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Posts Tagged ‘Muslim College Life: Dating


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

What Islaam Says About Dating


The most common questions I get from young people are, “Do Muslims date?” and, “If they don’t date, how do they decide whose the right person for them to marry?”

“Dating” as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims – where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, “getting to know each other” in a very deep way before deciding whether that’s the person they want to marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden.

1. Allah subhana wa’tala says:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and protect their private parts….And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts…” Surah al-Noor :30-31)

But Dating encourages people to deliberately look and stare and seek out the ‘one’ that you find attractive.

2. Allaah orders the Muslim women not to talk unnecessarily or in a soft manner to strange men.

“….then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire” (Surah al-Ahzaab :32)

Even for the Sahaabah, Allaah ordered them to screen themselves from the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) when they need to ask them something. Who could be purer than the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) and who could be higher in taqwa than the Sahaabah?

“And when you ask (the Prophet’s wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. (Surah al-Ahzaab: 53)

Yet, in Dating, you see young men and women who are absolutely not mahram for one another in any way whatsoever, going way beyond this prohibition. Not only are they talking to each other in a soft and flirtatious way, but they are right out expressing their ‘love’ (in reality, lust) for each other.

3. The Sunnah prohibits a man and a woman from being alone together at any time.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram present, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan.” (Ahmad — saheeh by al-Albaani)

But those who celebrate Valentine’s Day purposely seek to be alone with each other and go out on dates with each other while Allaah says:

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)” (al-Isra’ :32)

4. Islaam prohibits a man to even touch a non-mahram woman.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him.” (al-Tabaraani –saheeh by al-Albaani)

But Dating promotes more than just touching. It promotes hugging, kissing, cuddling and much more. May Allaah protect us.

5. Islaam teaches us that real love between a man and a woman, that is acceptable and allowed by Allaah is only that between a husband and his wife.

“And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put love and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think. (al-Room: 21)

But DATES  endorses haraam relationships between a non-mahram man and woman and encourages illicit love and un-Islaamic affiliations.

6. Islaam tells us that Hayaa’ (modesty) and bashfulness are a jewel to be treasured.

It is a purity and innocence that is a virtue, regardless for a man or a woman. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“Hayaa’ (modesty) is a branch of faith.” (Bukhaari)

On the other hand, THESE dates and hanging out with opposite gender advocates nothing but shamelessness and immodesty.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life – with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

The following steps should be adopted:

  • Make du’a (supplication) to Allah; ask Him to help you find the right person.
  • The family should enquire, discusse, and suggest candidates. They should consult with each other, so as to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother should approache the other family to suggest a meeting.
  • Couple should meet in chaperoned, group environment. ‘Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram).” (Bukhari/Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said, “Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them.” (Tirmidhi).
  • When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur’an (24:30-31) to, {lower their gaze and guard their modesty….} Islaam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, that is why this rule provides safety-measures for our own sake.
  • Family should investigate candidate further – speaking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn more about his or her character before making the final decision.
  • Couple should both pray Salaat-al-istikhaarah (The Prayer For Guidance, and thus seek Allah’s help in making the decision.
  • An agreement should be made to either pursue marriage or part ways. Islaam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women – they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don’t want.

This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders’ wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

That is why these marriages often prove successful.

And Allah knows best.!

Compiled and written by PrnXess *IM*

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Muslim College Life: Dating, Drinking and Deen

Freedom


Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do.

This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life’s short they say, let’s enjoy ourselves while we can.

So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don’t pray, Muslims who date , go out to parties and drink.

Why is this happening?

For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they believed in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it.

Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why believe something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell.

How do we know Islam is right anyway?Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun.

For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.

The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive.

In western culture “love and romance” are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better.But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes.

Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who’s going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don’t get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important.

Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.

Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative.In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no game playing. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another.

Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.

Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don’t drink or party you’re seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn’t is less of a person and ‘misses out’. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.

In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one’s careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?

The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to follow the religion of our forefathers.Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues.

We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?

“Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense…for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception”
(Quran 3:185)

Shouldn’t we take the time to contemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.

If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life.

Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later.

We are gambling.

The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this,

“O you who believe, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam” (Qu’ran 3:102)

Each of us needs to decide.

On the Day of Judgment it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions.

“Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance benefits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul…”
(Quran 39:41)

This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God.

“Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they believe therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it…”
(Quran 22:54)

Once students have this rock-solid intellectual belief in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What others do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.

Our Quran’s are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late.  The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?

How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?

How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?

May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path.

InshaAllah.

Ameen.

By Huma Ahmad
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid “Born to be Brown”, UK

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