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Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

Posted on: May 25, 2011


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

Question :What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah?

Answer: Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah and we hate for the sake of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself: why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

In this context, we’d like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

“If we are speaking about the emotion which we call “love” then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden.”

Shedding more light on the issue in point we’d like to cite the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He states:

In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

Islam does not allow any illicit relationship between a man and a woman. Allaah has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire, and through marriage a man and woman form a family based on the laws of Allaah, and their children are legitimate. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. To have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter the level of interaction and involvement, is completely haraam!

Contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said:

“I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may leads to fitnah (temptation).

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh

The permissible ways to get the one whom you loves are sufficient i.e

contact the wali or the gaurdian of the person whom you desire to marry, there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.

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216 Responses to "Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?"

it is said n hadees it is haram to shake hands between a boy and a girl.

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I fell in love with a someone and i adored him, asked him to marry, this went on for years. I realised it was all wrong when he returned from his home country engaged after my love for him for over 3 years. When he returned I still persuded to marry him for 6 months blinded by love. I eventually decided to go with an arrange marriage to a person I knew of. Once married this other person (my foolish supposed love of my life) came running and wanted me back. It really tested my marriage it almost broke it down, but this is when I put all my faith in Allah and trusted he would guide me. I didnt love my husband like i thought i loved this other person, but I have now found love. I found love in Allah and found it in Makkah on Umrah where my husband took me for our firts holiday: although this was not a holiday but a miracle as I thought my husband and I were on the verge of a divorce and this was the end for us. Since we have grown so much closer and i am begining to adore him. Allah truely knows best all we have to do is believe and trust. Allah doesnt ask for much from us but in return he gives us the world and more.

I am eternally greatful to Allah and his guidence when I was about to give up he showed me the way.
NEVER GIVE UP HOPE, you dont know what Allah has for you.
TRUST AND BELIEVE

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Asalam U Alaikum ,

Im a 17 years old boy , i have just developed feeling for a girl. We have been talking more then 2 years. I told her that i love her and she loves me too. But the problem im facing these days is that she says that my parents won’t accept this. I told her to keep calm everything will be fine ,but she kept telling all these things. Can some one please help me :(

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Sabar! Have faith in Allah. He will guide you. If its ment to be it will happen. If it is not written in your kismat then you can do anything and it will not happen.

Go down the halal route and ask her if she is serious then not to be scared put faith in Allah and make the step to involve family and not, then to not waste your time – move on and trust in Allah

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same here :(
why the parents thinks so!!!?

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Bro. (or) SIS. i need URGENT help for the question is in the story which follows..__actually iam a very good and a very true hearted fellow and i think in life i need at-least only one friend who can care me a lot and also at the same time who can be with me…but in LIMITS(till we get married!!! and as iam a Muslim guy(age – 18) i think it is best to choose a Muslim girl..so as i have my elder sisters and brothers ALL R ENGINEERS AND DOCTORS and all have a perfect grip on the knowledge of quran and Kareem and all follow the perfect rules of quran ,sunnah and they r very good at me ,,and i think that choosing a good character Muslim girl is best for me because she is also a girl who follows sunnath and quran..and she is my family friend too __the qustion is __i have a family friend and also she is very calm and polite and always in hizab when she goes out of her home…i rearly see her face often when we travel in same bus everyday (to the collage ) and i liked her because she perfectly suits to the rules which my dad had kept for by elder brother’s wife and also the way my dad gave training to my all elder sisters..and she is very kind hearted but the fact is we never met before and just jointed in the same collage surprisingly ..i wanted a perfect friend who can understand me and also be with me for lifetime..so i just chosen her..the fact is as i would wonder for such type of friend. i always had a DUA and slept..the main point to say all this story is to tell me character and my position ..soo my qustion is CAN I BE LOVE A GIRL WHO IS VERY GOOD AND also may i know the RULES WHICH I SHOULD FOLLOW so that i can get a perfect LOVE between us and get ESCAPE frm HARAM things…?!!!! THANKS FOR THOSE WHO SPEND A TIME FOR ME TO READ THIS AND I KINDLY REQUEST U PEOPLE TO SHARE UAR THOUGHTS ABT MY POSITION because every response for this massage matters me a LOT!!!… THANKS>…inshallah may ALLAH show me the way to be in a very GOOD way and also be GOOD towards OTHERS..

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if one married women deserved in a man then he starts love him
and he is ready to leave from his husband what to do him
must reply

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an awsome site it is Jazakallah ; thanksssssssss for providing us info.

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Praise be to Allah…..Im just his servant…

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A.o.A
i’m a student of intermediate part 2 & deeply in love with a girl… I’ve already told her that i love her… But we never met… We’ve seen eachother as we go to the same academy. I only talk to her on facebook. No voice calls & nothing else. I never had any sexual thoughts related to her & thanks to her that now i respect all the other girls too :) my mom knows about her. Just plz tell me that if just having a chat on fb is ok? We never discuss anything wrong… We r mostly having conversations on random stuff like our clg & academy fellows & make eachother smile… There’s nothing wrong in that right? :)

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Asalam wa alaikum I have developed feelings for a girl in my class at first there was nothing i didn’t find her that attractive but after some months we started talking more in classes and i found my self more attracted to her. She is Muslim by name but her deen seems to be quite weak. I think the feelings are mutual she has given me signs and is quite friendly to me. I hope to get to know her more and develop a good relationship as friends and hopefully marry her one day, I would like to know if my intentions are halal

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the boy and girl love each other and girl is non muslim and older then boy 3 years her is problem please give answer and they can married each other plz help mr

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Its better not to do.. Marriage must be Islamic.
else its not marriage.
Its possible if she accept islam.

but you can’t force or trap her to accept islam.

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Hey King, “no compunction in religion”???
why can’t HE convert to HER religion.Seems it’s the muslim way or nothing…what a great sexist cult pisslam is..

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the boy and girl love each other and girl is non muslim and older then boy 3 years her is problem please give ams

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Its better not to do.. Marriage must be Islamic.
else its not marriage.
Its possible if she accept islam.

but you can’t force or trap her to accept islam.

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If a man loves someone alot but the girl doesn’t..
so then Should he forget her? Or
try his best to get her (for marriage)?

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is this right that god will tell us to follow one book or if that book is not true…all faith is gone…

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God is spelt with a capital ‘G’

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In arabic there are no capital letters. Capital G in god is just a way for christian to spell god. It does not matter in islam.

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Yes it does not matter in Islam….it is bcz Muslims believe in Allah and they always use it that way and do not use ‘GOD’

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i love someone.and now i want to know what islam allows us to do in that case,i mean what are the limitations.can we meet if there will also other people with us?and if yes,will they have to be necessarily our relatives?or we can hang out with other friends along with loved one with making this promise to allah that we won’t runany haram conversation.

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I’m sorry, but touching is not permitted. They may speak – but not be left alone together. They must be accompanied and keep it halal; so basically be close friends until marriage. That’s what you want right? A partner should be one’s best friend.

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Assalamualaikum.

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters. In my point of view approaching this matter. Since I do not have a lot of knowledge I will explain with my general knowledge because I know what is right and what is wrong.

First we need to know what is the meaning of haram? Haram is the all deeds that Allah (swt) prohibited to do and what makes him angry.

Why relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend is haram? It is haram because when you are in relationship with someone you love each other you will have desires for each other in which this one will lead in committing sin. Between two different sex the third one is Satan, so he will do any thing to make you commit sin. Even the ayah that prohibits zina states people should not come near to adultery, it didn’t say do not commit adultery but it said do not come near to adultery since when you come near to adultery you will definitely do it, that is why relationship is haram since it will lead you in adultery, Allah knows best.

It is haram for two different sex not just doing adultery but not come near each other not even shaking hands since that will start conversation which may lead into relationship. In my view it is allowed in strict matters that you cannot avoid like in school and for discussion in a group, not touching each other’s hands, also have a distance when you seated in discussion, and talk nothing more than education purpose, if possible not even have discussion with different sex.

But in my opinion of view, if you saw a person either in the street, school, or any other place that your heart felt something like love, since you cannot control it and you really want to marry him/her, then go to their guardian and tell her parents how you feel that woman, then they will approach their daughter and ask her if she feels the same way then you can marry each other, or if you are too small for marriage but still love each other than don’t take that opportunity to start conversation in school since you will be alone and satan will be the third one but go to her house meet her mother let her mother be the third person between you guys if you want to talk like greeting each other since you will be missing each other, that will help you guys from committing a sin, and Allah (swt) will bless you both to marriage since no sin is committed.

Remember you have to stay far from each other when greeting, while she has cover herself like a muslim girl, and one guardian should be there when you guys are having conversation. I think its the best way from how the world is now.

From my limited knowledge, if I said anything that might be wrong please don’t hesitate to clarify and we might bring it in argument in a good way of exchanging knowledge.

Sorry for reading my long passage. Insha’Allah, Allah will bless you.

Thank you so much.

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Bohot Khoobsurat Hai….Jazakallahu Khaira…

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There is a certain way of offering to marry a girl in Islam and that’s right one should contact her wali.

Please do visit your brother’s website- [site link removed by admin]

Cmnt Edit by Admin!

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Sorry,After looking ur site content..i removed ur site link.

can’t allow such links,which promote fake miracle pictures as True Miracles of Allah swt!

may Allah forgive me,if im wrong at any place.!

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Two teenager who love eachother a lot and don’t do any bad thing. and their mother know about it and they want to give them marry when they will be big. But my ques is: Is holing hand allowed for them? Please help me by giving ans soon, Allah will help you. I still didn’t get my any question’s ans. But please at least give it’s ans. Please i beg to everyone. Ans me pleaseeee :-/ sooon.

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It is not permissible to hold hands , n mashallah that u guys dont indulge in bad things… u can meet each other albeit that u keep safe distance and don’t do things like holding hands, kissing, hugging.etc

My Opinion : Concentrate your relation to your god , dont worry, if allah has made you guys pair then you will defiantly get married to that person one day.. ,

if u want ill quote one ayaat that will guide you In sha Allah

“it is not a sin if you make an indirect marriage proposal or have such intention in your hearts.God knows that you will cherish their memories in your hearts. Do not have secret dates unless you behave lawfully . Do not decide for a marriage before the appointed time is over. Know that God knows what is in your hearts. Have Fear of Him and know that he is All-forgiving and Al-merciful ”
——————————-Al Quran (Chapter 2 , Verse no 235)

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Allah is spelt with a capital ‘A’

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At frist thanks a lot for answering that it it allow. Ok. A boy and girl love eachother a lot and their mom also want to make them to marry. But if the girl elder than the boy about 2 year. But then also they love them, is here any problem? Can love and when big can marry?? Plez ans it. What islam says about it?

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Assalamualaikum.

It is allowed to marry her, it doesn’t matter how old she is. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) married Bibi Khadija when he was 20 years old and his wife was $0 years old, so twice his age. What you need to consider is Akhlaq, that means good deeds, you should go for a religious girl, no matter age, race, tribe, wealth,, what ever it is, a religious woman will look after marriage and you will always be happy. Thank you!

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A boy and girl love eachother a lot and their mom also want to make them to marry. But if the girl elder than the boy about 2 year. But then also they love them, is here any problem? Can love and when big can marry?? Plez ans it. What islam says about it?

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Kadija (r.a) was bigger than the prophet (s.a.w),,, n still they got married

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It’s not bigger dear sister/brother it’s older

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It’s want them to get married dear sister/brother

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How will i get my answer? Where? Please ans me. And if can however give ans im gmail. Please

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How will i get my answer? Where? Please ans me.

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I love a boy. He also love me. We are teenager. Our mom know about our love. They want us to marry when big. My ques is i want to know in islamic way what what is allowed in love to do. Like is hold hand allowed? Please ans me on my gmail. It is ‘bristyakter04@gmail.com’
May Allah keep all happy. Islam jindabad!

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Assalaualaikum.

It is fine to love someone, but should not go beyond Allah’s anger. it is not allowed to hold hands with a girl whom you can marry, not even your cousin. when you want to talk to her, be with your parents or her parent and make conversation, do not stay with her just to of you, because sheitan may do anything to make you do a sin. Just have patience to each other, when the time reaches you can marry, in Islam only marriage is allowed, no such a thing as boyfriend/girlfriend. and a blessed man/woman comes from Allah from a blessed marriage. I hope I have answered your question. Thank you.

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