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Posts Tagged ‘Marraige in Islam


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

8 ways of finding the right person to marry

Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Now wake up and listen to this short lesson in some important “Do’s and Dont’s” along with other useful information inshaaAllaah.

#8 AVOID FACEBOOK SPOUSES

And any other social network for that matter

Since we spend most of our time online these days, it is very easy to try to fulfil all our needs online, even the need of finding a soul mate. Now don’t get me wrong, there are marriages who actually do work out, and I am not by any means hating on brothers and sisters who made it work (whatever floats your boats akhis and ukthis, just keep it halaal), but let’s face it, the Internet is a very weird place.

Everyone always tries to seem holier than they really are, even a Kaafir could pretend to be Muslim scholar for all you know.  In the good old days people married other people who they actually knew, and life was much more smooth, in very broad terms.

But today you marry someone who comes across as religious online only to find out on your wedding night he isn’t really that strict on Salah, oh and did I mention he has tons of friends who just happen to be girls? And not to mention he smokes (sorry forgot to tell you that too, my bad) the point is, be very careful concerning ANY online proposals.

If the person is serious and a good guy, drop them your wali’s number and don’t communicate with them anymore, then you’ll know if the person is really a gentleman or not.

#7 BEFRIEND GOOD PEOPLE

Looks more and more promising

This will open up the door for networking later on, because one of the main problems today is that a lot of people ask, ‘OK but how do I meet good potential spouses?’ and they often say ‘I don’t know anyone!’ but in reality everyone knows SOMEBODY.

Be it that friend who you only seem to meet at the masjid for big events, or your cousin who you don’t spend much time with, there is always someone you can befriend. But keep in mind that these individuals should be good practising people themselves because then they can help introduce you to other practising people who in turn might have brothers and sisters who are looking for marriage.

Trust me, it works. Try it for yourselves and see, but just don’t become that one sister (or brother) who ALWAYS talks about marriage and the opposite gender, because chances are you might get labelled as “thirsty” if not worse.

And if that fails, there is always facebook.

#6 BE AT GOOD PLACES

Do not confuse booty call material for wifey material

In the same way that you won’t find your amazing virgin niqabi wife at the club, dancing late into the night. You, yourself need to be looking in the right places, and this sort of brings us back to the previous point.

Attend lectures, study circles or maybe even volunteer to help at the masjid etc, all these activities will open up the door for you to meet the right people and once you get to know them you can raise the issue of marriage discreetly.

Remember most people who marry will tell you they got to know their spouse either through family and friends, or they might have actually met whilst doing the same activities, so try to be more active and don’t just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Oh and also stop going to the club.

DISCLAIMER: This website does not endorse any talking between the genders without the supervision of a Wali. Be a man and step up your game if you truly love her. Otherwise go to facebook.

#5 BE REALISTIC

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

You will end up on facebook surfing from one profile to the other.

#4 INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS

I mean at least this brother has his own house, so that’s always a plus right?

Most people don’t like doing this, for whatever reason. Most girls are just simply too shy to bring marriages up to their parents, in case the parents look at them as “horny” or a victim of teenage hormones. Others are afraid that if they involve the parents they will feel pressured into marrying someone they don’t want to marry, only to please their parents.

You remember that one time your friend mentioned to HER parents that she wanted to get married? And for her parents to help her look for a decent brother? And how they totally misunderstood her and now you heard that your friend moved back to Bangladesh and has 7 kids at the age of 21? Yeah that’s totally not going to happen to you.

Now what I am suggesting is a middle path. Bring the topic up to your parents, or if you’re too shy, speak to your brother or someone else who can raise the issue with your parents. And then ask your parents to look around for you, remember they can only suggest but the final decision still lies with you. And most of us really don’t make use of this option, which is very sad.

Our parents are the only human beings alive on the face of this earth who would do anything and everything for us, so why not consult them?

#3 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Believe it or not brothers, marriage is more than just mating and lying in bed. Shocking I know!

I don’t mean to scare you away by raising this question, as Muslims we should always aim to get married since it is the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet.

But sometimes, some people rush into marriage. They think just because they are physically ready (have urges etc) that they should get married, forgetting that even the Prophet actually mentioned that those who have the MEANS to get married should do so. Now having the means is not just having a mature body, or even loads of cash. Rather it also about being mentally stable and able to cope with the hardships of marriage.

Don’t worry though, in marriage all you need is love to make things work (like they always say right?) so no need to over think things, love conquers all! Except that’s a total lie, marriage needs so much more, and even though love is a key element in marriage it is not always what keeps a marriage going.

Remember marriage is not all sunshine and fun, sometimes you will argue sometimes you wont love each other as much, what will happen then? Will you ask for a divorce just because the marriage isn’t fun anymore?

What if there are children involved, then what? The point is, prepare yourself for marriage mentally. Read up on the rights of the Husband and the rights of the Wife, don’t just marry because you’re 20 and feel you have to. This husband will be either your Jannah or Hell, do you really know what that means?

Similarly this wife and future children will be your responsibility as a husband, Allaah will ask you about them and everything they do, so be prepared.

#2 WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF?

Because that is how I roll

‘Ofcourse I would, I am pure awesomeness, I am the very defin…’ if that is your answer then I can tell you right now that you don’t really have the right mentality for marriage. We often get blinded by the search for the ultimate partner that we neglect to look at ourselves.

We cry and say why won’t anyone marry me? But do nothing to change ourselves. How do you treat people when you get upset? What do you do if you hold a grudge? Do not turn a blind eye to all these important issues, rather tackle them one by one. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.

If you truly and sincerely work on your own flaws, and really do become more caring and loving then you will notice how people will look at you differently. People will start to think of you as ‘wifey’ material because you are good with kids, because you care for others, because you forgive people and don’t hold grudges don’t gossip etc the list is long but if you take one step at a time you will be married before you know it.

Well you would know of it, ’cause I mean you couldn’t get married without knowing about it, right? So technically you would know about it, but yeah whatever.

#1 DU’AA

Dua is the weapon of the believer, why not use it?

Because like anything in life, Allaah is the true reason behind things. Even though some people often roll their eyes and think ‘Yeah right the old, make dua brother/sister’ but if you truly have faith in Allaah and know that He answers the prayers of those in need, you will never get tired of making du’aa to Him.

Take the story of Muusa alyhi salaam as an example, in Soorah Qasas we are told about how he left Fir’awn and was literally fleeing for his life, his one concern was saving his own skin. But what happened? He made du’aa to Allaah, and Allaah not only saved him but blessed him with a wonderful wife. So in short, if you make du’aa and don’t give up Allaah will help you, and that is a promise!

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In-laws or Outlaws

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbid all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion; He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.”

(Surah An-Nahl: Verse 90)

Almost every society especially the ones flourishing in subcontinent or the ones influenced by subcontinent culture is a huge victim of interference of both parents and in-laws in the affairs of  children especially after their marriage. Parents should understand that Allah has bestowed upon them set of responsibilities towards their children and like versa.  However it is evidently clear from Quran and Sunah that children are not the properties of their parents and vice versa and therefore no-one owns no one.  Every time either party goes beyond their already set responsibilities or expectations— injustice shall arise and chaos shall be inevitable/un-avoidable. Surely in that case, involved party shall be answerable before Allah!!!

Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise practice is deeply rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interferences.  Kindly find below refreshing take on certain aspects to help sort out this serious issue:

01.  Love & Jealousy – One should learn to accept that different kind of love exists and each has its own capacity and its importance, eg. Children’s love to their parents, husband’s love to his wife, brother’s love to his sister and so on. Once either son or daughter gets married, mothers commonly feel jealous that their children love their spouse more than them. Kindly understand that the love of your children towards you is always there and could not be compared with their bond and commitment towards their spouses.

02.  Confidence – Be confident in your children’s love and do not suspect them just because they need to divide their time towards spouses after the marriage.  Be sure to keep loving you them as before and let the children know of it.    Always let them know that you are there for them no matter what for any guidance

03.   Care – Common issue relating to care and looking after parents after marriage is that parents often wrongfully blame their son in-law or daughter in-law for not taking care of them enough or at least that’s how it is perceived —this is mainly applicable to situations where daughter in laws are concerned. It should be very clear that it is mainly the duty of children themselves to fully accept and fulfill their responsibilities towards their own respectful parents.  Majority of the times, parents either fail to realize or still in denial to accept that in many cases it is their own children’s negligence and only they are to be blamed—this applies mainly to cases where son responsibilities are concerned towards its own parents.

04.  Consultation – When one gets married, issues relating to spouses/marriage are bound to emerge—in which case one can always go to their parents or in-laws for guidance. Make sure that one should consult them and should not complain to them. If one comes across as complaining to their in-laws about their daughter or son—it shall be taken negatively and shall always create a negative impression.

05.  Advice for parents/in-laws- Remember always to advise your children rather than ordering them or imposing your suggestions on them.

06.  Involvement of parents/in-laws – Don’t get involved in the details of your children’s marriage life– let them explore and experience their lives on themselves.  Let them handle things on their own unless they come to you for your help and advice! Remind yourself all the time, that when you got married you wished the same.

07.  Gifts – Often give gifts, small and immaterial it may seem, to your parents and in-laws as it has a magic effect.  Love needs expression so such kind gestures show one’s love and care to them. Always remember to be fair and just between parents and in-laws.

08.  Forgiveness – Whatever your parents or in-laws say or do–always be willing and ready to let issues go by.  Allah loves those who forgive and forget and is considered one of the best attributes to have.

Keeping in mind the Qur’anic verse where Allah says;

”and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say *Uff* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect. And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young.”

(Qur’an 17:23-24)

 09.  Privacy of couples—Keep your family matters within the walls do not disclose them unless it is necessary.

10.  In-law’s respect and care for daughter-in-law – Let the daughter-in-laws know of your respect, care and love for them specially through your actions. Express her of your happiness and satisfaction upon her marriage to your son, and how wonderful of a wife she has been to him. If she happens to be a mother, tell her what a wonderful mother she is. No one ever gets tired of hearing sincere compliments. Do compliment her and say “JazakAllah” when “JazakAllah” is due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture is a duty to her towards that needs to be obeyed.

11.   Realizing that you are you and she is she- Your daughter-in-law will most likely do things differently than you. If it bothers you, just smile and bear it. Don’t try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, the little details aren’t important. Don’t let them cause tension between you.

12.   To Mother in-laws – You have seen each one of them grow from young ladies, to loving, caring women. Give them the same unconditional love that you give your sons.

13.   To Mother in-laws – They were raised by families with different backgrounds than yours. They each have their own ways of doing things. They have learned a lot from you, and, hopefully, your relationship will get better with time.”

Needless to say, some of the comments above may be relevant to fathers-in-law as much as it is to mothers-in-laws. In order to sustain the key elements of a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law/ son-in-law a concerted EFFORT is to be made in establishing and maintaining it. Nonetheless, as this article has concentrated on the mother-in-law; it is not intended to portray a one sided approach or to demonize them in anyway. To equally sustain and maintain this balance—it requires and needs the daughter-in-law/ son-in-law play their parts with similar awareness, respect, care and patience. As the cliché’ goes: “It takes two hands to clap”.

14.  Be a good wife and be a good husband that no one will ever criticize you.

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.)

(Qur’an 41:34-35)

– Allah knows best –

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife 


The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations.

Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes of the husband:

1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.

4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.

6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.

9. And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn’t find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.

10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.

11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife’s easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.

12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

13. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).

14. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

15. The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.

18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

22. Guardianship of your wife doesn’t mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.

25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.

26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.

27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.

29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman’s service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. Read more husband wife related articles here :

  1. Characteristics of Pious Husband

  2. Characteristics of Pious Wife

  3. How to Make your Wife Happy?

  4. How to Make your Husband Happy?

  5. How should a Husband Treat His Wife?

  6. 10 Common Mistakes that destroy a Relationship Of marriage

  7. Must Have in Every RelationShip?

  8. 10 tips to be successful husband

  9. Husband’s Responsibilities towards his Family

  10. 61 ways to keep the love of your husband

  11. The Language between Spouses

  12. 81 ways to win your wife’s love

  13. Wives – Are mates :: Woman In Islam

  14. Guidelines for Husbands

  15. Better Relation ship of Husband and WIFE

  16. Choosing Wife and Husband – Moral Story

  17. Responsibiltes of Husband

  18. what should i look for to have a good muslim husband?

  19. Love Her :: MUST READ FOR EVERY BROTHER !!

  20. How to Love your wife as a MUSLIM :: Vedio

  21. Marriage counseling – Satan is The ENEMY

  22. 11 tips to deal with martial disputes

  23. 10 ways to increase happiness in your marriage

  24. 50 things you need to know about martial relationship

  25. Beating WIFE? DO muslim Beat their wives?

  26. Why Islam allows multiple wives?

  27. Polygamy :: Misconception about Islam

  28. Questions to ASK a Husband?

  29. Is it permissible for a man to force his wife for intercourse

  30. Carry me in your arms :: Short story

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

How should a husband treat his wife?

Look how Islam values women and how an Islam scholars perspective of women was back in 18th century, way before the womens basic rights were accepted around in the other countries of the world.

” Oh my friend, You have to be gentle, understanding and friendly to your wife. you have to talk with her in a polite and soft way and sweetness of words.

Our beloved Prophet[pbuh] said: The best of people is the one who is beneficial and helpful to his wife and his house members”.

when you found her sad and worried, you need to say you love her and you need to cheer her up with compassion as she might feeling depressed or hopeless at that time at home. You should be her best friend, her support in her troubles.

You should help her with the education of the children. The children will not give her a break and rest as they whine, cry, and ask for things day and night. If you help her, her Lord Allah will help you too.

About the mistakes she did, you must not get angry or say rude words. Even when you have to give her silent treatment, you should cut it after one day. when you discover a bad habit of hers or a behavior you did not like about her, you should find the fault in you and say:

“if I was a better person and had better behavior, she would be nicer, too”.

When she gets angry, you have to be silent. When you do not respond her, she would regret and apologize to you.

When she is helping, supporting and serving you, you should pray for her and you should thank and praise Allah since your wife, who is a good match for you, is a bounty by God that could never be thanked enough for.

You have to treat your wife in a way that she needs to think “my husband loves me more than anyone.”

About the household and financial issues, you have to consult her and talk together. You should not bother your wife with your other big troubles and issues. You need to ignore her bad behaviors unless they are forbidden by Allah, that is, unless she is committing a sin.

You have to hide her secret faults and her private matters from everybody. You should make compliments , appropriate jokes, and create entartainment for your wife.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad[pbuh] would compliment, mingle and make jokes with his wife. He was the ultimate gentlemen and the most refined elegant person towards his wife. Once he had a race with his wife and his wife won, in the second time, he won.

Mild and pleasant conversations will bond you with your wife. You need to read each other about the basics and pillars of Islam, and other the necessary knowledge and sicences. You have to provide for her whatever you have for yourself in terms of clothing, food, and so on.

You should not reflect your troubles, problems, your sadness, enemies and your debts to her becuase even if she overcome these problems, these troubles will leave marks in her soul and affects her inner peace.

You should always say heartful of good praying to her face and her behind not ever bad prayers since she is always there for you and serving you day and night. She prepares your bread, your meal, mend and wash your clothess. She is the protector and manager of your dignity, honor, your properties, and your children . She is your best friend, your only support as you are to her, she is your love as you are her love.


got it bros……..?

so married bro go tell ur wife today that you love her …. 🙂

and unmarried bros….remember this small Article Advice….and do it when you have ur partner…!

🙂

JazakAllah khair for reading…..

King
slave of ALLAH SWT

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Do not Marry 7 types of Women

1.Al-Annaanah:

The woman who whines, moans and complains and ‘ties a band around her head’ all the time (i.e. complains of a headache or some illness but in reality she is not sick, rather she is faking).

2. Al-Mannaanah:

The woman who bestows favours, gifts, etc. upon her husband then (at that time or the future) says; “I did such and such for you or on your behalf or because of you.

3. Al-Hannaanah:

The women who yearns or craves for her former husband or children of the former husband.

4. Kay’atul-Qafaa:

The women who has a brand mark on the nape of her neck (i.e. has a bad reputation or doubts about her).

5. Al-Haddaaqah:

The women who cast her eyes at things (i.e. always looking at something to purchase, then desires it and requires her husband to buy it (No Matter What).

6. Al-Barraaqah:

The women who spends much of her day enhancing her face and beautifying it to such an extent that it will seem like it was manufactured.

7. Al-Shaddaaqah:

The woman who talks excessively…

{Taken from the Book: ‘A Concise Manual of Marriage’ by Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen}

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

How to make your Wife happy ?



Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

  • Begin with a good greeting.
  • Start with Assalamau ‘Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du’aa for her as well.
  • Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

  • Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
  • Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
  • Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
  • Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.

Friendliness and Recreation

  • Spend time talking together.
  • Spread to her goods news.
  • Remember your good memories together.

Games and Distractions

  • Joking around & having a sense of humor.
  • Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
  • Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
  • Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

Assistance in the Household

  • Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
  • The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

Consultation (Shurah)

  • Specifically in family matters.
  • Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
  • Studying her opinion carefully.
  • Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
  • Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

Visiting Others

  • Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
  • Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
  • Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

Conduct During Travel

  • Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
  • Ask her to pray for him.
  • Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
  • Give her enough money for what she might need.
  • Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
  • Return as soon as possible.
  • Bring her a gift!
  • Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
  • Take her with you if possible.

Financial Support

  • The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
  • He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
  • He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

  • Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
  • Always being clean and neat.
  • Put on perfume for her.

Intercourse

  • It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
  • Start with “Bismillah” and the authentic du’a.
  • Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
  • Begin with foreplay including words of love.
  • Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
  • Relax and joke around afterwards.
  • Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
  • Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
  • Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
  • Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

Guarding Privacy

  • Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

  • Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray “Qiyam-ul-Layl” (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku’ua).
  • Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.
  • Teach her “Dhikr” (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
  • Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
  • Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

  • Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
  • Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
  • Give them presents on special occasions.
  • Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
  • Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

(Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes:

  • The basics of Islam
  • Her duties and rights
  • Reading and writing
  • Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
  • Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
  • Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

Admirable Jealousy

  • Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
  • Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
  • Avoiding excess jealousy.

Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did    not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

Patience and Mildness

  • Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
  • Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
  • Forgive the mistakes she does to you.

Correcting her Mistakes

  • First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
  • Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
  • The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.

  • He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
  • It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur’an .
  • He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
  • He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

  • Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
  • Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah’s rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
  • Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
  • Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
  • Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn’t then he does not eat and does not comment.
  • Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
  • Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
  • When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
  • Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
summary of the book “How to make your wife happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

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