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She’s my sister :: Inspiring Story
Her cheeks were worn and sunken, and her skin hugged her bones. That didn’t stop her because you could never catch her not reciting Qur’an. She was always vigil in her personal prayer room that our father had set up for her. Bowing, prostrating, raising her hands in prayer, was the way she was from dawn to sunset and back again; boredom was for other people.
As for me, I craved nothing more than fashion magazines and novels. I treated myself to videos until the trips to the rental place became my trademark. It’s a saying that when something becomes habit, people tend to distinguish you by it. I was negligent in my responsibilities and my salah was characterized by laziness.
One night, after a long three hours of watching, I turned the video off. The adhan rose softly in the quiet night. I slipped peacefully into my blanket.
Her voice called me from her prayer room. “Yes? Would you like anything Noorah?” I asked.
With a sharp needle she popped my plans. “Don’t sleep before you pray Fajr!”
Agghh! “There’s still an hour before Fajr. That was only the first adhan,” I said.
With those loving pinches of hers, she called me closer. She was like that even before the fierce sickness shook her spirit and shut her in bed. “Hanan, can you come sit beside me.”
I could never refuse any of her requests; you could touch the purity and sincerity in her.“Yes, Noorah?”
“Please sit here.”
“Alright, I’m sitting. What’s on your mind?”
With the sweetest mono voice she began reciting:
Every soul shall taste death and you will merely be repaid your earnings on the Day of Resurrection.
She stopped thoughtfully. Then she asked, “Do you believe in death?”
“Of course I do,”I replied.
“Do you believe that you shall be responsible for whatever you do, regardless of how small or large?”
“I do, but Allah is Forgiving and Merciful, and I’ve got a long life waiting for me.”
“Stop it Hanan! Are you not afraid of death and its abruptness? Take a look at Hind. She was younger than you but she died in a car accident. Death is age-blind and your age could never be a measure of when you shall die.”
The darkness of the room filled my skin with fear. “I’m scared of the dark and now you made me scared of death. How am I supposed to go to sleep now? Noorah, I thought you promised you’d go with us on vacation during the summer break.”
Her voice broke and her heart quivered. “I might be going on a long trip this year Hanan, but somewhere else. All of our lives are in Allah’s hands and we all belong to Him.”
My eyes welled and the tears slipped down both cheeks. I pondered my sisters grizzly sickness. The doctors had informed my father in private that there was not much hope Noorah was going to outlive the disease. She wasn’t told, so I wondered who hinted to her. Or was it that she could sense the truth?
“What are you thinking about Hanan?”Her voice was sharp. “Do you think I am just saying this because I am sick? I hope not. In fact, I may live longer than people who are not sick. How long are you going to live Hanan? Perhaps twenty years? Maybe forty? Then what?”Through the dark she reached for my hand and squeezed gently. “There’s no difference between us; we’re all going to leave this world to live in Paradise or agonize in Hell. Listen to the words of Allah:
Anyone who is pushed away from the Fire and shown into Jannah will have triumphed.
I left my sister’s room dazed, her words ringing in my ears:“May Allah guide you Hanan – don’t forget your prayer.”
I heard pounding on my door at eight o’clock in the morning. I don’t usually wake up at this time. There was crying and confusion. O Allah, what happened?
Noorah’s condition became critical after Fajr; they took her to the hospital immediately.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.
There wasn’t going to be any trips this summer. It was written that I would spend the summer at home.
It felt like an eternity had gone by when it was one o’clock in the afternoon. Mother phoned the hospital.
“Yes. You can come and see her now.” Dad’s voice had changed, and mother could sense something had gone deathly wrong. We left immediately.
Where was that avenue I used to travel and thought was so short? Why was it so very long now? Where was the cherished crowd and traffic that would give me a chance to gaze left and right? Everyone, just move out of our way!
Mother was shaking her head in her hands crying as she made du’a for her Noorah. We arrived at the hospital’s main entrance. One man was moaning, while another was involved in an accident. A third man’s eyes were iced. You couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive.
Noorah was in intensive care. We skipped stairs to her floor. The nurse approached us. “Let me take you to her.”
As we walked down the aisles the nurse went on expressing how sweet of a girl Noorah was. She somewhat reassured Mother that Noorah’s condition had gotten better than what it was in the morning. “Sorry. No more than one visitor at a time,” the nurse said.
This was the intensive care unit. Past the flurry white robes, through the small window in the door, I caught my sister’s eyes. Mother was standing beside her. After about two minutes, mother came out unable to control her crying. “You may enter and say salaam to her on the condition that you do not speak too long,” they told me. “Two minutes should be enough.”
“How are you Noorah? You were fine last night sister, what happened?”
We held hands; she squeezed harmlessly. “Even now, alhamdulillah, I’m doing fine.”
“Alhamdulillah…but…your hands are so cold.”
I sat on her bedside and rested my fingers on her knee. She jerked it away. “Sorry, did I hurt you?“
“No, it is just that I remembered Allah’s words.”
Waltafatul saaqu bil saaq (One leg will be wrapped to the other leg [in the death shroud]).
“Hanan pray for me. I may be meeting the first day of the Hereafter very soon. It’s a long journey and I haven’t prepared enough good deeds in my suitcase.”
A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek at her words. I cried and she joined me. The room blurred away and left us two sisters to cry together. Rivulets of tears splashed down on my sister’s palm, which I held with both hands. Dad was now becoming more worried about me. I’ve never cried like that before.
At home and upstairs in my room, I watched the sun pass away with a sorrowful day. Silence mingled in our corridors. One after another, my cousins came in my room. The visitors were many and all the voices from downstairs stirred together. Only one thing was clear at that point – Noorah had died!
I stopped distinguishing who came and who went. I couldn’t remember what they said. O Allah, where was I? What was going on? I couldn’t even cry anymore.
Later that week they told me what had happened. Dad had taken my hand to say goodbye to my sister for the last time. I had kissed Noorah’s head.
I remember only one thing while seeing her spread on that bed – the bed that she was going to die on. I remembered the verse she recited:
One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud).
And I knew too well the truth of the next verse:
The drive on that day will be to your Lord (Allah)!
I tiptoed into her prayer room that night. Staring at the quiet dressers and silenced mirrors, I treasured the person that had shared my mother’s stomach with me. Noorah was my twin sister.
I remembered who I had swapped sorrows with, who comforted my rainy days. I remembered who prayed for my guidance and who spent so many tears for many long nights telling me about death and accountability. May Allah save us all.
Tonight is Noorah’s first night that she shall spend in her tomb. O Allah, have mercy on her and illumine her grave. This was her Qur’an and her prayer mat. And this was the spring, rose-colored dress that she told me she would hide until she got married; the dress she wanted to keep just for her husband.
I remembered my sister and cried over all the days that I had lost. I prayed to Allah to have mercy on me, accept me and forgive me. I prayed to Allah to keep her firm in her grave as she always liked to mention in her supplications.
At that moment, I stopped. I asked myself what if it was I who had died. Where would I be moving on to? Fear pressed me and the tears began all over again.
“Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar…” The first adhan rose softly from the masjid. It sounded so beautiful this time. I felt calm and relaxed as I repeated the mu’adhin’s call. I wrapped the shawl around my shoulders and stood to pray Fajr. I prayed as if it was my last prayer, a farewell prayer, just like Noorah had done yesterday. It had been her last Fajr.
Now, and in sha Allah for the rest of my life, if I awake in the morning I do not count on being alive by evening, and in the evening I do not count on being alive by morning. We are all going on Noorah’s journey. What have we prepared for it?
Muhammad Alshareef* Mohammad Alshareef translated the following story from the book “Azzaman Alqaadim” and gave it as his final speech at the MYNA East Zone conference. It is a very moving story which had the entire audience in tears.
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50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships
- Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
- If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
- One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
- It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
- When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
- The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
- It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
- It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
- If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
- Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
- It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
- The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
- Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
- Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
- Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
- One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
- Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
- Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
- The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
- Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
- Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
- Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
- Don’t neglect your friends.
- If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
- Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
- Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
- If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
- Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
- You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
- Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
- Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
- Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
- Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
- A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
- Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
- There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
- One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
- Marriage can stay fresh over time.
- Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
- Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
- Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
- Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
- Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
- Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
- If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
- Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
- The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
- There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
- It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
- If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.
Excerpted from Al Maghrib Institute’s “Fiqh of Love” seminar with Shaykh Waleed Basyouni.
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“Must Have’s” in Every Relationship
Posted on: July 10, 2010
- In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam
- 23 Comments
“Must Have’s” in Every Relationship
Assalam Alaykum,
I receive many emails,husband having problem with wife,wife having problem with husband…
so,here are few things listed,you must verify that these things are available between you and your partner or not,if something is missing or very low,then work on it…InshahAllah you will get benefit…and don;t forget to make dua to Allah SWT for clearing all issues…
May Allah make this post useful for the readers!
Ameen
Faith
The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple. Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim’s life. The religious frame of reference shared by the couple creates an ease of communication and a sharing of values that is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in developing a loving relationship. For example: As the Prophet Muhammad said that when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah (SWT) we actually increase our faith.
Forbearance
Sabr is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakul and reliance. We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life’s difficult moments. As Allah states in surat Al-Asr “Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to patience [sabr].”
Friendship With Your Spouse
This aspect of marriage has three components. The first is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures. We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages. Unfortunately one highly inappropriate aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage is the buddy scenario. Shariah has placed the husband in a leadership role within his family and this requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals. This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator, but a shepherd who is responsible to and for his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Furthermore, the children need to see their parents as friends, but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.
Friendship With In-Laws
The second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept that our spouses will not fall in love with our parents overnight just because we want them to. As long as they maintain relationships that are cordial and based on mutual respect, we should not force the issue.
Couple Friends
The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is ok to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make an effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) advised us to choose God-fearing people as friends, since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.
Fun
Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching appropriate funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.
Financial Plan
One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts are about money. It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife’s money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family.
Respect For Family
Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage. Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in lifestyle. This can cause depression in some cases, and resentment and misunderstanding in others. One golden rule that must always be the guide is “family comes first.” Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority, it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss the situation with open hearts and open minds.
Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them; this can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared. A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is essential.
Freedom
Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as one’s property is alien to the Islamic concept of husband and wife. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western sense is to be free to do as one pleases, or even to be selfish. But what is meant by allowing freedom to one’s spouse is to be considerate of her needs and to recognize her limitations.
Plan For The Future
Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans. They make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.
Fulfillment
To be all one can be to one’s spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one’s all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations; it gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded ten-fold
Be Forgiving
When the Prophet Mohammad (sws) asked his companions, “Do you wish that Allah should forgive you?” they said, “Of course O Prophet of Allah.” He responded, “Then forgive each other.” One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive one another, and that they do not hold grudges or be judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone , situations will arise where we say or do things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive. If we hope for Allah to forgive us then we must learn to forgive.
Be Willing to Forget
When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they have let us down or hurt us, we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.
Be Flexible
Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little. We should not expect our spouses to be extensions of ourselves; they are their own person, with their own personalities and likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be themselves as long as it does not compromise their deen. Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.
Be Faithful
It is commanded by Allah (swt) that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims; the most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex beyond the boundaries set by Islam. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic adab and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one, when compromised, that eats away at the heart of a marriage.
Be Fair
Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is OK to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah (swt) states in the Quran, do not be unjust under any circumstances, even to your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as “never” and “always” when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on defensive.
Be Flirtatious
A sure way to keep romance in a marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles. It is essential that your spouse always feel special and desired.
Be Frank
Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. In a marital relationship, the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other’s feeling, but without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other’s inner self.
Be a Facilitator
When choosing our life partner, we must as the Prophet (sws) advised look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that, their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah (swt). This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner’s spiritual development. In essence the couple facilitates their family’s commitment to Allah (swt) and his deen.
Be Flattering
Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse’s heart. Every one likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being miserly about compliments is actually depriving one self of being appreciated in return.
Fallible
It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose sight of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah (swt) is perfect.
Be Aware of Feelings
Prophet Mohammad (sws) stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others, i.e. hurt their feelings, unless the person we have hurt forgives first. Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse’s feelings; they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they do they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?
Be Fond
So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by ignoring to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.
JazakAllah khair for reading,pls share with source back link only!
King
slave of Allah
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The Language Between Spouses
Posted on: June 28, 2010
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The Language Between Spouses
The delicate, refined Qur’anic expressions describing the intimate relationship between man and woman have surpassed anything that could be found in volumes of specialized books dealing openly with the subject of man-woman relationships. The sexual relationship between a man and a woman has been described several times in the Qur’an:
Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, O Muhammad. (Al-Baqarah 2:223)
It is made lawful for you to go unto your wives on the night of the fast. They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them. Allah is aware that ye were deceiving yourselves in this respect and He hath turned in mercy toward you and relieved you. So hold intercourse with them and seek that which Allah hath ordained for you, and eat and drink until the white thread become distinct to you from the black thread of the dawn. Then strictly observe the fast till nightfall and touch them not, but be at your devotions in the mosques. These are the limits imposed by Allah, so approach them not. Thus Allah expoundeth His revelations to mankind that they may ward off (evil). (Al-Baqarah 2:187)
How can you take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you? (An-Nisaa’ 4:21)
These verses describe the intimate relationship, the marital relationship, which is the total submission to one another.
The Whisper, the Look, and the Touch
The wife cultivates her husband and the husband cultivates his wife; the Qur’an uses agricultural terms to describe a sensitive relationship. To cultivate land means to turn the soil in order to air it, to rejuvenate it, to purify it; it means to prepare the land to receive and to produce. What does the husband have to do to cultivate his wife, especially when the term comes in a sexual context? The picture is complete: The man is free and totally delegated to approach his wife to make love to her in any fashion he wants, except that he should not penetrate from the anus as mentioned in the previous verse. The preparation of the soil is the preliminary groundwork before planting the seeds.
To the husband, his wife is all his; he should revitalize and invigorate her. He should make her feel his love in order for her to get rid of all pressure and existing sadness. The pleasure derived is not of the meeting of the two bodies to culminate in the erection and penetration of one organ into the other; it is the interaction between the land and the cultivator. The husband should not leave his wife’s body untouched, or un-caressed; otherwise, his work is not complete: a soft word in the ear, a tender look in the eyes. It is body talk, a mutual dialogue between the two; the wife is asked to reciprocate, if not the same then better. This is just a light interpretation of the
Qur’anic term, the greater part of the explication will be left to the couple’s imagination and innovation to reach the farthest dimension of the term.
The Warmth of a Hug
The second image describes the act as a cover to the couple. The general meaning of a cover is the protection, the warmth, the containment, and the beautification: It is everything can you imagine yourself without clothing. During these intimate moments the husband and the wife become each other’s clothing. He takes her in his arms, and the closeness warms her; she feels secure. He grooms himself for her and she beautifies herself for him. She warms him with her body and subdues him with her gaze. To the extent they become part of each other, the couple during these moments become one.
Love and Emotions
The third image, the coming together, may seem to have a wider general meaning. It is true, but it also means the coming together of the bodies, which is one of its meanings. And both are part of a wider coming together, that of the meeting of the souls, the interlacing of emotions. The sexual relation is not complete; there is no sense of pleasure without the entwining of the souls. Without love, without emotions, the act will be one of repulsion instead of closeness.
The Tender Touch
Now comes the moment of intercourse, but He Almighty chose to describe it by using the word meeting of the flesh. In the Arabic language, it is a derivation of the word skin, the
tender skin. Then why the choice of the wording to describe the act so romantically? It is a holy signal to remind the husbands and the wives that the relationship is not the meeting of two organs but it is the touching. Skin to skin, every part of the body meets its counterpart naturally, and the intercourse becomes a natural consequence of a general and comprehensive meeting between two bodies, between two spouses.
Give of Yourself
Then comes the finale, the miraculous verse and all the verses of the Qur’an are the work of miracle. To clarify everything we have been saying so far, it is the divine order to play, to cuddle, to do everything within your power to come close to each other. One has to strive to exhibit oneself in the best possible way; the purpose is to leave a fine impression on the soul. It is the basic element in all human relations. It is a beautiful Qur’anic epic depicting a befitting act in a most glorifying way, the ultimate act of love between two human beings who care for each other, and, for just a few moments, melt into each other.
JazakAllah khair for reading,
Share with source back link pls…
🙂
King
slave of Allah SWT.
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Haya [Shyness]
Posted on: June 3, 2010
- In: All | Allah الله | HIJAB | Islam | Women In Islam
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HAYA (Shyness)
As we all know, in our times, the spread and impact of fitnah is immense! Just look around you and you’ll see it anywhere and everywhere- media, advertisements, bill-boards, magazines, movies, on the street and so on. The world tells us messages that a person’s beauty determines how successful they are, not their personality nor good character. All these messages are corrupt! These people are echoing the same messages conveyed during the times of Jahiliyya (ignorance). And not only that, but they, without a doubt, have an impact on our lives.
With our identities as Muslims marked by the beard and the hijab, we are prone to assaults to our religious values. All because we are perceived to be “backwards” & have no sense of “style” or anything of that sort. But Brother! Sister! Do NOT give in to these corrupt messages! They only wish to destroy us and what we hold near.
So… what exactly is Hayaa?
It is normally translated as modesty or inhibition but neither word conveys the same idea as haya. Modesty suggests shunning indecent behavior but it also implies bashfulness based on timidity. That is why the adjective based on its opposite, immodest, is sometimes also used as a compliment suggesting courage. Inhibition is defined as: “Conscious or unconscious mechanism whereby unacceptable impulses are suppressed.” This is a very neutral definition with no reference to right or wrong. So one finds psychiatrist “helping” their patients overcome inhibitions.
Along with its unique connotation comes the unique value of Hayaa in Islam. Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said:
“Every religion has a distinct call. For Islam it is Hayaa.” [Ibn Majah].
Hayaa plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Eeman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of hayaa in us then it is most likely that our Eeman is very weak. For as it states in the following hadeeth:
“There are more than 70 branches of Iman (Faith). The foremost is the declaration that there is no God except Allah and the least of it is removing harmful things from the path. And Hayaa is a branch of Iman.” [Bukhari, Muslim].
As some Muhaditheen point out, the number 70 is a figure of speech. What the hadith tells us is that the declaration of faith is the most important part of Iman but that is not all. Iman also has to reflect itself in all kinds of actions in real life. Moreover, Hayaa is a centerpiece of most of the actions that Iman calls for. It is the basic building block of Islamic morality. When it is lost, everything is lost.
Based on such teachings, Islam brought about a moral revolution of unprecedented dimensions with haya as its cornerstone. The pre-Islamic Jahiliyya society of Arabia knew the word but did not understand its meaning. Nudity, the antithesis of Hayaa, was not only common in every day life, it was even part of the most important religious ritual of tawaf (circumbulation of Ka’bah). So were all the other evils that flow from it. Islam exterminated all of those evils and changed the society in such a way that haya became one of its most cherished values. To this day in Friday Khutbahs around the world, the third Khalifah Hazrat Usman Radi Allahu Anhu is mentioned as the person with perfect Hayaa and perfect Iman (Kamil lil-haya wal Iman). Is there any other religion that celebrates Hayaa like that?
Islam’s laws about hijab, its ban against free mixing of men and women, its teachings about gender-relations — all of these reflect a deep concern for Hayaa. For men and women who have not lost their Hayaa, these come naturally. There is a moving story from the earlier Islamic period about a woman who learnt that her young son had been lost in a battle. She ran in a panic to confirm the news, but before that, she took time to make sure that she covered herself fully in accordance with the newly revealed laws of hijab. She was asked how did she manage to do that in a time of great personal tragedy. She replied: “I have lost my son, but I did not lose my Hayaa.”
Two kinds of Hayaa: Good and Bad
The good Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to commit a crime or a thing which Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) has forbidden, and bad Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to do a thing, which Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) ordered to do.
What is good Hayaa?
Anyone who is a believer should build their personalities and their character with the good dimensions of hayaa. The most important is that he/she must be shy of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allaah, with the belief that he/she will have to answer to all their deeds.
If one develops a sense such as this one, it will help the believer to obey all of Allaah’s command and to stay away from the sins. Once the believer realizes that Allaah is watching us all the time and we will have to answer for every move we make in this dunya, he/she would not neglect any order from Allaah or His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). So the stronger this sense of hayaa becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allaah doesn’t see him/her doing anything forbidden. The way to develop this hayaa is that one must keep learning and absorbing more and more knowledge of our deen.
Another type of hayaa is more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allaah. Normally these things often come in regard with ones relationship with family. For instance a child not wanting to do something displeasing to his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about saying something incorrect in front of his teacher (daa’ee). Last but not least is the type of hayaa in which the believers become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peek of their Eeman. What this means is that if they do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens the believers commitment to Allaah.
What is bad Hayaa?
This negative aspect revolves around a person’s shamefulness or shyness of doing something that Allaah has ordered us to do through the Qur’aan or our Prophet’s (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) sunnah. This constitutes the shamefulness or embarrassment of doing a lawful act or something that is ordered upon us from Allaah. Meaning for someone not to follow an obligation of Islaam, due the fact of being shy infront of others about it. This is totally forbidden because then one is giving the people of this dunya more respect than the One who Created this whole universe. It also means if someone is shy or afraid to seek knowledge of Islaam for worldly reasons, because they do not want others to see them or to know of their ignorance. This once again goes contrary to what Allaah has told us in the Qur’aan, which is to seek knowledge and preach it to others.
In this society there are many examples. People will go out an get degrees in law schools, or science, or engineering and they will put four to six years of their lives studying for this stuff that will only benefit them in this world. Why? You ask? Well most likely, in this society people including Muslims, choose their careers according to how much money they will make and what status they will have in this society as to being a lawyer or a doctor etc. They do not realize that in Islaam the BEST stature of a Muslim is that of a “daa’ee” or a teacher of Islaam. These Islaamic teachers and scholars are even higher in the eyes of Allaah then one who only sits at home and preaches or does ibaadah. If they want to study law, why not Islaamic Shariah? If they want to study science, why not Islaamic Science? So this explains how people consider the worldly careers to be of higher value and are embarrassed to even express an interest in Islaamic Studies. Only because they will not be considered as high as the other “educated” people. This is having the bad hayaa or “shame” of something that is encouraged to us by Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam).
Another proof of bad hayaa is that which is extremely popular amongst our sisters in this western society. That is what the rest of this essay will be focused on. One of the most important aspects of hayaa, for women, is that of guarding their chastity and their modesty. To do this they must follow the order from Allaah telling them to keep hidden themselves and their adornments from all men unlawful to them in marriage. Now this order involves all the aspects of hayaa for those who do follow it. The believing and following women are ashamed of disobeying Allaah. They are shy of the opposite gender in this society because of what they might experience if strange men look at them and lastly they have hayaa because they are ashamed of going out in public and committing this grave sin of displaying their beauty is public. There are many women in this society who claim that they have hayaa but to follow the order of hijab is backwards and that women in this society shouldn’t have to cover, is obviously disbelief. For if someone really had hayaa they would never contradict ANYTHING that Allaah has ordained upon us even if they did not exactly like the idea. A woman’s hayaa comes from her modesty and her shyness and her fear of Allaah, so how can she have hayaa if she walks around in public unveiled? Proof lies in the following hadeeth:
Abdullah Ibn Umar (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Indeed hayaa (modesty) and Iman are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well.” [Bayhaaqee]
There are many verses in the Qur’aan and many ahadeeth explaining the reasons behind observing Hijab. The Islaamic Shariah has not stopped at giving the Commandments of Hijab, it has also clarified every such thing which directly relates to these commandments and, with the slightest carelessness, may result in vulgarity and immodesty. In other words such things have also been forbidden in order to close the doors to indecency and lewdness, in return providing a stronger pillar for hayaa. Modesty (hayaa) and maintaining one’s honor are of primary importance in preserving the moral fiber of any society. This is why modesty has been called the ornament of a woman, which protects her from many sins and which prevents ill-intentioned men from daring to have bad thoughts about her. This hayaa has been made a part of her nature to safeguard her from being abused by immoral men.
Narrated on the authority of Anas Ibn Malik (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu), that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:
“When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes defective; and when hayaa is a part of anything it becomes beautiful.” [Tirmidhee]
So it is only obvious that Hijab plays and extremely important role in regards to Hayaa. For Hijab prevents lewdness and Hayaa backs this up and then person’s eeman becomes even stronger. So both things work together in a partnership. At the time of our beloved Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) as soon as the verses of Hijab were revealed, all the Quraish and Ansar ran home to their wives and daughters and close female relatives to tell them to cover themselves. The ones who had veils used them and the ones who did not have veils made some right away. For instance the following hadeeth tells us:
Narrated by Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa):
“May Allaah have mercy on the early immigrant women. When the verse “That they should draw their veils over their bosoms” was revealed, they tore their thick outer garments and made veils from them. And when the verse “That they should cast their outer garments over themselves” was revealed, the women of Ansar came out as if they had crows over their heads by wearing outer garments.” [Abu Daawood]
This indicates that all these women wanted to guard their modesty which is why they followed out the orders of Allaah. Yet, another verse talk about the level of modesty in Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa).
Narrated Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa):
“I used to enter my house where Allaah’s Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) was and take off my garment, saying that only my husband and my father were there; but when Umar was buried along with them, I swear by Allaah that I did not enter it without having my clothes wrapped round me owing to modesty regarding Umar.” [at-Tirmidhee and Ahmad]
If women in today’s society choose not to wear the veils, but some belief in their hearts, than they might be categorized as Muslim women but not Mumineen. The truth is that Hayaa is a special characteristic of a Mu’min. People who are ignorant of the teachings of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) do not concern themselves with Hayaa and Honour. Hayaa and Iman are interdependent; therefore either they both exist together or they both perish.
Thus, the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) has said in one hadeeth,
“When there is no hayaa left, then do as you please.”
Merits of Hayaa
There are many merits of Hayaa if one wants to know. Here are some just to list a few.
1. Allaah loves Hayaa. We know this by the following hadeeth:
“Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults.” [Bukhaaree]
2. Hayaa itself is a Greatness of Islaam as our Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) indicated:
“Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa.” Or “Every deen has an innate character. The character of Islaam is modesty (hayaa).” [Abu Daawood]
3. Hayaa only brings good and nothing else. Our Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Hayaa does not bring anything except good.” [Bukhaaree]
4. Hayaa is a very clear indication of our eeman. As the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) had mentioned to the Ansar who was condemning is brother about being shy:
“Leave him, for Hayaa is (a part) of Faith.” [Bukhaaree]
5. Last but not least, Hayaa leads us to PARADISE. As the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) told us:
“Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire.” [Bukhaaree]
The actual word Hayaa is derived from Hayaat. This means life. It is only obvious that when someone has Hayaa in them, they will LIVE a life of Islaam. On the other hand if they do not have Hayaa they are living a life that is Dead “Islaamically” but alive according to this dunya.
The Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them.” [Bayhaaqee]
To conclude, we must understand that Hayaa is important for both men and women. Men are to control themselves by getting married as young as possible or if they cannot afford that they should fast.
Women are told to conceal themselves so that the men will not be over taken by the whispers of shaitaan and will not disrespect or take advantage of the women. There are many verses in the Qur’aan that have clearly explained how we have to behave and Allaah is All-Knowing therefore He knew that we would face these problems living in this society, and that is no excuse to change Islaam and only practice what we feel is right. Allaah has told men how to guide their modesty and has told women how to guide their modesty. If either one of them refuse to follow the commandment of their Lord, may Allaah have mercy on them and may He guide them to the straight path.
“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do.
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty…” [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]
All praise is for Allah, and may His peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad [Salallahu Alayhi Wassalam), his family, his campanions and his true followers until the Day of Judgment. Ameen
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Miss USA 2010:Into the hole of the lizard we enter!
A few days ago while reading a Malay tabloid, a lead news item on its World News page entitled ‘Wanita Islam pertama menang Ratu Cantik USA’ (First Muslim woman won Miss USA) caught my attention and made my heart beat faster. Accompanying the news were three pictures of the woman, including one she was clad in bikini. She was Rima Fakih, an Arab (Lebanon)-American representing Michigan.
The word ‘Muslim’ made me sad. It was used in the wrong place. Why must ‘they’ highlight and associate ‘Muslim’ with a beauty contest? What were ‘they’ up to for splashing the news around the globe? Were ‘they’ trying to prove something by announcing that ‘finally a Muslim had made it’, she was declared the fairest and prettiest girl in the United States?
Does it mean that the Western world has no more grudge against Muslims, because Muslims too could be chosen to the highest spot or achievement including Miss USA? If Rima proceed to become Miss World or Miss Universe, would ‘they’ proudly declare that she was ‘the first Muslim woman to win the prestigious title’? So Muslims women were at par with ‘us’; they were a part of ‘us’, quiet similar to the slogan of former President George W Bush, “you are with us or we will fight you.”
To some in the Western world, Rima had made Muslims all over the world proud by winning the title, but to Muslims holding to the words of Allah SWT and His prophet, Muhammad peace by upon him (pbuh), she had disgraced and put a great insult to them.
Muslims women should cover up their bodies, not displayed them as what Rima had done. Showing off one’s ‘awrah’ (parts that elicit desire), what’s more in skimpy outfit that covered only one’s private parts was totally against Islam. So Rima had insulted Islam, so it’s a disgrace to have the word ‘first Muslim’ attached to her.
Beauty pageants were created by Westerners; the first modern American pageant was staged by PT Barnum in 1854, but his beauty contest was closed down by public protest. Now, more than a hundred years later, girls from all over the world including Islamic nations, took part in events such as Miss World and Miss Universe where they took stage showing off their assets, parading in bikinis in front of thousands, perhaps millions of eyes, watching television telecast.
It seemed that minds of some Muslims had been corrupted into believing and following the footsteps of non believers. They were actually exploiting weakness of the fairer sex in the name of business. Women were mere objects to satisfy their goals. Many women do not realise this fact, their body and beauty were subjected to hungry wolves who were actually taking advantage of their weakness.
Regarding the tendency of Muslims to follow the footsteps of non-believers, a hadith from Bukhari and Muslim, narrated Abu Sa’id, r.a. noted the Prophet peace be upon him (pbuh) said,
“Surely, you will follow the ways of those nations who were before you, in everything as one arrow resembles another, (i.e. just like them), so much so that even if they entered a hole of a sand-lizard, you would enter it.”
They said, “O Allaah’s Messenger! Do you mean to say that we will follow the Jews and the Christians?”
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Whom else?” (By meaning the Jew and Christians)
Its an irony when some ‘Muslimah’ (Muslim women) were fighting hard to uphold their religious rights in wearing hijab and niqab in some European countries and in North America, some choose to follow the free lifestyles of Westerners. Some Westerners who were enemies of Islam and who do not have correct information about Islam, received with open arms people like Rima Fakih, the new Miss USA.
Not long ago, Westerners regimes and the puppet government they installed in Kabul had Vida Samadzai taking the world stage as Miss Afghanistan 2003. She was the first Afghan woman to participate in an international beauty pageant since 1974. Vida was condemned by the fundamentalists in her homeland for parading in a bikini at the Miss Earth contest. So, it was the West that liberated Afghan women, not into light but going back to the ‘jahiliah’ (dark) period of the Arabs before the prophethood of Muhammad (pbuh) where women were treated as sex objects. Then, the Arabs even had their baby girls buried alive.
Commenting on eagerness of the world’s media to portray Rima Fakih as the first Muslim to be chosen Miss USA, a Muslim scholar, Dr Azhar Yaakob when interviewed by the writer, said readers should not be confused between an Arab and a Muslim.
He said the attitude of some Arabs were really bad, Muslims and non Muslims should not looked at them for examples. “They gave bad impressions about Islam, the good values mentioned in the Qur’an were absent from them.”
Rima Fakih gave a very negative impression about Islam in an era when more and more educated women all over the world especially in Europe and North America embracing Islam to reclaim their rights and dignity.
Women enjoy more protection and respect within Islam compared to any other faith, wrote Dr Y Mansoor Marican in his note ‘Invitation to Understanding Islam’ .
He writes: “The rights of a Muslim woman include the right to have her survival and sexual needs met by her husband, a marriage contract, and divorce, refuse a marriage proposal and maintain her name when entering marriage.
“She also has the right to inheritance, own and run her own business, exclusive possession of her assets and disposes them in ways that she considers appropriate. In the spiritual realm, women are equal to men as the only distinction amongst the Believers is the level of their piety.
The status accorded to women in Islam is best exemplified in the reply of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when asked about Paradise:
“It is at the feet of the mother.” (Bukhari)
Of course beauty pageants organized by Westerns were totally against Islam. Wearing revealing outfits what more women parading in bikini are unacceptable as ‘Muslims, male or female must cover their ‘awrah’. Westerners treat women like filth; beauty pageants were their platform to downgrade the fairer sex to the lowest level of mankind.
Western politicians and media criticize Islam as anti-women. They fear the growing trend amongst young, educated women all over the world to embrace Islam to reclaim their rights and dignity. Just about everything that feminists in the West strived for in the ‘70s was already available to Muslim women 1400 years ago.
Regarding women, the Prophet (pbuh) said that,
the world and all things in it are valuable; and one of the most valuable in the world is a virtuous woman.
One day a woman asked the Prophet what were her duties towards her husband.
To her, he replied: “A wife should not leave her home without her husband’s permission. Women are the twin halves of men.”
God enjoins you to treat women well, for they are your mothers, daughters and aunts.
The rights of women are sacred. See that women are maintained in the rights assigned to them.
When a woman performs the five daily prayers, and fasts in the month of Ramadan, and is chaste, and is not disobedient to her husband, then tell her that she can enter Paradise by whichever door she chooses.
So, to all women, aim to be a Queen of Paradise not a Miss Universe or Miss World who would be thrown into the fire of Hell! –
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