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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

A letter from a Christian Women to Muslim women

‘…Most of us are not happy, trust me…”

 
Church-Prayer-370x307
A letter from a Christian Women to Muslim women

”…Most of us are not happy, trust me…”
March 7th, 2007
By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist – USA

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice.

I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness. Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison.

There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes. They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti- depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6).

Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you. The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead.

Only to leave her too! Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart
I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre- marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears. Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart.

We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is real ly supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration.

From your Christian sister with love.

Admin Cmnt : 
 
Im Sharing this Letter without any Edit or Anything.

A brother Specially Shared this with me in one of our page in facebook.  

Kindly don’t forget to share ,after reading…JazakALLah Khair

King
Slave of Allah

 
 

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Muslims Have Least Sex Outside Marriage, Study Suggests

muslim man praying

Of all the world’s major religious groups, Muslims are the least likely to have sex outside of marriage, new research found. And as a country’s Muslim population grows, the rate of premarital sex declines for all residents, even non-Muslims, according to the study.
Researchers analyzed the responses of over 620,000 people (ages 15-59) who were interviewed as part of the Demographic and Health Surveys in 31 mostly developing nations from 2000 to 2008.

Most countries included in the sample had either a Muslim or Christian majority, except India and Nepal, which have Hindu majorities, and Cambodia which has a Buddhist majority. (The United States was not included in the study.)

They found that, overall, the odds of married Muslims reporting premarital sex are 53 percent lower than for Christians. Hindus are 40 percent less likely to report premarital sex, compared with Christians. Meanwhile, Jews and Buddhists have greater chances of having sex before getting hitched than Christians do, according to the study.

The researchers believe these results could be linked to Muslims’ greater adherence to strict religious tenets that only allow sex within marriage. As many Muslim leaders place heavy importance on fidelity in marriage, it might be no surprise that Muslims also are less likely than Hindus, Christians and Jews to report extramarital sex, as the study found.

What’s more, the religious values of a Muslim majority in a country seem to exert a big    influence on the wider population’s sexual norms. A 1 percent increase in the percentage of Muslims in a nation caused a 2 percent decrease in the likelihood of premarital sex for all citizens, regardless of their religious identity, the study found. (The researchers note that an increase in the Muslim population in a country did not further reduce the odds of
premarital sex among just Muslims.)

“All major world religions discourage sex outside of marriage, but they are not all equally
effective in shaping behavior,” wrote the researchers, led by Amy Adamczyk, an associate
professor of sociology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. Their study was published in the October issue of the American Sociological Review.

The team speculated that in Muslim-majority countries, strict laws on women’s mobility and interaction between the sexes might cut down the opportunities for sex outside marriage. But the researchers found no significant relationship between a country’s restrictions on women and the odds of premarital and extramarital sex, suggesting religion plays a greater role than those laws in policing sexual behavior.

The same was true for age. Muslims and Hindus are more likely to have an arranged marriage and to marry younger than Christians and Jews. Though the likelihood of premarital sex increased with age, the study found that age was not a significant factor in driving down rates of premarital sex for these religious groups.

“One of the most surprising findings was that religious affiliations have a real influence on
people’s sexual behaviors,” Adamczyk said in a statement. “While a lot of research attention has been given to understanding differences between the major world religions in adherents’ attitudes, much less attention has been given to understanding differences based on behaviors.”

The researchers considered that social pressure could have caused some respondents being interviewed in the Demographic and Health Surveys (funded by USAID) to lie. But the survey  mandates that interviewers be the same gender as the respondent and try to conduct the questionnaire in private. The latter is not always possible and interviewers are instructed to note the presence of others. They are also told to flag inconsistent responses  (For example, if a respondent says she was a virgin at the time of marriage, but her reported age at first intercourse is younger than her age at marriage, that would get flagged.)

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

8 ways of finding the right person to marry

Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Now wake up and listen to this short lesson in some important “Do’s and Dont’s” along with other useful information inshaaAllaah.

#8 AVOID FACEBOOK SPOUSES

And any other social network for that matter

Since we spend most of our time online these days, it is very easy to try to fulfil all our needs online, even the need of finding a soul mate. Now don’t get me wrong, there are marriages who actually do work out, and I am not by any means hating on brothers and sisters who made it work (whatever floats your boats akhis and ukthis, just keep it halaal), but let’s face it, the Internet is a very weird place.

Everyone always tries to seem holier than they really are, even a Kaafir could pretend to be Muslim scholar for all you know.  In the good old days people married other people who they actually knew, and life was much more smooth, in very broad terms.

But today you marry someone who comes across as religious online only to find out on your wedding night he isn’t really that strict on Salah, oh and did I mention he has tons of friends who just happen to be girls? And not to mention he smokes (sorry forgot to tell you that too, my bad) the point is, be very careful concerning ANY online proposals.

If the person is serious and a good guy, drop them your wali’s number and don’t communicate with them anymore, then you’ll know if the person is really a gentleman or not.

#7 BEFRIEND GOOD PEOPLE

Looks more and more promising

This will open up the door for networking later on, because one of the main problems today is that a lot of people ask, ‘OK but how do I meet good potential spouses?’ and they often say ‘I don’t know anyone!’ but in reality everyone knows SOMEBODY.

Be it that friend who you only seem to meet at the masjid for big events, or your cousin who you don’t spend much time with, there is always someone you can befriend. But keep in mind that these individuals should be good practising people themselves because then they can help introduce you to other practising people who in turn might have brothers and sisters who are looking for marriage.

Trust me, it works. Try it for yourselves and see, but just don’t become that one sister (or brother) who ALWAYS talks about marriage and the opposite gender, because chances are you might get labelled as “thirsty” if not worse.

And if that fails, there is always facebook.

#6 BE AT GOOD PLACES

Do not confuse booty call material for wifey material

In the same way that you won’t find your amazing virgin niqabi wife at the club, dancing late into the night. You, yourself need to be looking in the right places, and this sort of brings us back to the previous point.

Attend lectures, study circles or maybe even volunteer to help at the masjid etc, all these activities will open up the door for you to meet the right people and once you get to know them you can raise the issue of marriage discreetly.

Remember most people who marry will tell you they got to know their spouse either through family and friends, or they might have actually met whilst doing the same activities, so try to be more active and don’t just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Oh and also stop going to the club.

DISCLAIMER: This website does not endorse any talking between the genders without the supervision of a Wali. Be a man and step up your game if you truly love her. Otherwise go to facebook.

#5 BE REALISTIC

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

You will end up on facebook surfing from one profile to the other.

#4 INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS

I mean at least this brother has his own house, so that’s always a plus right?

Most people don’t like doing this, for whatever reason. Most girls are just simply too shy to bring marriages up to their parents, in case the parents look at them as “horny” or a victim of teenage hormones. Others are afraid that if they involve the parents they will feel pressured into marrying someone they don’t want to marry, only to please their parents.

You remember that one time your friend mentioned to HER parents that she wanted to get married? And for her parents to help her look for a decent brother? And how they totally misunderstood her and now you heard that your friend moved back to Bangladesh and has 7 kids at the age of 21? Yeah that’s totally not going to happen to you.

Now what I am suggesting is a middle path. Bring the topic up to your parents, or if you’re too shy, speak to your brother or someone else who can raise the issue with your parents. And then ask your parents to look around for you, remember they can only suggest but the final decision still lies with you. And most of us really don’t make use of this option, which is very sad.

Our parents are the only human beings alive on the face of this earth who would do anything and everything for us, so why not consult them?

#3 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Believe it or not brothers, marriage is more than just mating and lying in bed. Shocking I know!

I don’t mean to scare you away by raising this question, as Muslims we should always aim to get married since it is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet.

But sometimes, some people rush into marriage. They think just because they are physically ready (have urges etc) that they should get married, forgetting that even the Prophet actually mentioned that those who have the MEANS to get married should do so. Now having the means is not just having a mature body, or even loads of cash. Rather it also about being mentally stable and able to cope with the hardships of marriage.

Don’t worry though, in marriage all you need is love to make things work (like they always say right?) so no need to over think things, love conquers all! Except that’s a total lie, marriage needs so much more, and even though love is a key element in marriage it is not always what keeps a marriage going.

Remember marriage is not all sunshine and fun, sometimes you will argue sometimes you wont love each other as much, what will happen then? Will you ask for a divorce just because the marriage isn’t fun anymore?

What if there are children involved, then what? The point is, prepare yourself for marriage mentally. Read up on the rights of the Husband and the rights of the Wife, don’t just marry because you’re 20 and feel you have to. This husband will be either your Jannah or Hell, do you really know what that means?

Similarly this wife and future children will be your responsibility as a husband, Allaah will ask you about them and everything they do, so be prepared.

#2 WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF?

Because that is how I roll

‘Ofcourse I would, I am pure awesomeness, I am the very defin…’ if that is your answer then I can tell you right now that you don’t really have the right mentality for marriage. We often get blinded by the search for the ultimate partner that we neglect to look at ourselves.

We cry and say why won’t anyone marry me? But do nothing to change ourselves. How do you treat people when you get upset? What do you do if you hold a grudge? Do not turn a blind eye to all these important issues, rather tackle them one by one. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.

If you truly and sincerely work on your own flaws, and really do become more caring and loving then you will notice how people will look at you differently. People will start to think of you as ‘wifey’ material because you are good with kids, because you care for others, because you forgive people and don’t hold grudges don’t gossip etc the list is long but if you take one step at a time you will be married before you know it.

Well you would know of it, ’cause I mean you couldn’t get married without knowing about it, right? So technically you would know about it, but yeah whatever.

#1 DU’AA

Dua is the weapon of the believer, why not use it?

Because like anything in life, Allaah is the true reason behind things. Even though some people often roll their eyes and think ‘Yeah right the old, make dua brother/sister’ but if you truly have faith in Allaah and know that He answers the prayers of those in need, you will never get tired of making du’aa to Him.

Take the story of Muusa alyhi salaam as an example, in Soorah Qasas we are told about how he left Fir’awn and was literally fleeing for his life, his one concern was saving his own skin. But what happened? He made du’aa to Allaah, and Allaah not only saved him but blessed him with a wonderful wife. So in short, if you make du’aa and don’t give up Allaah will help you, and that is a promise!

Read More Articles

Falling in Love Allowed in Islam

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The Prophet’s Emotions toward his Wives

Assalam Alaykum Brother and sisters ,

In todays life husband and wife relationship are not so good,we always hear,some brother did and some brother that.some even say No I don;t know How to good towards her.etc etc etc and Few Even Abuse them.

I hope this Article will help brother to know How to deal with wifes… all these materials are taken from biography of Prophet.Kindly Share with other brothers.

Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet – peace be upon him – you will find that he was extending a great deal respect to his wives and was paying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love. Here are some attractive examples and shining moments in his life:

Knowing their Feelings

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was telling Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her: “I know well when you are pleased or angry from me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I just desert you name. In another narration the same tradition ended by saying: “No, by the God of Ibrahim”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2439

Understanding their Jealousy & Love

Umm Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and his companions. Seeing that, Aisha came holding a tool and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding the situation, the Prophet took the two halves of the dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is just the jealousy of your mother, then the Prophet took the dish of Aisha and gave it to Um Salama and gave the dish of Um Salama to Aisha.

Narrated by: Um Salama – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Nasa’i  – Page or number: 3966

Understanding their Psychology & Nature

The Prophet – peace be upon him – said: “Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are just like this; therefore treat them kindly”.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3331

This tradition is not for dispraising women as understood by the public, contrary, it is for teaching and educating men. Moreover, this tradition expressed the accurate understanding of the nature of the women and indicated the possibility of leaving the woman as it is in the permissible things but to guide her if she exceeded the permissible limits such as doing the sins and neglecting the duties.

Complaining to & Consulting them

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has consulted his wives in the most delicate and important matters such as consulting his wife Um Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – in Al-Hudaibia Treaty. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has written the treaty between him and the polytheists of Quraish in Al-Hudaibia region, in the Hudaibia year and told his companions: Go to make immolation and shave, but no one responded. The Prophet – peace be upon him – repeated that three times but still no one responded to him. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went to Um Salama and told her about the matter. Hearing that, Um Salam said: O Prophet of Allah, just go and don’t speak to any one until you make your immolation and shave. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and did not speak to any one until he did the same. Seeing that, the companions stood and make their immolation and began shaving for each other to the degree that some of them was about to kill the other out of their grief.

Narrated by: Um Salama Hind Bint Abi Umayiah – Degree: successive – the narrator: Ibn Jarir Al-Tabari – The Source: Tafsir Al-Tabari  – Page or number: 2/293

Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told Aisha in the long tradition of Um Zara’ narrated by Al-Bukhari: I am in my love and loyalty to you just like Abi Zara’ and Um Zara” Aisha replied: You are dearer to me more than my father and mother, you are even more loyal and loving than Abi Zara’ to Um Zara”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5189

Choosing the Best Nicknames to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha: O Aish (nickname of Aisha), this is Jabril (Angle of revelation) telling you the greetings. Aisha said: May peace and blessings be upon him, you (The Prophet) see what I can’t see. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha “Al-Humairaa” (i.e. white-skinned woman).

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Ibn Hijer Al-Asqalani – The Source: Fateh Al-Bari of Ibn Hijer  – Page or number: 2/515

Eating & Drinking with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: When I drink water from the pot while in menstruation period and give the pot to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – he drinks from the same place which touched my mouth, moreover, during menstruation, I was eating from the piece of meat and giving the same to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and the Prophet puts his mouth in the same place of mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 300

Not Complaining of their Circumstances

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I was combing the hair of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while in menstruation.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 295

Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was leaning on my lab while in menstruation and read Quran.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 297

Going on Picnics & Accompanying Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between his wives when he wants to go out. Once, the Prophet cast a lot between his wives and the lot was the share of Aisha and Hafsa together. At night, the Prophet walks with Aisha and speaks to her. Knowing that, Hafsa told Aisha: Why don’t you ride on my camel and I ride yours and see what happens? Aisha replied: okay. Then Aisha rode the camel of Hafsa while Hafsa rode the camel of Aisha. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then went to the camel of Aisha while Hafsa riding it, greeted her and walked together until they got down. Seeing that, Aisha felt jealousy and tried to put her leg between the lemon grass and say: O my Lord, send a scorpion or a sneak to sting me, this is your Prophet and I can’t say anything to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2445

Helping them in the Household Duties

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home? She replied: He was helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayer he goes out.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5363

Depending on himself to Relieve them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in his home? She replied: He washes his clothes, milks his ewe, and serves himself.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani– The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4996

She said also: he sews his clothes, cleans his shoes and does what men generally do in their homes.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4937

Tolerating for their Happiness

Aisha narrated that Abu Baker – May Allah be pleased with them – entered to the home of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while two young girls were striking on the tambourine and signing and while the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laying and covering himself with his clothes. Seeing him, the Prophet uncovered his face and told him: O Aba Baker, let them continue, it is the days of Eid (festival). The said days were Mina Days and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was in the Medina.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Sahih An-Nasai  – Page or number: 1596

Treat them Fairly while Angry

Once, Aisha was angry of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – So, he told her: Do you accept Abu Obaida Bin Al-Jarrah as a judge between us? She replied: No, this man will not issue a judgment against you in my favor. He said: Do you accept Omar as a judge? She replied: I fear Omar. He said: Do you accept Abu Baker (her father)? She replied: Yes I accept him.

Calm Them Down In Panic

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was putting his hand on the shoulder of his wife when she is angry and saying: “O Allah, forgive her sins, relieve her heart from rage and protect her from distress”.

Giving Presents and Showing Affection to their Friends

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not ever been jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

74712- When he slaughters the sheep says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’ – Page or number: 4722

Praising & Thanking them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: The rank of Aisha to the other women is like the rank of the porridge to the other foods.

Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2446

Feeling Happy when they are Happy

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was playing with the toy girls when she was with the Prophet – Peace be upon him. She added: My friends were coming to visit me and they were feeling shy of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – but he was letting them in to me. In another narration in the tradition of Jarir: I was playing with toy girls while in his home.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2440.

Feeling Pleased when they are Glad

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: Once, the Prophet – Peace be upon him – came from a battle and there was a cover for my toy girls in my room. The wind uncovered the toy girls. Seeing that, the prophet said: What is this? She replied: my daughters. He said: What is the thing between them? She replied: it is a horse. He said: What is this thing on the horse? She replied: they are two wings. He said: A horse with two wings!! She replied: didn’t you hear that Sulaiman bin Dawood – Peace be upon them – was having horses with wings? The Prophet then laughed until his molars appeared.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Ghayat Al-Maram  – Page or number: 129

Expressing his Love to them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not been ever jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

Considering her Best Manners

“The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character”.
Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1469

Keeping Their Privacy

“The worst rank for a man at the day of judgment is the rank of the man who sleeps with his wife and then discloses her privacy”.
Narrated by: Abu Saeed Al-Khudri – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1437

Refraining from Beating or Abusing them

“The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has not ever beaten any woman, any servant or anything in his hand other than fighting in the way of Allah The Almighty. He does not take revenge from anyone harmed him except when breaching the orders of Allah The Almighty, at which case, he takes revenge”.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2328

Consoling & Wiping their Tears

Safiyah – May Allah be pleased with her – was traveling with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and it was then her turn to travel with him. She was slow in walking. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – received her while crying and saying: You gave me a slow camel. Seeing that, The Prophet – Peace be upon him – wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. Narrated by An-Nasai.

Putting the Bite in her Mouth

The Prophet – Peace be upon him said: “If you expend anything seeking the pleasure of Allah the Almighty, even if you put a bite in the mouth of your wife, He will promote you to a higher degree in paradise”.
Narrated by: — – Degree: Right – the narrator: Ibn Taymiyyah – The Source: Majmou’ Al-Fatawa  – Page or number: 10/31

Fulfilling their Needs

“O Prophet of Allah, what are the rights of my wife? He said: To feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe, don’t beat her face, don’t abuse her and don’t desert her except in home”.
Narrated by: Mu’awiah Bin Haida Al-Qushairi – Degree: Stated in the introduction that it is “Right” pursuant to the standards of some narrators – the narrator: Ibn Daqiq Al-Eid – The Source: Al-Elmam  – Page or number: 2/655

Trusting them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – prohibited men from knocking the door of their families at night trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes. In another narration, he did not mention “Trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes”.
Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 715

Remembering & Caring About Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was visiting his eleven wives within a short period of time, at night or in the day. I said to Anas: Was he bearing that? Anas said: He has the power of thirty men.
Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 268

Respecting them during Menstruation

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was making love with his wives above the loincloth while in menstruation.
Narrated by: Maimona Bint Al-Hareth – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 294

Accompanying them in Travel

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between him wives when he wants to travel then he takes the one who wins the lot. He cast a lot between us in one of his battles and it was me who won it; therefore, I went with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – after the revelation of Al-Hijab (veil) verse.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2879

Racing & Playing with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was accompanying the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in travel while she was a young girl. She said I was still slim. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told his companions to go forward. They went forward. Then he told me: come, I want to have race with you. We started the race and I won. After a period of time, I went in travel with him and he said to his companions go forward. The companions went forward and then he told me: come to have a race with you. At that time, I forgot the former race and I was fat. I told him: how can we race while I am in this situation (thin)? He replied: you will do it. Then we started the race and he won. He laughed then and said: tit for tat.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: his attribution is right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Adab Al-Zafaf  – Page or number: 204

Choosing the Best Nicknames for them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said to the Prophet – Peace be upon him: O Prophet of Allah, all of your wives have nicknames except me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – replied: take the name of your son Abdullah (i.e. Abdullah bin Al Zubair), your nickname now is Um Abdullah. The narrator said: She was called Um Abdullah until she died though she has not ever given birth.
Narrated by: Orwa Bin Al-Zubair – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha – Page or number: 1/255

Sharing Happiness and Joy with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: By Allah The Almighty, I saw the Prophet – Peace be upon him – standing at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing with their bayonets in the mosque of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while he was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing and was waiting for me until I finish by my own will. So, try to consider the desires of the young girls, they like playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 892

116691- Aisha narrated: I saw the Prophet – peace be upon him – at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing in the mosque and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 454

Spreading Happiness in his House

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: Once, Sawda visited us and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (food) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: If you don’t eat I will stain your face with Khazira but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khzaira to Sawda and told her stain her face; so, Swada stained my face and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laughed. Then Omar – May Allah be pleased with him – passed by and called for Abdullah. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – thought that he will enter but Omer said to us: Go wash your faces. Aisha said: Since then, I still fearing Omar due to the Prophet’s respect to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Good – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha  – Page or number: 7/363

Loving & Respecting their Families

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – appointed Amer Bin Al-Aas as a leader to Zat Al-Salasil Battle. Feeling the love of the Prophet, Amer asked the Prophet: Whose is the dearest to you? He answered: (Aisha), Amer said: I mean from men: he replied: (Her father), Amer said: Who then? The Prophet replied: (Omar), then the Prophet mentioned several men; so, Amer kept silence in order not to be the last of them.

Narrated by: Abu Othman Al-Nahdi – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 4358

Keeping their Dignity in Ordeals

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – wants to travel, he casts a lot between his wives and the one who won the lot will accompany him. At Bani Al-Mustaleq Battle, I won the lot and traveled with him. The women were eating light food and avoid meat in order to move easily. I was sitting in my howdah when we get down for rest and when we want to go, they carry me while in the howdah and put it on the back of the camel and then tight it with ropes to go forward again.

When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – finished the said travel, he went back to the Medina. By approaching the Medina, he got down and took rest for a short period at night. Thereafter, the people were told to resume walking and they got ready to continue while I was out to relieve nature and I was having a necklace in my neck. When I finished, the necklace fell down from my neck and I did not remember it until I reached to the place of my baggage. At that time, people began leaving while I returned back again to my place looking for the necklace until I found it. Then, the people who took my camel for rest returned back and put the howdah on the camel thinking that I am there as usual and resumed walk. I returned back to the camp and no people were there. All of them went forward. Seeing that, I covered myself with my gown and lay down in my place so that when they miss me they can return and find me there. While in that situation (laying down), Safwan Bin Al-Mu’atel Al-Salami passed by me as he was late for relieving nature. He saw my black clothes and approached me – He knew me before the revelation of the Hijab (veil) verse – and said: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return. The wife of the Prophet is here? I was then covering myself with my gown. He said: Why you are late? I said nothing. Then he got the camel close to me and said: Ride. He went back a little. Then I rode the camel and he guided the camel toward the caravan but we did not reach them and they did not miss us until the morning when they got down for rest. Then, they saw the man guiding the camel I rode. At that moment, a group of people fabricated a story and began spreading rumors that we committed adultery and the whole camp became confused while I know nothing about the whole matter.

Then we reached Medina and I was very sick and no one is telling me what is going around. Then the matter reached to my father and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and no one mentioned anything to me. I was then not pleased with the treatment of the Prophet toward me while I was sick because when he enters my room while my mother is nursing me he just says: How are you? He did not say anything else. Seeing that, I felt angry of his coolness and told him: May I go to my mother? He replied: No problem. Then I went to my mother and knew nothing about the whole matter. About twenty days later I recovered. At our era, we were not having toilets like the non-Arabs. We hate it. We were just going to the free spaces in the Medina and the women were going out every night to relieve nature. At certain night, I went out with Um Mustah to relieve nature.

At the way, she stumbled with her clothes and said: Woe to my son Mustah. I said to her: It is not good to speak like this about a man like your son, he is one of the immigrants and he has witnessed Bader Battle! Um Mustah said: Don’t you know the recent news? I said: What happened? She told me about the rumors made by the people that I committed adultery. I asked her: Is that what happened? She said: yes. Hearing that, I was not able even to relieve nature and went back to home. I continued crying till I felt my liver will be broken out. I told my mother: All people speaking ill about me, why you did not mention this to me? My mother said: My dear daughter, don’t worry; this usually happens to any beautiful woman loved by her husband who has other wives because the other wives and people will speak a lot about her out of their jealousy. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then delivered a sermon to the people – I did not k

new that then – and said: “O people, why some group of you are speaking ill about my family and telling false about them? I swear by Allah The Almighty that my wife is good and chaste. Moreover, they also spoke ill about a man who is straightforward. That man did not enter my house except in my company”. Hearing that, Abdullah Bin Ubai and some men of Al-Khazraj tribe got angry and the matter became complicated after what was told by Mustah and Hamna Bint Jahsh, the sister of Zainab Bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – because she was the only wife who compete with my rank for the Prophet. Zainab spoke only good about me but her sister Hamna spread ill rumors about me. When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – delivered the above mentioned sermon, Usaid Bin Khudair said: O Prophet of Allah, if they (The people who spoke ill about your family) are from Al-Aws tribe we will kill them and if they are from our brothers in Al-Khazraj tribe, just order us and we will cut their necks. Hearing that, Saad Bin Obada (Head in Al-Khazraj tribe and was considered of the righteous men) said out of ardor: I swear by Allah that you are lying, we will not allow you to cut their nicks, you just said like that because you know well that they (Who spoke ill about the Prophet’s family) are from Al-Khazraj tribe, and if they were from your tribe you will not speak like this about them. Usaid replied: I swear by Allah that you are the liar, you are just a hypocrite man defending the hypocrite people. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – got down from his stand and called Ali Bin Abi Taleb and Osama Bin Zaid – May Allah be pleased with them – in order to consult them.

Osma spoke good and said: O Prophet of Allah, it is your family and we know nothing but good about them and these rumors are lies and false. Ali said: O Prophet of Allah, women are many, you can marry again, and you can ask her maid, she will not lie. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – called Brira (the maid) and asked her about the matter. Ali has beaten her severely while saying: speak the truth to the Prophet! The maid was saying: I swear by Allah that I know nothing but good about Aisha except that when I knead the dough I tell her to keep it but she sleeps and forgets it, so the sheep comes and eat it! Then Aisha said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – entered to my room while my parents were with me. There was also a woman from Al-Ansar (People who supported the Prophet) crying with me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down, praised Allah then said: O Aisha, you knew what the people are saying, be pious, and if you committed any thing of what is said by the people just repent to Allah. Allah will accept the repentance. Hearing that, I did not find any tears in my eyes (out of my astonishment of the speech of the Prophet) and expected that my parents will answer on my behalf but they did not do so. I was thinking that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – will see a dream proving my innocence but did not expect that my rank is high to the degree that Allah The Almighty will reveal a verse proving my innocence. I told my parents: Can’t you answer the Prophet of Allah? They replied: We do not know what to say. The matter was very difficult for Abu Baker family.

Aisha said: At that ordeal, the family of my father Abu Baker suffered more than anyone can bear. Then Aisha said: When my parents did not reply, I started crying and said: I swear by Allah I will not repent from what you say at all because if I admit what the people is saying – Though I am innocent – I will be saying what is not happened actually and if I denied, you will not believe. Then I tried to remember the name of the Prophet Yaqoub (Jacob) but in vain, then I said: I will say just like the father of Yousuf: {For me patience is most fitting: Against that which ye assert, it is Allah (alone) Whose help can be sought}. Then the revelation came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him and I put a billow under his head. I did not fear anything because I am sure that I am innocent but my parents feared that Allah will reveal something proving the sayings of people. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down sweating heavily. He started wiping his sweat and said: Be happy Aisha, Allah The Almighty has revealed your innocence. I said: All praise be to Allah The Almighty. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and recited the following verses: {Those who brought forward the lie are a body among yourselves: think it not to be an evil to you; On the contrary it is good for you: to every man among them (will come the punishment) of the sin that he earned, and to him who took on himself the lead among them, will be a penalty grievous}.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: The story is right and it is mentioned in Al-Bukhari & Muslim – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Fiqh Al-Sira  – Page or number: 288

Giving Time to Adorn themselves

We went for a battle with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and I was riding on my camel but someone followed me from behind and began urging my camel with a stick; so, my camel went forward quickly more than the best camels. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: (Why you are in hurry?). I said: I got married recently. He said: (You married virgin or not?). I replied: not virgin. He said: (Isn’t it better to marry a young girl so that you can make fun with each other?). Then, when I went to consummate the marriage the Prophet – peace be upon him – said: (Wait until night – i.e. After Al-Isha (evening) – so that the bride can comb her hair and get ready).

Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5079

Considering their Psychology while in Illness

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was, if one of his family members sick, reading Al-Falq verse and An-Nas verse on the sick member of his family and wiping him with his hands. When he got the sick which caused his death, I started reading the said two verses and wiped him with his own hands because they are more blessed than mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2192

Bringing Good News and Joy to them

Jabril (Angle of Revelation) – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3820

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – told her: “Jabril is telling you his greetings” Aisha replied: tell him my greetings.

Jabril – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told these good news to Khadija and was very happy for her.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In-laws or Outlaws

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbid all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion; He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.”

(Surah An-Nahl: Verse 90)

Almost every society especially the ones flourishing in subcontinent or the ones influenced by subcontinent culture is a huge victim of interference of both parents and in-laws in the affairs of  children especially after their marriage. Parents should understand that Allah has bestowed upon them set of responsibilities towards their children and like versa.  However it is evidently clear from Quran and Sunah that children are not the properties of their parents and vice versa and therefore no-one owns no one.  Every time either party goes beyond their already set responsibilities or expectations— injustice shall arise and chaos shall be inevitable/un-avoidable. Surely in that case, involved party shall be answerable before Allah!!!

Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise practice is deeply rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interferences.  Kindly find below refreshing take on certain aspects to help sort out this serious issue:

01.  Love & Jealousy – One should learn to accept that different kind of love exists and each has its own capacity and its importance, eg. Children’s love to their parents, husband’s love to his wife, brother’s love to his sister and so on. Once either son or daughter gets married, mothers commonly feel jealous that their children love their spouse more than them. Kindly understand that the love of your children towards you is always there and could not be compared with their bond and commitment towards their spouses.

02.  Confidence – Be confident in your children’s love and do not suspect them just because they need to divide their time towards spouses after the marriage.  Be sure to keep loving you them as before and let the children know of it.    Always let them know that you are there for them no matter what for any guidance

03.   Care – Common issue relating to care and looking after parents after marriage is that parents often wrongfully blame their son in-law or daughter in-law for not taking care of them enough or at least that’s how it is perceived —this is mainly applicable to situations where daughter in laws are concerned. It should be very clear that it is mainly the duty of children themselves to fully accept and fulfill their responsibilities towards their own respectful parents.  Majority of the times, parents either fail to realize or still in denial to accept that in many cases it is their own children’s negligence and only they are to be blamed—this applies mainly to cases where son responsibilities are concerned towards its own parents.

04.  Consultation – When one gets married, issues relating to spouses/marriage are bound to emerge—in which case one can always go to their parents or in-laws for guidance. Make sure that one should consult them and should not complain to them. If one comes across as complaining to their in-laws about their daughter or son—it shall be taken negatively and shall always create a negative impression.

05.  Advice for parents/in-laws- Remember always to advise your children rather than ordering them or imposing your suggestions on them.

06.  Involvement of parents/in-laws – Don’t get involved in the details of your children’s marriage life– let them explore and experience their lives on themselves.  Let them handle things on their own unless they come to you for your help and advice! Remind yourself all the time, that when you got married you wished the same.

07.  Gifts – Often give gifts, small and immaterial it may seem, to your parents and in-laws as it has a magic effect.  Love needs expression so such kind gestures show one’s love and care to them. Always remember to be fair and just between parents and in-laws.

08.  Forgiveness – Whatever your parents or in-laws say or do–always be willing and ready to let issues go by.  Allah loves those who forgive and forget and is considered one of the best attributes to have.

Keeping in mind the Qur’anic verse where Allah says;

”and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say *Uff* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect. And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young.”

(Qur’an 17:23-24)

 09.  Privacy of couples—Keep your family matters within the walls do not disclose them unless it is necessary.

10.  In-law’s respect and care for daughter-in-law – Let the daughter-in-laws know of your respect, care and love for them specially through your actions. Express her of your happiness and satisfaction upon her marriage to your son, and how wonderful of a wife she has been to him. If she happens to be a mother, tell her what a wonderful mother she is. No one ever gets tired of hearing sincere compliments. Do compliment her and say “JazakAllah” when “JazakAllah” is due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture is a duty to her towards that needs to be obeyed.

11.   Realizing that you are you and she is she- Your daughter-in-law will most likely do things differently than you. If it bothers you, just smile and bear it. Don’t try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, the little details aren’t important. Don’t let them cause tension between you.

12.   To Mother in-laws – You have seen each one of them grow from young ladies, to loving, caring women. Give them the same unconditional love that you give your sons.

13.   To Mother in-laws – They were raised by families with different backgrounds than yours. They each have their own ways of doing things. They have learned a lot from you, and, hopefully, your relationship will get better with time.”

Needless to say, some of the comments above may be relevant to fathers-in-law as much as it is to mothers-in-laws. In order to sustain the key elements of a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law/ son-in-law a concerted EFFORT is to be made in establishing and maintaining it. Nonetheless, as this article has concentrated on the mother-in-law; it is not intended to portray a one sided approach or to demonize them in anyway. To equally sustain and maintain this balance—it requires and needs the daughter-in-law/ son-in-law play their parts with similar awareness, respect, care and patience. As the cliché’ goes: “It takes two hands to clap”.

14.  Be a good wife and be a good husband that no one will ever criticize you.

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.)

(Qur’an 41:34-35)

– Allah knows best –

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

MEN ARE THE PROTECTORS AND MAINTAINERS OF WOMEN

by Salmaan ibn Fahd al-‘Awdah

Allah says:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allahhas preferred one with over the other and because of what they spendto support them from their wealth.”[Sûrah an-Nisâ’: 34]

What does it mean that men are “protectors and maintainers” of women?  To answer this question, let us first look at the Arabic word that weare translating as “protectors and maintainers”. This word is“qawwâmûn” the plural of “qawwâm”.

This word – qawwâm – in turn, is an emphatic form of the word“qayyim”, which means a person who manages the affairs of others. Theqayyim of a people is the one who governs their affairs and steerstheir course. Likewise, the qayyim of a woman is either her husband orher guardian – the one who has to look after her and ensure that herneeds are met.

When Allah says: “Men are the qawwâmûn of women…” it means – and Allahknows best – that men are held liable for handling the affairs ofwomen and are responsible for the women under their care. A husband,therefore, has the responsibility of taking care of his wife,protecting her, defending her honor, and fulfilling her needsregarding her religion and her worldly life. It does not mean – as alltoo many people have falsely assumed – that he has the right to behaveobstinately towards her, compel her, subject her to his will, suppressher individuality, and thus heinously negate her identity.

His status as protector and maintainer is pure responsibility, pureliability, and not so much a position of authority. It requires fromhim that he uses his good sense, thinks carefully about what he does,and exercises patience. It means that he cannot be hasty and offhandedin his decisions. It does not mean that he can disregard his wife’sopinions and belittle her good person.

Why does Islam make men the protectors and maintainers of women?

The verse gives us two reasons why men are given this burden toshoulder. Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferred one withover the other…” and “…because of what they spend to support them fromtheir wealth.”

A problem arises when it is said that men have a preference to women.Then we see all those organizations, establishments, and activists whocall to women’s equality stirring into motion, jumping up ready tofight over this point, and going off on all kinds of tangents in theirthinking. Rather, they should pause long enough to properly understandwhat it means when Allah says: “…because of what Allah has preferredone with over the other …” This proper understanding can only be hadin the light of the Qur’ân and Sunnah and their sound application.

Those who go overboard in asserting the rights of women and claim thatthe woman in Islam is oppressed and that Islam does not do her justiceare driven to the point where they transgress against the very textsof the Qur’ân and Sunnah. In the name of “equality”, they demandabsolute uniformity in matters of inheritance, in governance, and ineverything else wherein a distinction between the sexes is made,sometimes taking matters so far that it is the men who have to chaseafter the hope of equality with women.

This brings us back to the question of what the verse is saying. Is itindicating that there is some inherent preference of men over women,something that is built into their very natures? The scholars ofQur’ânic commentary have taken two approaches to this matter.

The first approach is to refer the matter of the verse back to thenatural makeup of men and women, with respect to their intellects,their different manners of thinking, and their natural strengths. Theyfound that men, by nature, are more hot-blooded, tending more towardsstrength and severity, while women’s natures are cooler, tending moretowards gentleness and weakness.

The second approach is to look at it from a legal angle – that Allahhas imposed upon men to pay dowries to the women they wish to marryand has made men liable to spend on women and provide for them. Thisis the preference that men have over them. Likewise, Allah has placedprophecy with men only, as there has never been a woman prophet. Inthe same way, Allah has made the offices of supreme politicalauthority and the obligations of jihad the exclusive domain of men.

The issue of testimony is also brought up in this regard, for Allah says:

“And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if thereare not two men available, then a man and two women from those whomyou accept as witnesses – so that if one of them errs, the other canremind her.”[Sûrah al-Baqarah: 282]

Others using this approach have cited certain acts of worship, likethe fact that the Friday prayer and congregational prayers areprescribed only for men and not made compulsory on women.

The fact that men can have four wives while women cannot have morethan one husband, or the fact that men have the exclusive option ofimmediate divorce have also been advanced as an interpretations.

With respect to both of these approaches, there are two observationsthat we can make:

The first is that the followers of both approaches agree on apreference of men over woman on the basis of Allah’s words: “…becauseof what they spend to support them from their wealth.”

The second is that the opinions of the commentators regarding whetheror not the preferentiality refers to the natures of men and women isall based on their discretionary opinions (ijtihâd) with respect totheir understanding of the verse. In any event, it would be fair tosay that Allah has indeed singled out men for certain distinctions –prophethood, supreme political office, jihad, and military service,among other things – and this is because men have a nature differentthan that of women. This is a conclusion that all reasonable peoplewould have to agree upon. The obligation imposed upon men by Islam toprotect and maintain women should be seen in the context of thedifference in their natural makeup and that the purpose for this is tosecure the best interests of women.

Allah’s laws always accord with nature and take into consideration theunique gifts that Allah has bestowed upon each half that makes up thehuman whole – the man and the woman, so that those gifts can beemployed to their maximum effectiveness.

We must remain cognizant of the fact that both men and women areAllah’s creations. And that Allah would never oppress any of Hiscreatures. He prepares each of His creations to the purpose that heintends for it and bestows upon it the innate abilities needed tocarry out that purpose.

Allah has made it of the exclusive qualities of women that they fallpregnant, bear children, and nurse them. Therefore, she is by natureburdened with the care of what the union between a man and a womanbrings about, and it is an immense responsibility. Not only is it aheavy responsibility, it is a critical one, not something that can beapproached lightly, without the physical, mental, and emotionalpreparation that Allah has bestowed exclusively upon women.

On this basis, it is only just that Allah would burden the other halfof humanity – the men – with the task of fulfilling the needs of thosewomen and protecting them, and that He would bestow upon men theinnate physical, mental, and emotional qualities that would allow themto excel in doing what is required of them. Moreover, he would requiremen to be financially liable for the women under his care, since thisis a necessary consequence of the duties he has to carry out. Thesetwo elements are, essentially, what the verse is talking about.

It is interesting to point out that the examples given by thecommentators who follow the legal approach – things like prophethood,supreme political office, military duty, and carrying out certainreligious rites like the call to prayer and congregational worship –are merely consequential of the natural dispensation of men. Thereason these duties are suited to men is because men are not otherwisepreoccupied with domestic burdens that would prevent them fromcarrying them out.

Though prophethood, for instance, is an honor of the highest degree,it is by no means the cause of why men are the protectors andmaintainers of women. The distinction of prophethood can neither bederived from these duties, nor is it remotely indicative of anygeneral preference of men with regards to women. It is but a fact thatall the prophets were men.

Likewise, when we look at religious duties like making the call toprayer, leading the prayers, and giving the Friday sermon, we mustacknowledge that these duties were given to men by the decree ofIslamic Law. In no way do they necessitate that men are distinguishedwith every other possible legal ruling. Had Allah instead delegatedthese religious duties to women, this would not in any way haveprevented men from being burdened with their protection andmaintenance.

I must reiterate the point that the protection and maintenance givento men over women in no way implies the denial of the woman’sidentity, whether in the context of the home or her position insociety at large. It is merely a role to be played by men within thefamily environment so that this important social institution can beproperly managed, safeguarded, and upheld. The presence of a managerin a given institution does not negate or diminish the individualityor the rights of the others who share in it or of those who work forit. Islam has clearly defined what the protection and maintenance ofwomen entails for men – the care and protection, the manners andbehaviors, and all liabilities associated with it.

How the Prophet (r) put this duty into practice

The Prophet (r) was not an emperor who lorded over his family. When welook carefully at his life, we would find it the most eloquenttestimony of what we have stated above – that a man’s protection andmaintenance of women in no way entails obstinacy, compulsion, orsubjugation. ‘Â’ishah said about her husband:

“When he was at home, he was totally involved in housework.”

He was very clement. One of his wives woke up in the middle of thenight and discovered that the Prophet (r) was not beside her, thoughit was her night to have him with her. She tells us that she lockedthe door on him, thinking that he had gone to one of his other wiveson her night. When he returned after a short while to find that shehad locked him out of the house and asked her to open the door, sheconfronting him on why he had gone out. He calmly told her that hesimply had needed to go to the bathroom.

On many occasions, his wives would argue with each other in hispresence. He never got angry when they did. He always solved theirproblems with wisdom, gentleness, and sensitivity, never withharshness. This shows us what a man’s role as protector and maintainerof women is all about.

On one occasion, his wife Hafsah chided her co-wife Safiyyah bycalling her “the daughter of a Jew”. This was true, because Safiyyah’sfather, Hubayy b. Akhtab, was in fact a Jew who had died without everaccepting Islam. Still, such a comment was meant as a take onSafiyyah’s person, which was only more hurtful as it was coming fromher co-wife. So when she heard what Hafsah had said, she started tocry.

The Prophet (r) then came in and asked her why she was crying. She said:

“Hafsah called me the daughter of a Jew.” To this the Prophet (r)replied: “Verily, you are the daughter of a Prophet, your uncle wasalso a Prophet, and you are the wife of a Prophet, so what does shehave over you to boast about?” He then turned to Hafsah and said:“Fear Allah, O Hafsah.”

In an alternate narration, the Prophet is reported to have turned toSafiyyah and said: “Why didn’t you say: ‘So how can you be better thanme? Muhammad is my husband. Aaron is my father, and Moses is myuncle.”

Safiyyah was a descendant of Aaron (r). So, when Hafsah insinuatedthat Safiyyah’s being the daughter of a Jew was something bad, theProphet (r) showed Hafsah another way of looking at it: that Safiyyahwas the descendant of Prophet Aaron and that her uncle was Moses, andthat her husband was Muhammad (r), so there was no reason for her tobe ashamed.

Anyone who would take the man’s status in Islam as the protector andmaintainer of women and use it as a pretext to oppress women iscommitting a crime against Islam.

Islam has guaranteed women their rights as individuals, includingtheir right to have and express their own opinions. The Sunnah is fullof examples of this.

We have, for instance, where Khawlah bint Tha’labah complained to theProphet (r) about her husband who foreswore ever again having sex withher by the old pagan custom of claiming her to be like the back of hismother, whereupon the following verse of the Qur’ân was revealed:“Allah has indeed heard the words of the woman who pleads with youconcerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) toAllah…” [Sûrah al-Mujâdlah: 1] followed by the verses abolishing thatoppressive custom.

We can look at the case of Khansâ’, who’s father married her off withher disapproval, so the Prophet (r) had her marriage annulled.

In another instance, a young woman complained to ‘Â’ishah, saying:

“My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise hissocial status. However, I hate it.” When the Prophet (r) heard hercomplaint, he gave her the option of having the marriage annulled. Shesaid: “O Messenger of Allah! I have accepted what my father has done.However, I wanted to know that women had a choice in the matter.”

Then we have the story of Burayrah and her husband Mughîth. Both ofthem were slaves. When she acquired her freedom, she had the legalright of staying with her husband who was still a slave, or of leavinghim. She chose to leave him and he began following after her, crying for her to return to him. The Prophet (r) said to her:

“If only you would go back to him.” She asked: “O Messenger of Allah!Are you commanding me?” He said: “No. I am only pleading on his behalf.” She replied: “Then I have no use for him.”

On another occasion, a woman came to the Prophet (r), complaining that men are given the opportunities of military duty, congregational worship, and other things. The Prophet (r) let it be known that he wasvery pleased with her question and with her manner of address.

During the reign of the Caliph ‘Umar b. al-Khattâb, we have the story of a woman who rebuked him while he was on the pulpit about a decreehe wished to make. To this, he said publicly: “ ‘Umar is mistaken and this woman is correct.”

We can go on citing examples of women’s right to speak their own minds, even before the heads of state, not to mention their husbands.From this, we should be able to keep the status of men as protector sand maintainers of women in the proper perspective.

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