliché’ goes: “It takes two hands to clap”.

14.  Be a good wife and be a good husband that no one will ever criticize you.

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.)

(Qur’an 41:34-35)

– Allah knows best –

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