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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Muslims Have Least Sex Outside Marriage, Study Suggests

muslim man praying

Of all the world’s major religious groups, Muslims are the least likely to have sex outside of marriage, new research found. And as a country’s Muslim population grows, the rate of premarital sex declines for all residents, even non-Muslims, according to the study.
Researchers analyzed the responses of over 620,000 people (ages 15-59) who were interviewed as part of the Demographic and Health Surveys in 31 mostly developing nations from 2000 to 2008.

Most countries included in the sample had either a Muslim or Christian majority, except India and Nepal, which have Hindu majorities, and Cambodia which has a Buddhist majority. (The United States was not included in the study.)

They found that, overall, the odds of married Muslims reporting premarital sex are 53 percent lower than for Christians. Hindus are 40 percent less likely to report premarital sex, compared with Christians. Meanwhile, Jews and Buddhists have greater chances of having sex before getting hitched than Christians do, according to the study.

The researchers believe these results could be linked to Muslims’ greater adherence to strict religious tenets that only allow sex within marriage. As many Muslim leaders place heavy importance on fidelity in marriage, it might be no surprise that Muslims also are less likely than Hindus, Christians and Jews to report extramarital sex, as the study found.

What’s more, the religious values of a Muslim majority in a country seem to exert a big    influence on the wider population’s sexual norms. A 1 percent increase in the percentage of Muslims in a nation caused a 2 percent decrease in the likelihood of premarital sex for all citizens, regardless of their religious identity, the study found. (The researchers note that an increase in the Muslim population in a country did not further reduce the odds of
premarital sex among just Muslims.)

“All major world religions discourage sex outside of marriage, but they are not all equally
effective in shaping behavior,” wrote the researchers, led by Amy Adamczyk, an associate
professor of sociology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. Their study was published in the October issue of the American Sociological Review.

The team speculated that in Muslim-majority countries, strict laws on women’s mobility and interaction between the sexes might cut down the opportunities for sex outside marriage. But the researchers found no significant relationship between a country’s restrictions on women and the odds of premarital and extramarital sex, suggesting religion plays a greater role than those laws in policing sexual behavior.

The same was true for age. Muslims and Hindus are more likely to have an arranged marriage and to marry younger than Christians and Jews. Though the likelihood of premarital sex increased with age, the study found that age was not a significant factor in driving down rates of premarital sex for these religious groups.

“One of the most surprising findings was that religious affiliations have a real influence on
people’s sexual behaviors,” Adamczyk said in a statement. “While a lot of research attention has been given to understanding differences between the major world religions in adherents’ attitudes, much less attention has been given to understanding differences based on behaviors.”

The researchers considered that social pressure could have caused some respondents being interviewed in the Demographic and Health Surveys (funded by USAID) to lie. But the survey  mandates that interviewers be the same gender as the respondent and try to conduct the questionnaire in private. The latter is not always possible and interviewers are instructed to note the presence of others. They are also told to flag inconsistent responses  (For example, if a respondent says she was a virgin at the time of marriage, but her reported age at first intercourse is younger than her age at marriage, that would get flagged.)

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

81 ways to win your Wife’s love


Marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquillity, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms

Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]

This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (SWT) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a. Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behaviour taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works. The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.

Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:

The wife’s rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband’s) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise. [Quran 2:28]

“Consort with them graciously. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (4:20)

In today’s life of hustle and bustle, the family unit is becoming fragile by the day. Divorces are on the rise, and Muslims can no longer claim, as justifiably as before, that divorce is rare among Muslims or even much less than incidents of divorce among non-Muslims.

Let’s take on the men first, here’s how you can keep up your wife’s love:

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).


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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships


  1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
  2. If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
  3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
  4. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
  5. When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
  6. The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
  7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
  8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
  9. If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
  10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
  11. It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
  12. The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
  13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
  14. Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
  15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
  16. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
  17. Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
  18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
  19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
  20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
  21. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
  22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
  23. Don’t neglect your friends.
  24. If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
  25. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
  26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
  27. If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
  28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
  29. You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
  30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
  31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
  32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
  33. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
  34. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
  35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
  36. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
  37. One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
  38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.
  39. Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
  40. Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
  41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
  42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
  43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
  44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
  45. If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
  46. Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
  47. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
  48. There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
  49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
  50. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.
Excerpted from Al Maghrib Institute’s “Fiqh of Love” seminar with Shaykh Waleed Basyouni.

 

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

“Must Have’s” in Every Relationship

Assalam Alaykum,

I receive many emails,husband having problem with wife,wife having problem with husband…

so,here are few things listed,you must verify that these things are available between you and your partner or not,if something is missing or very low,then work on it…InshahAllah you will get benefit…and don;t forget to make dua to Allah SWT for clearing all issues…

May Allah make this post useful for the readers!

Ameen


Faith

The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple. Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim’s life. The religious frame of reference shared by the couple creates an ease of communication and a sharing of values that is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in developing a loving relationship. For example: As the Prophet Muhammad said that when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah (SWT) we actually increase our faith.

Forbearance

Sabr is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakul and reliance. We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life’s difficult moments. As Allah states in surat Al-Asr “Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to patience [sabr].”

Friendship With Your Spouse

This aspect of marriage has three components. The first is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures. We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages. Unfortunately one highly inappropriate aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage is the buddy scenario. Shariah has placed the husband in a leadership role within his family and this requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals. This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator, but a shepherd who is responsible to and for his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Furthermore, the children need to see their parents as friends, but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

Friendship With In-Laws

The second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept that our spouses will not fall in love with our parents overnight just because we want them to. As long as they maintain relationships that are cordial and based on mutual respect, we should not force the issue.

Couple Friends

The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is ok to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make an effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) advised us to choose God-fearing people as friends, since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.

Fun

Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching appropriate funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.

Financial Plan

One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts are about money. It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife’s money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family.

Respect For Family

Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage. Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in lifestyle. This can cause depression in some cases, and resentment and misunderstanding in others. One golden rule that must always be the guide is “family comes first.” Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority, it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss the situation with open hearts and open minds.

Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them; this can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared. A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is essential.

Freedom

Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as one’s property is alien to the Islamic concept of husband and wife. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western sense is to be free to do as one pleases, or even to be selfish. But what is meant by allowing freedom to one’s spouse is to be considerate of her needs and to recognize her limitations.

Plan For The Future

Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans. They make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

Fulfillment

To be all one can be to one’s spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one’s all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations; it gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded ten-fold

Be Forgiving

When the Prophet Mohammad (sws) asked his companions, “Do you wish that Allah should forgive you?” they said, “Of course O Prophet of Allah.” He responded, “Then forgive each other.” One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive one another, and that they do not hold grudges or be judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone , situations will arise where we say or do things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive. If we hope for Allah to forgive us then we must learn to forgive.

Be Willing to Forget

When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they have let us down or hurt us, we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.

Be Flexible

Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little. We should not expect our spouses to be extensions of ourselves; they are their own person, with their own personalities and likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be themselves as long as it does not compromise their deen. Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.

Be Faithful

It is commanded by Allah (swt) that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims; the most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex beyond the boundaries set by Islam. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic adab and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one, when compromised, that eats away at the heart of a marriage.

Be Fair

Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is OK to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah (swt) states in the Quran, do not be unjust under any circumstances, even to your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as “never” and “always” when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on defensive.

Be Flirtatious

A sure way to keep romance in a marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles. It is essential that your spouse always feel special and desired.

Be Frank

Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. In a marital relationship, the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other’s feeling, but without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other’s inner self.

Be a Facilitator

When choosing our life partner, we must as the Prophet (sws) advised look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that, their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah (swt). This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner’s spiritual development. In essence the couple facilitates their family’s commitment to Allah (swt) and his deen.

Be Flattering

Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse’s heart. Every one likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being miserly about compliments is actually depriving one self of being appreciated in return.

Fallible

It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose sight of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah (swt) is perfect.

Be Aware of Feelings

Prophet Mohammad (sws) stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others, i.e. hurt their feelings, unless the person we have hurt forgives first. Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse’s feelings; they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they do they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

Be Fond

So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by ignoring to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.


JazakAllah khair for reading,pls share with source back link only!

King
slave of Allah

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The Language Between Spouses



The delicate, refined Qur’anic expressions describing the intimate relationship between man and woman have surpassed anything that could be found in volumes of specialized books dealing openly with the subject of man-woman relationships. The sexual relationship between a man and a woman has been described several times in the Qur’an:

Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, O Muhammad. (Al-Baqarah 2:223)

It is made lawful for you to go unto your wives on the night of the fast. They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them. Allah is aware that ye were deceiving yourselves in this respect and He hath turned in mercy toward you and relieved you. So hold intercourse with them and seek that which Allah hath ordained for you, and eat and drink until the white thread become distinct to you from the black thread of the dawn. Then strictly observe the fast till nightfall and touch them not, but be at your devotions in the mosques. These are the limits imposed by Allah, so approach them not. Thus Allah expoundeth His revelations to mankind that they may ward off (evil). (Al-Baqarah 2:187)

How can you take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you? (An-Nisaa’ 4:21)

These verses describe the intimate relationship, the marital relationship, which is the total submission to one another.

The Whisper, the Look, and the Touch

The wife cultivates her husband and the husband cultivates his wife; the Qur’an uses agricultural terms to describe a sensitive relationship. To cultivate land means to turn the soil in order to air it, to rejuvenate it, to purify it; it means to prepare the land to receive and to produce. What does the husband have to do to cultivate his wife, especially when the term comes in a sexual context? The picture is complete: The man is free and totally delegated to approach his wife to make love to her in any fashion he wants, except that he should not penetrate from the anus as mentioned in the previous verse. The preparation of the soil is the preliminary groundwork before planting the seeds.

To the husband, his wife is all his; he should revitalize and invigorate her. He should make her feel his love in order for her to get rid of all pressure and existing sadness. The pleasure derived is not of the meeting of the two bodies to culminate in the erection and penetration of one organ into the other; it is the interaction between the land and the cultivator. The husband should not leave his wife’s body untouched, or un-caressed; otherwise, his work is not complete: a soft word in the ear, a tender look in the eyes. It is body talk, a mutual dialogue between the two; the wife is asked to reciprocate, if not the same then better. This is just a light interpretation of the

Qur’anic term, the greater part of the explication will be left to the couple’s imagination and innovation to reach the farthest dimension of the term.

The Warmth of a Hug

The second image describes the act as a cover to the couple. The general meaning of a cover is the protection, the warmth, the containment, and the beautification: It is everything can you imagine yourself without clothing. During these intimate moments the husband and the wife become each other’s clothing. He takes her in his arms, and the closeness warms her; she feels secure. He grooms himself for her and she beautifies herself for him. She warms him with her body and subdues him with her gaze. To the extent they become part of each other, the couple during these moments become one.

Love and Emotions

The third image, the coming together, may seem to have a wider general meaning. It is true, but it also means the coming together of the bodies, which is one of its meanings. And both are part of a wider coming together, that of the meeting of the souls, the interlacing of emotions. The sexual relation is not complete; there is no sense of pleasure without the entwining of the souls. Without love, without emotions, the act will be one of repulsion instead of closeness.

The Tender Touch

Now comes the moment of intercourse, but He Almighty chose to describe it by using the word meeting of the flesh. In the Arabic language, it is a derivation of the word skin, the

tender skin. Then why the choice of the wording to describe the act so romantically? It is a holy signal to remind the husbands and the wives that the relationship is not the meeting of two organs but it is the touching. Skin to skin, every part of the body meets its counterpart naturally, and the intercourse becomes a natural consequence of a general and comprehensive meeting between two bodies, between two spouses.


Give of Yourself

Then comes the finale, the miraculous verse and all the verses of the Qur’an are the work of miracle. To clarify everything we have been saying so far, it is the divine order to play, to cuddle, to do everything within your power to come close to each other. One has to strive to exhibit oneself in the best possible way; the purpose is to leave a fine impression on the soul. It is the basic element in all human relations. It is a beautiful Qur’anic epic depicting a befitting act in a most glorifying way, the ultimate act of love between two human beings who care for each other, and, for just a few moments, melt into each other.

JazakAllah khair for reading,
Share with source back link pls…
🙂
King
slave of Allah SWT.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

HAYA (Shyness)

As we all know, in our times, the spread and impact of fitnah is immense! Just look around you and you’ll see it anywhere and everywhere- media, advertisements, bill-boards, magazines, movies, on the street and so on. The world tells us messages that a person’s beauty determines how successful they are, not their personality nor good character. All these messages are corrupt! These people are echoing the same messages conveyed during the times of Jahiliyya (ignorance). And not only that, but they, without a doubt, have an impact on our lives.

With our identities as Muslims marked by the beard and the hijab, we are prone to assaults to our religious values. All because we are perceived to be “backwards” & have no sense of “style” or anything of that sort. But Brother! Sister! Do NOT give in to these corrupt messages! They only wish to destroy us and what we hold near.

So… what exactly is Hayaa?

It is normally translated as modesty or inhibition but neither word conveys the same idea as haya. Modesty suggests shunning indecent behavior but it also implies bashfulness based on timidity. That is why the adjective based on its opposite, immodest, is sometimes also used as a compliment suggesting courage. Inhibition is defined as: “Conscious or unconscious mechanism whereby unacceptable impulses are suppressed.” This is a very neutral definition with no reference to right or wrong. So one finds psychiatrist “helping” their patients overcome inhibitions.

Along with its unique connotation comes the unique value of Hayaa in Islam. Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said:

“Every religion has a distinct call. For Islam it is Hayaa.” [Ibn Majah].

Hayaa plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Eeman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of hayaa in us then it is most likely that our Eeman is very weak. For as it states in the following hadeeth:

“There are more than 70 branches of Iman (Faith). The foremost is the declaration that there is no God except Allah and the least of it is removing harmful things from the path. And Hayaa is a branch of Iman.” [Bukhari, Muslim].

As some Muhaditheen point out, the number 70 is a figure of speech. What the hadith tells us is that the declaration of faith is the most important part of Iman but that is not all. Iman also has to reflect itself in all kinds of actions in real life. Moreover, Hayaa is a centerpiece of most of the actions that Iman calls for. It is the basic building block of Islamic morality. When it is lost, everything is lost.

Based on such teachings, Islam brought about a moral revolution of unprecedented dimensions with haya as its cornerstone. The pre-Islamic Jahiliyya society of Arabia knew the word but did not understand its meaning. Nudity, the antithesis of Hayaa, was not only common in every day life, it was even part of the most important religious ritual of tawaf (circumbulation of Ka’bah). So were all the other evils that flow from it. Islam exterminated all of those evils and changed the society in such a way that haya became one of its most cherished values. To this day in Friday Khutbahs around the world, the third Khalifah Hazrat Usman Radi Allahu Anhu is mentioned as the person with perfect Hayaa and perfect Iman (Kamil lil-haya wal Iman). Is there any other religion that celebrates Hayaa like that?

Islam’s laws about hijab, its ban against free mixing of men and women, its teachings about gender-relations — all of these reflect a deep concern for Hayaa. For men and women who have not lost their Hayaa, these come naturally. There is a moving story from the earlier Islamic period about a woman who learnt that her young son had been lost in a battle. She ran in a panic to confirm the news, but before that, she took time to make sure that she covered herself fully in accordance with the newly revealed laws of hijab. She was asked how did she manage to do that in a time of great personal tragedy. She replied: “I have lost my son, but I did not lose my Hayaa.”

Two kinds of Hayaa: Good and Bad

The good Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to commit a crime or a thing which Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) has forbidden, and bad Hayaa’ is to be ashamed to do a thing, which Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) ordered to do.


What is good Hayaa?

Anyone who is a believer should build their personalities and their character with the good dimensions of hayaa. The most important is that he/she must be shy of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allaah, with the belief that he/she will have to answer to all their deeds.

If one develops a sense such as this one, it will help the believer to obey all of Allaah’s command and to stay away from the sins. Once the believer realizes that Allaah is watching us all the time and we will have to answer for every move we make in this dunya, he/she would not neglect any order from Allaah or His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). So the stronger this sense of hayaa becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allaah doesn’t see him/her doing anything forbidden. The way to develop this hayaa is that one must keep learning and absorbing more and more knowledge of our deen.

Another type of hayaa is more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allaah. Normally these things often come in regard with ones relationship with family. For instance a child not wanting to do something displeasing to his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about saying something incorrect in front of his teacher (daa’ee). Last but not least is the type of hayaa in which the believers become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peek of their Eeman. What this means is that if they do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens the believers commitment to Allaah.

What is bad Hayaa?

This negative aspect revolves around a person’s shamefulness or shyness of doing something that Allaah has ordered us to do through the Qur’aan or our Prophet’s (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) sunnah. This constitutes the shamefulness or embarrassment of doing a lawful act or something that is ordered upon us from Allaah. Meaning for someone not to follow an obligation of Islaam, due the fact of being shy infront of others about it. This is totally forbidden because then one is giving the people of this dunya more respect than the One who Created this whole universe. It also means if someone is shy or afraid to seek knowledge of Islaam for worldly reasons, because they do not want others to see them or to know of their ignorance. This once again goes contrary to what Allaah has told us in the Qur’aan, which is to seek knowledge and preach it to others.

In this society there are many examples. People will go out an get degrees in law schools, or science, or engineering and they will put four to six years of their lives studying for this stuff that will only benefit them in this world. Why? You ask? Well most likely, in this society people including Muslims, choose their careers according to how much money they will make and what status they will have in this society as to being a lawyer or a doctor etc. They do not realize that in Islaam the BEST stature of a Muslim is that of a “daa’ee” or a teacher of Islaam. These Islaamic teachers and scholars are even higher in the eyes of Allaah then one who only sits at home and preaches or does ibaadah. If they want to study law, why not Islaamic Shariah? If they want to study science, why not Islaamic Science? So this explains how people consider the worldly careers to be of higher value and are embarrassed to even express an interest in Islaamic Studies. Only because they will not be considered as high as the other “educated” people. This is having the bad hayaa or “shame” of something that is encouraged to us by Allaah and His Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam).

Another proof of bad hayaa is that which is extremely popular amongst our sisters in this western society. That is what the rest of this essay will be focused on. One of the most important aspects of hayaa, for women, is that of guarding their chastity and their modesty. To do this they must follow the order from Allaah telling them to keep hidden themselves and their adornments from all men unlawful to them in marriage. Now this order involves all the aspects of hayaa for those who do follow it. The believing and following women are ashamed of disobeying Allaah. They are shy of the opposite gender in this society because of what they might experience if strange men look at them and lastly they have hayaa because they are ashamed of going out in public and committing this grave sin of displaying their beauty is public. There are many women in this society who claim that they have hayaa but to follow the order of hijab is backwards and that women in this society shouldn’t have to cover, is obviously disbelief. For if someone really had hayaa they would never contradict ANYTHING that Allaah has ordained upon us even if they did not exactly like the idea. A woman’s hayaa comes from her modesty and her shyness and her fear of Allaah, so how can she have hayaa if she walks around in public unveiled? Proof lies in the following hadeeth:

Abdullah Ibn Umar (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:

“Indeed hayaa (modesty) and Iman are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well.” [Bayhaaqee]

There are many verses in the Qur’aan and many ahadeeth explaining the reasons behind observing Hijab. The Islaamic Shariah has not stopped at giving the Commandments of Hijab, it has also clarified every such thing which directly relates to these commandments and, with the slightest carelessness, may result in vulgarity and immodesty. In other words such things have also been forbidden in order to close the doors to indecency and lewdness, in return providing a stronger pillar for hayaa. Modesty (hayaa) and maintaining one’s honor are of primary importance in preserving the moral fiber of any society. This is why modesty has been called the ornament of a woman, which protects her from many sins and which prevents ill-intentioned men from daring to have bad thoughts about her. This hayaa has been made a part of her nature to safeguard her from being abused by immoral men.

Narrated on the authority of Anas Ibn Malik (radi-Allaahu ‘anhu), that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:

“When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes defective; and when hayaa is a part of anything it becomes beautiful.” [Tirmidhee]

So it is only obvious that Hijab plays and extremely important role in regards to Hayaa. For Hijab prevents lewdness and Hayaa backs this up and then person’s eeman becomes even stronger. So both things work together in a partnership. At the time of our beloved Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) as soon as the verses of Hijab were revealed, all the Quraish and Ansar ran home to their wives and daughters and close female relatives to tell them to cover themselves. The ones who had veils used them and the ones who did not have veils made some right away. For instance the following hadeeth tells us:

Narrated by Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa):

“May Allaah have mercy on the early immigrant women. When the verse “That they should draw their veils over their bosoms” was revealed, they tore their thick outer garments and made veils from them. And when the verse “That they should cast their outer garments over themselves” was revealed, the women of Ansar came out as if they had crows over their heads by wearing outer garments.” [Abu Daawood]

This indicates that all these women wanted to guard their modesty which is why they followed out the orders of Allaah. Yet, another verse talk about the level of modesty in Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa).

Narrated Aa’ishah (radi-Allaahu ‘anhaa):

“I used to enter my house where Allaah’s Messenger (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) was and take off my garment, saying that only my husband and my father were there; but when Umar was buried along with them, I swear by Allaah that I did not enter it without having my clothes wrapped round me owing to modesty regarding Umar.” [at-Tirmidhee and Ahmad]

If women in today’s society choose not to wear the veils, but some belief in their hearts, than they might be categorized as Muslim women but not Mumineen. The truth is that Hayaa is a special characteristic of a Mu’min. People who are ignorant of the teachings of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) do not concern themselves with Hayaa and Honour. Hayaa and Iman are interdependent; therefore either they both exist together or they both perish.

Thus, the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) has said in one hadeeth,

“When there is no hayaa left, then do as you please.”

Merits of Hayaa

There are many merits of Hayaa if one wants to know. Here are some just to list a few.

1. Allaah loves Hayaa. We know this by the following hadeeth:

“Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults.” [Bukhaaree]

2. Hayaa itself is a Greatness of Islaam as our Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) indicated:

“Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa.” Or “Every deen has an innate character. The character of Islaam is modesty (hayaa).” [Abu Daawood]

3. Hayaa only brings good and nothing else. Our Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:

“Hayaa does not bring anything except good.” [Bukhaaree]

4. Hayaa is a very clear indication of our eeman. As the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) had mentioned to the Ansar who was condemning is brother about being shy:

“Leave him, for Hayaa is (a part) of Faith.” [Bukhaaree]

5. Last but not least, Hayaa leads us to PARADISE. As the Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) told us:

“Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire.” [Bukhaaree]

The actual word Hayaa is derived from Hayaat. This means life. It is only obvious that when someone has Hayaa in them, they will LIVE a life of Islaam. On the other hand if they do not have Hayaa they are living a life that is Dead “Islaamically” but alive according to this dunya.

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) said:

“Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them.” [Bayhaaqee]

To conclude, we must understand that Hayaa is important for both men and women. Men are to control themselves by getting married as young as possible or if they cannot afford that they should fast.

Women are told to conceal themselves so that the men will not be over taken by the whispers of shaitaan and will not disrespect or take advantage of the women. There are many verses in the Qur’aan that have clearly explained how we have to behave and Allaah is All-Knowing therefore He knew that we would face these problems living in this society, and that is no excuse to change Islaam and only practice what we feel is right. Allaah has told men how to guide their modesty and has told women how to guide their modesty. If either one of them refuse to follow the commandment of their Lord, may Allaah have mercy on them and may He guide them to the straight path.

“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do.

And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty…” [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]

All praise is for Allah, and may His peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad [Salallahu Alayhi Wassalam), his family, his campanions and his true followers until the Day of Judgment. Ameen


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