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Posts Tagged ‘Marraige


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Muslims Have Least Sex Outside Marriage, Study Suggests

muslim man praying

Of all the world’s major religious groups, Muslims are the least likely to have sex outside of marriage, new research found. And as a country’s Muslim population grows, the rate of premarital sex declines for all residents, even non-Muslims, according to the study.
Researchers analyzed the responses of over 620,000 people (ages 15-59) who were interviewed as part of the Demographic and Health Surveys in 31 mostly developing nations from 2000 to 2008.

Most countries included in the sample had either a Muslim or Christian majority, except India and Nepal, which have Hindu majorities, and Cambodia which has a Buddhist majority. (The United States was not included in the study.)

They found that, overall, the odds of married Muslims reporting premarital sex are 53 percent lower than for Christians. Hindus are 40 percent less likely to report premarital sex, compared with Christians. Meanwhile, Jews and Buddhists have greater chances of having sex before getting hitched than Christians do, according to the study.

The researchers believe these results could be linked to Muslims’ greater adherence to strict religious tenets that only allow sex within marriage. As many Muslim leaders place heavy importance on fidelity in marriage, it might be no surprise that Muslims also are less likely than Hindus, Christians and Jews to report extramarital sex, as the study found.

What’s more, the religious values of a Muslim majority in a country seem to exert a big    influence on the wider population’s sexual norms. A 1 percent increase in the percentage of Muslims in a nation caused a 2 percent decrease in the likelihood of premarital sex for all citizens, regardless of their religious identity, the study found. (The researchers note that an increase in the Muslim population in a country did not further reduce the odds of
premarital sex among just Muslims.)

“All major world religions discourage sex outside of marriage, but they are not all equally
effective in shaping behavior,” wrote the researchers, led by Amy Adamczyk, an associate
professor of sociology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. Their study was published in the October issue of the American Sociological Review.

The team speculated that in Muslim-majority countries, strict laws on women’s mobility and interaction between the sexes might cut down the opportunities for sex outside marriage. But the researchers found no significant relationship between a country’s restrictions on women and the odds of premarital and extramarital sex, suggesting religion plays a greater role than those laws in policing sexual behavior.

The same was true for age. Muslims and Hindus are more likely to have an arranged marriage and to marry younger than Christians and Jews. Though the likelihood of premarital sex increased with age, the study found that age was not a significant factor in driving down rates of premarital sex for these religious groups.

“One of the most surprising findings was that religious affiliations have a real influence on
people’s sexual behaviors,” Adamczyk said in a statement. “While a lot of research attention has been given to understanding differences between the major world religions in adherents’ attitudes, much less attention has been given to understanding differences based on behaviors.”

The researchers considered that social pressure could have caused some respondents being interviewed in the Demographic and Health Surveys (funded by USAID) to lie. But the survey  mandates that interviewers be the same gender as the respondent and try to conduct the questionnaire in private. The latter is not always possible and interviewers are instructed to note the presence of others. They are also told to flag inconsistent responses  (For example, if a respondent says she was a virgin at the time of marriage, but her reported age at first intercourse is younger than her age at marriage, that would get flagged.)

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

8 ways of finding the right person to marry

Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Now wake up and listen to this short lesson in some important “Do’s and Dont’s” along with other useful information inshaaAllaah.

#8 AVOID FACEBOOK SPOUSES

And any other social network for that matter

Since we spend most of our time online these days, it is very easy to try to fulfil all our needs online, even the need of finding a soul mate. Now don’t get me wrong, there are marriages who actually do work out, and I am not by any means hating on brothers and sisters who made it work (whatever floats your boats akhis and ukthis, just keep it halaal), but let’s face it, the Internet is a very weird place.

Everyone always tries to seem holier than they really are, even a Kaafir could pretend to be Muslim scholar for all you know.  In the good old days people married other people who they actually knew, and life was much more smooth, in very broad terms.

But today you marry someone who comes across as religious online only to find out on your wedding night he isn’t really that strict on Salah, oh and did I mention he has tons of friends who just happen to be girls? And not to mention he smokes (sorry forgot to tell you that too, my bad) the point is, be very careful concerning ANY online proposals.

If the person is serious and a good guy, drop them your wali’s number and don’t communicate with them anymore, then you’ll know if the person is really a gentleman or not.

#7 BEFRIEND GOOD PEOPLE

Looks more and more promising

This will open up the door for networking later on, because one of the main problems today is that a lot of people ask, ‘OK but how do I meet good potential spouses?’ and they often say ‘I don’t know anyone!’ but in reality everyone knows SOMEBODY.

Be it that friend who you only seem to meet at the masjid for big events, or your cousin who you don’t spend much time with, there is always someone you can befriend. But keep in mind that these individuals should be good practising people themselves because then they can help introduce you to other practising people who in turn might have brothers and sisters who are looking for marriage.

Trust me, it works. Try it for yourselves and see, but just don’t become that one sister (or brother) who ALWAYS talks about marriage and the opposite gender, because chances are you might get labelled as “thirsty” if not worse.

And if that fails, there is always facebook.

#6 BE AT GOOD PLACES

Do not confuse booty call material for wifey material

In the same way that you won’t find your amazing virgin niqabi wife at the club, dancing late into the night. You, yourself need to be looking in the right places, and this sort of brings us back to the previous point.

Attend lectures, study circles or maybe even volunteer to help at the masjid etc, all these activities will open up the door for you to meet the right people and once you get to know them you can raise the issue of marriage discreetly.

Remember most people who marry will tell you they got to know their spouse either through family and friends, or they might have actually met whilst doing the same activities, so try to be more active and don’t just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Oh and also stop going to the club.

DISCLAIMER: This website does not endorse any talking between the genders without the supervision of a Wali. Be a man and step up your game if you truly love her. Otherwise go to facebook.

#5 BE REALISTIC

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

You will end up on facebook surfing from one profile to the other.

#4 INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS

I mean at least this brother has his own house, so that’s always a plus right?

Most people don’t like doing this, for whatever reason. Most girls are just simply too shy to bring marriages up to their parents, in case the parents look at them as “horny” or a victim of teenage hormones. Others are afraid that if they involve the parents they will feel pressured into marrying someone they don’t want to marry, only to please their parents.

You remember that one time your friend mentioned to HER parents that she wanted to get married? And for her parents to help her look for a decent brother? And how they totally misunderstood her and now you heard that your friend moved back to Bangladesh and has 7 kids at the age of 21? Yeah that’s totally not going to happen to you.

Now what I am suggesting is a middle path. Bring the topic up to your parents, or if you’re too shy, speak to your brother or someone else who can raise the issue with your parents. And then ask your parents to look around for you, remember they can only suggest but the final decision still lies with you. And most of us really don’t make use of this option, which is very sad.

Our parents are the only human beings alive on the face of this earth who would do anything and everything for us, so why not consult them?

#3 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Believe it or not brothers, marriage is more than just mating and lying in bed. Shocking I know!

I don’t mean to scare you away by raising this question, as Muslims we should always aim to get married since it is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet.

But sometimes, some people rush into marriage. They think just because they are physically ready (have urges etc) that they should get married, forgetting that even the Prophet actually mentioned that those who have the MEANS to get married should do so. Now having the means is not just having a mature body, or even loads of cash. Rather it also about being mentally stable and able to cope with the hardships of marriage.

Don’t worry though, in marriage all you need is love to make things work (like they always say right?) so no need to over think things, love conquers all! Except that’s a total lie, marriage needs so much more, and even though love is a key element in marriage it is not always what keeps a marriage going.

Remember marriage is not all sunshine and fun, sometimes you will argue sometimes you wont love each other as much, what will happen then? Will you ask for a divorce just because the marriage isn’t fun anymore?

What if there are children involved, then what? The point is, prepare yourself for marriage mentally. Read up on the rights of the Husband and the rights of the Wife, don’t just marry because you’re 20 and feel you have to. This husband will be either your Jannah or Hell, do you really know what that means?

Similarly this wife and future children will be your responsibility as a husband, Allaah will ask you about them and everything they do, so be prepared.

#2 WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF?

Because that is how I roll

‘Ofcourse I would, I am pure awesomeness, I am the very defin…’ if that is your answer then I can tell you right now that you don’t really have the right mentality for marriage. We often get blinded by the search for the ultimate partner that we neglect to look at ourselves.

We cry and say why won’t anyone marry me? But do nothing to change ourselves. How do you treat people when you get upset? What do you do if you hold a grudge? Do not turn a blind eye to all these important issues, rather tackle them one by one. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.

If you truly and sincerely work on your own flaws, and really do become more caring and loving then you will notice how people will look at you differently. People will start to think of you as ‘wifey’ material because you are good with kids, because you care for others, because you forgive people and don’t hold grudges don’t gossip etc the list is long but if you take one step at a time you will be married before you know it.

Well you would know of it, ’cause I mean you couldn’t get married without knowing about it, right? So technically you would know about it, but yeah whatever.

#1 DU’AA

Dua is the weapon of the believer, why not use it?

Because like anything in life, Allaah is the true reason behind things. Even though some people often roll their eyes and think ‘Yeah right the old, make dua brother/sister’ but if you truly have faith in Allaah and know that He answers the prayers of those in need, you will never get tired of making du’aa to Him.

Take the story of Muusa alyhi salaam as an example, in Soorah Qasas we are told about how he left Fir’awn and was literally fleeing for his life, his one concern was saving his own skin. But what happened? He made du’aa to Allaah, and Allaah not only saved him but blessed him with a wonderful wife. So in short, if you make du’aa and don’t give up Allaah will help you, and that is a promise!

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Falling in Love Allowed in Islam

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The Prophet’s Emotions toward his Wives

Assalam Alaykum Brother and sisters ,

In todays life husband and wife relationship are not so good,we always hear,some brother did and some brother that.some even say No I don;t know How to good towards her.etc etc etc and Few Even Abuse them.

I hope this Article will help brother to know How to deal with wifes… all these materials are taken from biography of Prophet.Kindly Share with other brothers.

Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet – peace be upon him – you will find that he was extending a great deal respect to his wives and was paying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love. Here are some attractive examples and shining moments in his life:

Knowing their Feelings

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was telling Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her: “I know well when you are pleased or angry from me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I just desert you name. In another narration the same tradition ended by saying: “No, by the God of Ibrahim”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2439

Understanding their Jealousy & Love

Umm Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and his companions. Seeing that, Aisha came holding a tool and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding the situation, the Prophet took the two halves of the dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is just the jealousy of your mother, then the Prophet took the dish of Aisha and gave it to Um Salama and gave the dish of Um Salama to Aisha.

Narrated by: Um Salama – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Nasa’i  – Page or number: 3966

Understanding their Psychology & Nature

The Prophet – peace be upon him – said: “Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are just like this; therefore treat them kindly”.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3331

This tradition is not for dispraising women as understood by the public, contrary, it is for teaching and educating men. Moreover, this tradition expressed the accurate understanding of the nature of the women and indicated the possibility of leaving the woman as it is in the permissible things but to guide her if she exceeded the permissible limits such as doing the sins and neglecting the duties.

Complaining to & Consulting them

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has consulted his wives in the most delicate and important matters such as consulting his wife Um Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – in Al-Hudaibia Treaty. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has written the treaty between him and the polytheists of Quraish in Al-Hudaibia region, in the Hudaibia year and told his companions: Go to make immolation and shave, but no one responded. The Prophet – peace be upon him – repeated that three times but still no one responded to him. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went to Um Salama and told her about the matter. Hearing that, Um Salam said: O Prophet of Allah, just go and don’t speak to any one until you make your immolation and shave. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and did not speak to any one until he did the same. Seeing that, the companions stood and make their immolation and began shaving for each other to the degree that some of them was about to kill the other out of their grief.

Narrated by: Um Salama Hind Bint Abi Umayiah – Degree: successive – the narrator: Ibn Jarir Al-Tabari – The Source: Tafsir Al-Tabari  – Page or number: 2/293

Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told Aisha in the long tradition of Um Zara’ narrated by Al-Bukhari: I am in my love and loyalty to you just like Abi Zara’ and Um Zara” Aisha replied: You are dearer to me more than my father and mother, you are even more loyal and loving than Abi Zara’ to Um Zara”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5189

Choosing the Best Nicknames to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha: O Aish (nickname of Aisha), this is Jabril (Angle of revelation) telling you the greetings. Aisha said: May peace and blessings be upon him, you (The Prophet) see what I can’t see. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha “Al-Humairaa” (i.e. white-skinned woman).

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Ibn Hijer Al-Asqalani – The Source: Fateh Al-Bari of Ibn Hijer  – Page or number: 2/515

Eating & Drinking with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: When I drink water from the pot while in menstruation period and give the pot to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – he drinks from the same place which touched my mouth, moreover, during menstruation, I was eating from the piece of meat and giving the same to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and the Prophet puts his mouth in the same place of mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 300

Not Complaining of their Circumstances

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I was combing the hair of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while in menstruation.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 295

Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was leaning on my lab while in menstruation and read Quran.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 297

Going on Picnics & Accompanying Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between his wives when he wants to go out. Once, the Prophet cast a lot between his wives and the lot was the share of Aisha and Hafsa together. At night, the Prophet walks with Aisha and speaks to her. Knowing that, Hafsa told Aisha: Why don’t you ride on my camel and I ride yours and see what happens? Aisha replied: okay. Then Aisha rode the camel of Hafsa while Hafsa rode the camel of Aisha. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then went to the camel of Aisha while Hafsa riding it, greeted her and walked together until they got down. Seeing that, Aisha felt jealousy and tried to put her leg between the lemon grass and say: O my Lord, send a scorpion or a sneak to sting me, this is your Prophet and I can’t say anything to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2445

Helping them in the Household Duties

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home? She replied: He was helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayer he goes out.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5363

Depending on himself to Relieve them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in his home? She replied: He washes his clothes, milks his ewe, and serves himself.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani– The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4996

She said also: he sews his clothes, cleans his shoes and does what men generally do in their homes.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4937

Tolerating for their Happiness

Aisha narrated that Abu Baker – May Allah be pleased with them – entered to the home of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while two young girls were striking on the tambourine and signing and while the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laying and covering himself with his clothes. Seeing him, the Prophet uncovered his face and told him: O Aba Baker, let them continue, it is the days of Eid (festival). The said days were Mina Days and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was in the Medina.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Sahih An-Nasai  – Page or number: 1596

Treat them Fairly while Angry

Once, Aisha was angry of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – So, he told her: Do you accept Abu Obaida Bin Al-Jarrah as a judge between us? She replied: No, this man will not issue a judgment against you in my favor. He said: Do you accept Omar as a judge? She replied: I fear Omar. He said: Do you accept Abu Baker (her father)? She replied: Yes I accept him.

Calm Them Down In Panic

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was putting his hand on the shoulder of his wife when she is angry and saying: “O Allah, forgive her sins, relieve her heart from rage and protect her from distress”.

Giving Presents and Showing Affection to their Friends

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not ever been jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

74712- When he slaughters the sheep says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’ – Page or number: 4722

Praising & Thanking them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: The rank of Aisha to the other women is like the rank of the porridge to the other foods.

Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2446

Feeling Happy when they are Happy

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was playing with the toy girls when she was with the Prophet – Peace be upon him. She added: My friends were coming to visit me and they were feeling shy of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – but he was letting them in to me. In another narration in the tradition of Jarir: I was playing with toy girls while in his home.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2440.

Feeling Pleased when they are Glad

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: Once, the Prophet – Peace be upon him – came from a battle and there was a cover for my toy girls in my room. The wind uncovered the toy girls. Seeing that, the prophet said: What is this? She replied: my daughters. He said: What is the thing between them? She replied: it is a horse. He said: What is this thing on the horse? She replied: they are two wings. He said: A horse with two wings!! She replied: didn’t you hear that Sulaiman bin Dawood – Peace be upon them – was having horses with wings? The Prophet then laughed until his molars appeared.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Ghayat Al-Maram  – Page or number: 129

Expressing his Love to them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not been ever jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

Considering her Best Manners

“The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character”.
Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1469

Keeping Their Privacy

“The worst rank for a man at the day of judgment is the rank of the man who sleeps with his wife and then discloses her privacy”.
Narrated by: Abu Saeed Al-Khudri – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1437

Refraining from Beating or Abusing them

“The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has not ever beaten any woman, any servant or anything in his hand other than fighting in the way of Allah The Almighty. He does not take revenge from anyone harmed him except when breaching the orders of Allah The Almighty, at which case, he takes revenge”.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2328

Consoling & Wiping their Tears

Safiyah – May Allah be pleased with her – was traveling with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and it was then her turn to travel with him. She was slow in walking. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – received her while crying and saying: You gave me a slow camel. Seeing that, The Prophet – Peace be upon him – wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. Narrated by An-Nasai.

Putting the Bite in her Mouth

The Prophet – Peace be upon him said: “If you expend anything seeking the pleasure of Allah the Almighty, even if you put a bite in the mouth of your wife, He will promote you to a higher degree in paradise”.
Narrated by: — – Degree: Right – the narrator: Ibn Taymiyyah – The Source: Majmou’ Al-Fatawa  – Page or number: 10/31

Fulfilling their Needs

“O Prophet of Allah, what are the rights of my wife? He said: To feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe, don’t beat her face, don’t abuse her and don’t desert her except in home”.
Narrated by: Mu’awiah Bin Haida Al-Qushairi – Degree: Stated in the introduction that it is “Right” pursuant to the standards of some narrators – the narrator: Ibn Daqiq Al-Eid – The Source: Al-Elmam  – Page or number: 2/655

Trusting them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – prohibited men from knocking the door of their families at night trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes. In another narration, he did not mention “Trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes”.
Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 715

Remembering & Caring About Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was visiting his eleven wives within a short period of time, at night or in the day. I said to Anas: Was he bearing that? Anas said: He has the power of thirty men.
Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 268

Respecting them during Menstruation

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was making love with his wives above the loincloth while in menstruation.
Narrated by: Maimona Bint Al-Hareth – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 294

Accompanying them in Travel

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between him wives when he wants to travel then he takes the one who wins the lot. He cast a lot between us in one of his battles and it was me who won it; therefore, I went with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – after the revelation of Al-Hijab (veil) verse.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2879

Racing & Playing with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was accompanying the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in travel while she was a young girl. She said I was still slim. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told his companions to go forward. They went forward. Then he told me: come, I want to have race with you. We started the race and I won. After a period of time, I went in travel with him and he said to his companions go forward. The companions went forward and then he told me: come to have a race with you. At that time, I forgot the former race and I was fat. I told him: how can we race while I am in this situation (thin)? He replied: you will do it. Then we started the race and he won. He laughed then and said: tit for tat.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: his attribution is right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Adab Al-Zafaf  – Page or number: 204

Choosing the Best Nicknames for them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said to the Prophet – Peace be upon him: O Prophet of Allah, all of your wives have nicknames except me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – replied: take the name of your son Abdullah (i.e. Abdullah bin Al Zubair), your nickname now is Um Abdullah. The narrator said: She was called Um Abdullah until she died though she has not ever given birth.
Narrated by: Orwa Bin Al-Zubair – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha – Page or number: 1/255

Sharing Happiness and Joy with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: By Allah The Almighty, I saw the Prophet – Peace be upon him – standing at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing with their bayonets in the mosque of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while he was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing and was waiting for me until I finish by my own will. So, try to consider the desires of the young girls, they like playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 892

116691- Aisha narrated: I saw the Prophet – peace be upon him – at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing in the mosque and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 454

Spreading Happiness in his House

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: Once, Sawda visited us and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (food) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: If you don’t eat I will stain your face with Khazira but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khzaira to Sawda and told her stain her face; so, Swada stained my face and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laughed. Then Omar – May Allah be pleased with him – passed by and called for Abdullah. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – thought that he will enter but Omer said to us: Go wash your faces. Aisha said: Since then, I still fearing Omar due to the Prophet’s respect to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Good – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha  – Page or number: 7/363

Loving & Respecting their Families

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – appointed Amer Bin Al-Aas as a leader to Zat Al-Salasil Battle. Feeling the love of the Prophet, Amer asked the Prophet: Whose is the dearest to you? He answered: (Aisha), Amer said: I mean from men: he replied: (Her father), Amer said: Who then? The Prophet replied: (Omar), then the Prophet mentioned several men; so, Amer kept silence in order not to be the last of them.

Narrated by: Abu Othman Al-Nahdi – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 4358

Keeping their Dignity in Ordeals

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – wants to travel, he casts a lot between his wives and the one who won the lot will accompany him. At Bani Al-Mustaleq Battle, I won the lot and traveled with him. The women were eating light food and avoid meat in order to move easily. I was sitting in my howdah when we get down for rest and when we want to go, they carry me while in the howdah and put it on the back of the camel and then tight it with ropes to go forward again.

When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – finished the said travel, he went back to the Medina. By approaching the Medina, he got down and took rest for a short period at night. Thereafter, the people were told to resume walking and they got ready to continue while I was out to relieve nature and I was having a necklace in my neck. When I finished, the necklace fell down from my neck and I did not remember it until I reached to the place of my baggage. At that time, people began leaving while I returned back again to my place looking for the necklace until I found it. Then, the people who took my camel for rest returned back and put the howdah on the camel thinking that I am there as usual and resumed walk. I returned back to the camp and no people were there. All of them went forward. Seeing that, I covered myself with my gown and lay down in my place so that when they miss me they can return and find me there. While in that situation (laying down), Safwan Bin Al-Mu’atel Al-Salami passed by me as he was late for relieving nature. He saw my black clothes and approached me – He knew me before the revelation of the Hijab (veil) verse – and said: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return. The wife of the Prophet is here? I was then covering myself with my gown. He said: Why you are late? I said nothing. Then he got the camel close to me and said: Ride. He went back a little. Then I rode the camel and he guided the camel toward the caravan but we did not reach them and they did not miss us until the morning when they got down for rest. Then, they saw the man guiding the camel I rode. At that moment, a group of people fabricated a story and began spreading rumors that we committed adultery and the whole camp became confused while I know nothing about the whole matter.

Then we reached Medina and I was very sick and no one is telling me what is going around. Then the matter reached to my father and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and no one mentioned anything to me. I was then not pleased with the treatment of the Prophet toward me while I was sick because when he enters my room while my mother is nursing me he just says: How are you? He did not say anything else. Seeing that, I felt angry of his coolness and told him: May I go to my mother? He replied: No problem. Then I went to my mother and knew nothing about the whole matter. About twenty days later I recovered. At our era, we were not having toilets like the non-Arabs. We hate it. We were just going to the free spaces in the Medina and the women were going out every night to relieve nature. At certain night, I went out with Um Mustah to relieve nature.

At the way, she stumbled with her clothes and said: Woe to my son Mustah. I said to her: It is not good to speak like this about a man like your son, he is one of the immigrants and he has witnessed Bader Battle! Um Mustah said: Don’t you know the recent news? I said: What happened? She told me about the rumors made by the people that I committed adultery. I asked her: Is that what happened? She said: yes. Hearing that, I was not able even to relieve nature and went back to home. I continued crying till I felt my liver will be broken out. I told my mother: All people speaking ill about me, why you did not mention this to me? My mother said: My dear daughter, don’t worry; this usually happens to any beautiful woman loved by her husband who has other wives because the other wives and people will speak a lot about her out of their jealousy. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then delivered a sermon to the people – I did not k

new that then – and said: “O people, why some group of you are speaking ill about my family and telling false about them? I swear by Allah The Almighty that my wife is good and chaste. Moreover, they also spoke ill about a man who is straightforward. That man did not enter my house except in my company”. Hearing that, Abdullah Bin Ubai and some men of Al-Khazraj tribe got angry and the matter became complicated after what was told by Mustah and Hamna Bint Jahsh, the sister of Zainab Bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – because she was the only wife who compete with my rank for the Prophet. Zainab spoke only good about me but her sister Hamna spread ill rumors about me. When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – delivered the above mentioned sermon, Usaid Bin Khudair said: O Prophet of Allah, if they (The people who spoke ill about your family) are from Al-Aws tribe we will kill them and if they are from our brothers in Al-Khazraj tribe, just order us and we will cut their necks. Hearing that, Saad Bin Obada (Head in Al-Khazraj tribe and was considered of the righteous men) said out of ardor: I swear by Allah that you are lying, we will not allow you to cut their nicks, you just said like that because you know well that they (Who spoke ill about the Prophet’s family) are from Al-Khazraj tribe, and if they were from your tribe you will not speak like this about them. Usaid replied: I swear by Allah that you are the liar, you are just a hypocrite man defending the hypocrite people. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – got down from his stand and called Ali Bin Abi Taleb and Osama Bin Zaid – May Allah be pleased with them – in order to consult them.

Osma spoke good and said: O Prophet of Allah, it is your family and we know nothing but good about them and these rumors are lies and false. Ali said: O Prophet of Allah, women are many, you can marry again, and you can ask her maid, she will not lie. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – called Brira (the maid) and asked her about the matter. Ali has beaten her severely while saying: speak the truth to the Prophet! The maid was saying: I swear by Allah that I know nothing but good about Aisha except that when I knead the dough I tell her to keep it but she sleeps and forgets it, so the sheep comes and eat it! Then Aisha said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – entered to my room while my parents were with me. There was also a woman from Al-Ansar (People who supported the Prophet) crying with me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down, praised Allah then said: O Aisha, you knew what the people are saying, be pious, and if you committed any thing of what is said by the people just repent to Allah. Allah will accept the repentance. Hearing that, I did not find any tears in my eyes (out of my astonishment of the speech of the Prophet) and expected that my parents will answer on my behalf but they did not do so. I was thinking that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – will see a dream proving my innocence but did not expect that my rank is high to the degree that Allah The Almighty will reveal a verse proving my innocence. I told my parents: Can’t you answer the Prophet of Allah? They replied: We do not know what to say. The matter was very difficult for Abu Baker family.

Aisha said: At that ordeal, the family of my father Abu Baker suffered more than anyone can bear. Then Aisha said: When my parents did not reply, I started crying and said: I swear by Allah I will not repent from what you say at all because if I admit what the people is saying – Though I am innocent – I will be saying what is not happened actually and if I denied, you will not believe. Then I tried to remember the name of the Prophet Yaqoub (Jacob) but in vain, then I said: I will say just like the father of Yousuf: {For me patience is most fitting: Against that which ye assert, it is Allah (alone) Whose help can be sought}. Then the revelation came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him and I put a billow under his head. I did not fear anything because I am sure that I am innocent but my parents feared that Allah will reveal something proving the sayings of people. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down sweating heavily. He started wiping his sweat and said: Be happy Aisha, Allah The Almighty has revealed your innocence. I said: All praise be to Allah The Almighty. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and recited the following verses: {Those who brought forward the lie are a body among yourselves: think it not to be an evil to you; On the contrary it is good for you: to every man among them (will come the punishment) of the sin that he earned, and to him who took on himself the lead among them, will be a penalty grievous}.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: The story is right and it is mentioned in Al-Bukhari & Muslim – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Fiqh Al-Sira  – Page or number: 288

Giving Time to Adorn themselves

We went for a battle with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and I was riding on my camel but someone followed me from behind and began urging my camel with a stick; so, my camel went forward quickly more than the best camels. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: (Why you are in hurry?). I said: I got married recently. He said: (You married virgin or not?). I replied: not virgin. He said: (Isn’t it better to marry a young girl so that you can make fun with each other?). Then, when I went to consummate the marriage the Prophet – peace be upon him – said: (Wait until night – i.e. After Al-Isha (evening) – so that the bride can comb her hair and get ready).

Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5079

Considering their Psychology while in Illness

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was, if one of his family members sick, reading Al-Falq verse and An-Nas verse on the sick member of his family and wiping him with his hands. When he got the sick which caused his death, I started reading the said two verses and wiped him with his own hands because they are more blessed than mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2192

Bringing Good News and Joy to them

Jabril (Angle of Revelation) – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3820

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – told her: “Jabril is telling you his greetings” Aisha replied: tell him my greetings.

Jabril – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told these good news to Khadija and was very happy for her.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Twelve Important Tips for a Happy Marriage Life

1) Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often

Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, (سبحانه وتعالى), in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself, then, becomes an act of worship, and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) will be pleased with them, and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. Realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
2) Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam

Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.

The Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said: None of you are true believers until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. [Bukhari,2/12] Subhanallah, how many marriages could this hadith alone save? It counters every kind of negative treatment and encourages every kind of good treatment!

3) Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations

Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and expect perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality, and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when we discover our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, leads to contentment within the marriage.

4) Focus on the Best in Your Spouse

Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Express encouragement, praise, and gratitude on a regular basis, to strengthen these qualities and to encourage developing others. Make an attempt to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” [Muslim, 8/3469]

5) Be Your Mate’s Best Friend

Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

6) Spend Quality Time Together

It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship.Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option they choose and distractions should be kept to a minimum.

The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to race with his wife, ‘Aisha (رضي الله عنها). Sometimes she won, and sometimes he won. Remember, he was in his fifties at the time!–how many of us think we are to “mature” to do something enjoyable that can also, with a proper intention, count as an act of worship and ring in piles of good deeds?

7) Express Feelings Often

This seems like a very “Western” concept and one that some people may struggle with, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings,both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that, what begins as a simple concern, may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” never fixes anything in the long-term.

8) Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness

Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also ask our spouses to forgive us when we make mistakes. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

9) Never Bring Up Past Mistakes

It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but in the proper manner and with the best of intentions and etiquettes.

10) Surprise Each Other at Times

This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunch-box. A little imagination goes a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively impact the marriage.

11) Cultivate a Sense of Humour

Joke with your spouse. This particular aspect goes a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner helps make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic, and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.

In fact, the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) himself joked with his wives, as well as with companions (though without lying), and tolerated some companions who were known for being light-hearted and prankish.

12) Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements

* Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.

* Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.

* Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.

* Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.

* Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.

* If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

* Remember your house in Paradise! The Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings [suburbs] of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.[Abu Dawud, 41/4782]

By Dr. Aisha Hamdan (additional notes are italicized).


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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The First Two Years:

A Marriage Survival Guide


More Muslim marriages in North America are breaking up in their first year than ever before, The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. They are a time a couple spends getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other’s habits and personalities.

Below are some of the main problems couples face in the early years and some possible solutions.

1. Lack of proper information before marriage

A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the couple and their families have not discussed crucial issues beforehand. Some of these include:

  • whether or not the wife will work outside the home
  • will the couple wait to have children
  • which city and country the couple will live in after marriage
  • will they live with his parents or have their own apartment

These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.

2. Who’s in charge?

One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.

Many couples today are refusing to compromise within moderation when differences arise.

While from an Islamic perspective, the husband is given the leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not mean he runs the couple’s family life like a dictatorship.

It must be remembered that Islamically, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also have humbleness and humility.

A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by being listening to and consulting (doing Shura) with his wife.

Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Quran and Sunnah. So differences in opinion should be referred back to these sources, instead of becoming a source of tension and problems.

3. The divorce option

Once upon a time, “divorce” was the seven-letter word most Muslim couples avoided using. Today, amongst many Muslim couples in North America, it is one of the first recourses turned to when conflicts occur in marriage.

It should be remembered that out of all of the things Allah has made Halal, divorce is the one He hates the most. Couples need to look at several other alternatives before turning to this drastic measure.

They should seek the help of older, wiser and trustworthy elders who will try to help them resolve their differences. Generally, they need to make a sincere, concerted effort to try to work things out before divorce is seriously considered.

4. Sexual problems

It is unrealistic to expect the issue of sex and sex-related problems to mysteriously disappear once a couple gets married.

In the sex-saturated culture of North America, couples tend to place very high expectations of each other in this area. They also expect instant results.

In reality, it takes time, commitment, disappointment and investment to establish a sexual relationship in marriage which is in tune with the needs of each partner.

It’s important for Muslim couples to walk into marriage with proper information about sex and sexual etiquette from an Islamic perspective. They need to know what is Halal (permissible) and what is Haram (forbidden). They should also keep in mind that spouses must never discuss their sexual relationship with others, unless it is to get help for a specific problem with the right person or authority figure.

On a similar note, it’s important for both the husband and wife to remember that they need to make themselves physically attractive to each other. Too many couples take marriage to mean an excuse to now let themselves go. The couple or one of the partners may gain too much weight, or may not care about hygiene and their looks in general. The reverse should be true: spouses should take the time out for these things and give them even more attention after marriage. Our beloved Prophet has recommended husband and wife both to do that, May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him.

5. In-laws

The first few years of marriage are not just a period of adjustment for the married couple. It’s one of getting used to in-laws and vice-versa.

Husbands, wives and in-laws need to practice the Islamic rules of social relations with each other. These include: avoiding sarcasm, backbiting, calling each other by offensive nicknames, and making a special effort to respect each other as family members.

As well, comparisons need to be avoided, since every individual and every couple is different. So wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters. Husbands should not be compared to fathers and brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, etc.

In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at least once or twice a month, or calling if distance makes it difficult to get together.

6. Realism

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.

This is the plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie, where everyone is “perfect”. Real life is very different.

Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all.

6. Making a schedule and establishing rituals

Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but it’s not.

This allows you to establish your own lifestyle and rituals as a couple. It’s especially important if both the husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other during a fast-paced week of work and studies.

Some rituals couples can establish may include:

  • praying at least one prayer together
  • attending a study circle together once a week
  • deciding on a weekly menu
  • having a pancake breakfast every Saturday morning
  • setting aside one day on which no work or studying will be done
  • setting a day when both the husband and wife will clean up the house
  • setting a time to discuss finances and a budget
  • making a phone contacting during the day
  • deciding on a particular day and time once a month at least to visit each other’s parents

By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn to become a team instead of two people living in the same with separate lives.

7. Marriage as a restriction

Muslim men who have grown up in North America may find marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out with their buddies and get home by 11:00 p.m. and no one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to be home by 7:00 p.m if not earlier.

While marriage comes with responsibilities and a tighter schedule, the benefits are also there. It takes time and patience to realize that in the end the benefits (i.e. a life partner, kids, etc.) are greater than the restrictions.

8. Friends and Islamic activities

Friends are a joy and a good friend is someone you want to be close to for the rest of your life.

But friends are often the source of many marriage conflicts. Too much time spent with friends, either hanging out or on the phone, means time lost with a husband/wife.

Also, friends, especially if they are of the same age group, may give the wrong advice on marriage, due to their own inexperience in the area.

Some possible solutions to the friends dilemma could be:

  • working out a “friends time” at least once a week where the husband and the wife meet and/or talk with friends privately
  • developing friendships with other married couples so spouses can befriend spouses

Islamic activities fall in a similar category. Young Muslim activists may think they can keep attending those three-hour Muslim Students’ Association meetings as they did before marriage. Not so.

Too much focus on outside Islamic activities takes away from spouse time. Give Islamic activities their due but within a balance of everyone’s rights, including those of your spouse.

9. Not keeping secrets

A number of young married couples are notorious for not keeping secrets, especially related to sexual matters, and exposing their spouse’s faults. This is not only unacceptable. It’s unIslamic.

Couples should seek to hide each other’s faults. They should seek advice on marriage problems from a “marriage mentor”, someone who is older, wiser, trustworthy and has the best interests of both parties at heart.

10. Finances

How much should be spent on furniture, the house, food, etc. These are staple issues of any household and can lead to a tug-of-war between husband and wife.

To keep spending in check, husbands and wives need to draft a budget then stick to it. The household will run more efficiently and that’s one less source of conflict in the marriage.

A special note to husbands: in the beginning of marriage, husbands tend to shower their wives with gifts. They do this as an expression of love and because they want to provide for their wives. However, as time passes and they keep giving, they go into debt or experience financial difficulty. As well, wives get used to a certain level of comfort which husbands can no longer afford.

Providing for a wife (and later on, a family) is not just reserved to material things. It includes spending time with her, and treating her with equity and kindness. In fact, most wives would prefer this kind of provision over expensive gifts.

11. Give each other space

A number of couples think being married means always being together and serving each other hand and foot.

Wives may initially take over all household chores, not letting the husband help or even do his own things (i.e. ironing his own clothes). They later regret this as household responsibilities increase and their husbands become dependent on them for the smallest things.

Husbands may think getting married means being with their wives all the time. This later may lead them to becoming irritable and cranky.

The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally.

Source: Soundvision


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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife 


The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations.

Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes of the husband:

1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.

4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.

6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.

9. And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn’t find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.

10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.

11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife’s easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.

12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

13. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).

14. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

15. The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.

18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

22. Guardianship of your wife doesn’t mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.

25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.

26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.

27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.

29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman’s service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. Read more husband wife related articles here :

  1. Characteristics of Pious Husband

  2. Characteristics of Pious Wife

  3. How to Make your Wife Happy?

  4. How to Make your Husband Happy?

  5. How should a Husband Treat His Wife?

  6. 10 Common Mistakes that destroy a Relationship Of marriage

  7. Must Have in Every RelationShip?

  8. 10 tips to be successful husband

  9. Husband’s Responsibilities towards his Family

  10. 61 ways to keep the love of your husband

  11. The Language between Spouses

  12. 81 ways to win your wife’s love

  13. Wives – Are mates :: Woman In Islam

  14. Guidelines for Husbands

  15. Better Relation ship of Husband and WIFE

  16. Choosing Wife and Husband – Moral Story

  17. Responsibiltes of Husband

  18. what should i look for to have a good muslim husband?

  19. Love Her :: MUST READ FOR EVERY BROTHER !!

  20. How to Love your wife as a MUSLIM :: Vedio

  21. Marriage counseling – Satan is The ENEMY

  22. 11 tips to deal with martial disputes

  23. 10 ways to increase happiness in your marriage

  24. 50 things you need to know about martial relationship

  25. Beating WIFE? DO muslim Beat their wives?

  26. Why Islam allows multiple wives?

  27. Polygamy :: Misconception about Islam

  28. Questions to ASK a Husband?

  29. Is it permissible for a man to force his wife for intercourse

  30. Carry me in your arms :: Short story

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