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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Marriage as a Student – Should I or Shouldn’t I?

Written By: Riaz Dahi; Taken from Ministry of Dawah and Darulihsan

Man has been created in such a way that he requires a companion throughout his life. It is a natural desire and inclination that has been placed within him through the bounty of Allah (SWT). This inclination is not merely of a carnal nature but it seeks a soulmate for companionship, love, trust, understanding and mercy.

It is for this reason that Allah (SWT) draws our attention to the purpose of creating males and females in pairs:

“And of His signs is that He created for you of your kind, spouses that you may take rest(live) with them, and set between you love and mercy. Of course, in that are insights for those who think.” (Sura 30, Verse 21)

The carnal desire experienced by males and females is primarily instituted to ensure the continuation of Allah’s vicegerents on earth i.e. the continuation of the human civilisation as we know it. It is extremely sad that as Muslims we have forgotten this extremely important aspect of being unified with the opposite sex and have resorted to building it simply on our base desires.

Young students on campus are not immune to the attractions felt towards the opposite sex. This attraction usually starts out as a physical, lustful desire and eventually progresses into a relationship between two individuals. Most students on campus range in age from around 18 to 25, the beginning of the prime of their youth. They are no longer children and are well on their way into adulthood.

As a result many are faced with a dilemma while attending campus in that they have either found a suitable marriage partner or would like to find themselves one to protect them from the evils of zina. The question then arises as to whether they are ready for marriage, both emotionally and financially. They are generally not supported by their parents in their views and so end up continuing to engage in relationships with members of the opposite sex to satisfy their emotional and sometimes physical needs.

Premarital Relationships

Before continuing, it is imperative that we understand unequivocally that all relationships between males and females who are not mahram (i.e. they can marry one another according to shariah) beyond necessity are completely haraam (forbidden). We sometimes try to find ways around this rule in order to satisfy ourselves that what we are doing is still within the bounds of shariah because our intentions are pure.

This restriction is the order and hukm of Allah (SWT) and even if it is our intention to marry the person in the near future, we are completely precluded from engaging in any relationship with them beyond that which is necessary.

How do I know if I’m ready for marriage?

Now that we have cleared up any shari’ misunderstandings, let us briefly look at what pillars need to be solidified before a young person can be classified as ready for marriage. The main issues that affect the marriage relationship are financial and emotional ones.

The most important aspect of being able to live with another person for the rest of your life is your ability to compromise. It is easy to live through issues that you are both in agreement with. No one has a difficult time dealing with someone who agrees with them. It is when there is a disagreement, be it small or big, that relationships begin to crumble. Emotionally, one has to be able to deal with such situations. Again, our deen is so complete that it encompasses all areas needed to live a good and pure life.

We need to study the sunnah advices for married couples and identify whether we are prepared to make these sacrifices for our spouses. As women we need to be understanding towards men’s inability to always control their temper and as men we need to consider some women’s inability to control their tongues. As men we need to learn to control those tempers and as women those tongues. No matter how much financial wealth we bring into the marriage, if we are deficient in emotional wealth the marriage will be a failure from the start.

On a financial level society has placed certain expectations on a married couple that sometimes tend to go beyond the capabilities of any young individual. Moreover they often transgress the guidelines given by shariah when it comes to marriage.

Hazrat Ayesha (RA) narrates that Rasulullah (SAW) said: “The marriage that involves least burden is the one that produces the most blessing.” (Bai Haqi)

Despite this very clear hadith it is found that married couples are expected to have lavish wedding parties, purchase brand new cars for both parties and be able to find five star, fully furnishedaccommodation in the most upmarket suburbs. A married couple that is unable to maintain such standards is considered one that is battling or sad. Sometimes we even degenerate to speculating that they may be expecting an unexpected child and so had to rush the marriage despite the lack of financial means. May Allah (SWT) save us from such filthy notions.

There is no doubt that a husband must have the means to be able to support his wife. No marriage is ever built on “love and fresh air”. A few rands and dollars are definitely required. But as unmarried students we are willing to live in student style accommodation, drive a battered second hand car and flash our student cards at every possible shopping expedition in the hope of getting a measly studentdiscount. A day later when the words of nikah are said we are immediately expected to produce a platinum credit card with an unlimited facility. Is there any logic in such behaviour?

On the other hand we find parents that are willing to shower their children with expensive cars and clothes, lavish overseas holidays and unlimited spending money but when the question of marriage is raised their blanket response is that the child “must be able to stand on his or her own two feet.” How far have we strayed from our beautiful deen that we are willing to spend our wealth in Allah (SWT)’s disobedience but when it comes to protecting the izzat and respect of our sons and daughters we are so miserly?

It is reported by Hazrat Abu Sa’id (RA) and Hazrat Abdullah Ibn Abbas (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “He who has a child born to him should give it a good name and a good education and marry it when it reaches puberty. If he does not marry it when it reaches puberty and it commits sin, the guilt rests only upon its father.” (Bai Haqi)

Will marriage change my life?

A common question among youngsters who want to get married is whether marriage will change their lives. The natural response to this question is yes, your life will undoubtedly change. How can it not when you’re sharing it with a whole other person? The question is whether it will change for the better or worse. The first aspect of change boils down to one’s level of maturity. If you are the type of individual that lacks discipline in your studies and will be distracted by a partner being around all the time, then you are not ready for marriage.
On the other hand as a joint team you can achieve so much more than you would on your own. There is someone to share the household responsibilities with, a partner to assist you in your studies and motivate you towards achieving good results as well as the companion that you have been created to desire.

Many young students live their lives with a haraam partner from the opposite sex and seem to be able to cope with their studies. They spend all day together at campus and some even share their living arrangements with each other. How is this different, from a practical perspective, to marriage? Should it not be easier if the relationship is blessed with the added bonus of Allah (SWT) divine nusrat and help?

Conclusion

There is no doubt that in today’s environment of fitnah and haraam, young students are easily tempted to being led astray. It is extremely difficult to maintain one’s haya and modesty when the ropes of shaytaan are tugging so strongly at one’s nafs. At such a time we need to recognise that Allah (SWT) has created us with an inner desire for the companionship of the opposite sex and has made it lawful for us to engage in such relationships within the bounds of nikah. There is no compulsion on the quality of life that needs to be lead financially. All we need to ensure is that we have the ability to support ourselves practically, be it through scholarships or part time work or through the efforts of our parents and that we have the emotional intelligence to manage the relationship.

If you are entering the campus environment or are there already and are seriously concerned about the level of your imaan and protecting your chastity, you need to conscientiously explore the possibility of marriage through halaal means. If you are already in an illicit relationship and would like to make your partner a husband or wife in the future, you need to set the wheels in motion to get married as soon as possible. If you don’t have the financial means or feel you are emotionally not ready, then it is imperative that you end the haraam relationship and say to your partner that it will only resume once you have the means to get married. If they are truly meant for you and for them, you will be able to wait until the time is right. In the meanwhile, get down on your musallah  and fervently pray to Allah (SWT) to open a way for you get married as soon as possible.
May Allah (SWT) grant all those who are married blessed marriages, all those who want to get married pious partners and all those who are unable to get married patience in their time of difficulty.

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (RA) has said that Rasoolullah (SAW) has said, “You have not seen anything like marriage for increasing the love of two people.” (Mishkat)

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Why Prophet Muhammad Married Aisha When She

Was Only 9?

NOTE :  I WAS TALKING WITH A NON-MUSLIM ABOUT THIS ISSUE,AND HE GAVE ME THIS ARTICLE LINK,THIS SHOCKED ME ! BECAUSE HE WAS TAKING ARTICLE IN DIFFERENT WAY ! I REALIZED THAT THIS ARTICLE NEED UPDATE.

IN HISTORY WE DON;T HAVE CONFIRMED AGE OF AISHA R.A AT THE TIME OF MARRIAGE,SO THIS ARTICLE IS NOT CONFIRMING THAT HER AGE WAS 9.

THIS ARTICLE IS SHOWING THAT EVEN IF SHE WAS 9 :

Was this Marriage wrong before 1400 years ?  Did Muhammad s.a.w married her due to lust ? Was this marraige Wrong according to society and environment ?  Was this marriage done before her puberty ? 

Answer is NO .

I Will Publish another Article on same Issue Very Soon,In Article We will look at this Issue,using different way. InshahAllah.

Before We looked at this Issue from his marraige and Wife’s. Click here to read that article.
King
slave of Allah
Updated On : 14-feb-2013

 

1-It was a divine inspiration:

Before describing the rationale behind this married relation, let it be known that the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) married Sayyida Aisha not of his own desire rather it was a Divine inspiration. Read the following Hadith;

Narrated ‘Aisha:

That the Prophet said to her, “You have been shown to me twice in my dream. I saw you pictured on a piece of silk and some-one said (to me). ‘This is your wife.’ When I uncovered the picture, I saw that it was yours. I said, ‘If this is from Allah, it will be done.” {Bukhari :: Volume 5 :: Book 58 :: Hadith 235}

2-It was not out of his physical desires:

The Holy Prophet (Peace be upon him) did not marry Sayyidah Aisha out of his physical desires. One need to note that for first 54 years of his life he had only one wife. His only wife till 50th year of his life was Sayyida Khadija. He spent his entire youth with her and she was a two time widowed woman, 15 years elder to him. For next four years his only wife was Sayyidah Sa’uda.

3-Age of Marriage in Old Ages:

One must first understand that 1400 years ago was very different than now, times have changed and so have humans. 1400 years ago it was something very common to marry young girls, in fact they were not considered young girls, and rather they were considered young women back then. It is a historic fact that girls from the ages of 9 to 14 were being married in Europe, Asia, and Africa, in fact even in the United States girls at the age of 10 were also being married just more than a century ago.

Yet with these facts no historian claims that all these people were sick perverts, historians would call anyone who made such a claim to be arrogant and very stupid who has no grasp or understanding of history.

Even in Indo-Pak Sub-Continent girls used to be married at 12-13 even 50-60 years ago. And those ‘girls’ infact raised much better families. There were less family problems then. A simple analyses of the divorce rate then and know would certainly make it clear that maturity level earlier used to be different i.e. people used to come of age rather quickly.

4-Child Brides in Byzantine Empire:

http://www.roman-emperors.org/aggiefran.htm

Visit this link to see how common were the child brides in the Byzantine Empire.This article clearly states;”Child brides, whether Byzantines or foreign princesses, were the norm rather than the exception, especially from the late twelfth century”.

5-The Pagans of the Prophet’s time:

The fact that it was a completely acceptable thing can also be seen from the response of the pagans at that time. No Muslim or even pagan objected to the marriage because it was widely practiced. And even until today in 3rd world countries (Muslims and non-Muslims), little girls as young as 9 or 10 do get married. Anyway, the reason no one objected was to the Prophet’s marriage was:1-People used to have very short life-spans in Arabia. They used to live between 40 to 60 years maximum. So it was only normal and natural for girls to be married off at ages 9 or 10 or similar.2-Marriage for young girls was widely practiced among Arabs back then, and even today in many non-Muslim and Muslim countries

6-Engagement with Jubair bin Mutim:

It ought also be noted that Sayyidah Aisha ( RA) was engaged to Jubayr son of Mut’im before Prophet Muhammed (Peace be upon him. This indicates the age of marriage and engagement in Prophet’s time. However, the engagement was later nullified by Jubayr’s parents due to Abu Bakr (RA) embracing Islam.Doesn’t this indicate there was nothing bad in marrying a 9 year girl at that time?She must have been even younger when she was engaged to Jubair

7-Sayyidah Aisha was fit for marriage:

Furthermore as to the Holy Prophet’s marriage with Sayyidah Aisha, something people will notice is that the completion of the marriage was done when Sayyidah Aisha was 9 years old, not when she was 6, and there is a reason for that. The reason why this happened is because Sayyidah Aisha had been through puberty by the age of 9, and in Islam a female who under-goes puberty is considered a lady and is fit for marriage.
If we read the hadiths, we find that right before Sayyidah Aisha got married off to the Holy Prophet that she was sick and not feeling too well:

Narrated Sayyidah Aisha:

The Prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj then I got ill and my hair fell down. Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became all right, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, “Best wishes and Allah’s Blessing and a good luck.” Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah’s Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age.” {Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Number 234}

So as we can see, Sayyidah Aisha got ill and her body was going through some changes, indicating that she was going through her puberty.

8-Sayyida Aisha never showed her displeasure:

Another striking thing to observe is that among hundreds of her narrations there is not even a single one showing her displeasure about this marriage. Hence, she had no problem with this relation. Infect it is manifest from several traditions that she loved the Holy Prophet (Peace be upon him) too much and even felt some sort of jealousy when she found others around him. Does this not prove that she was extremely happy about this marriage? So, when she herself had no problem at all then what’s the matter of concern for others?

9-A 9-year old Thai girl gave birth:

A 9 old girl can become a mother. If you don’t believe me then see here is the proof;

The news item is from the New Straits Times, 10/3/2001.

In our world today, we still have people who marry very young girls. Why should we object to someone who married a 9-year old girl 1400 years ago, when we still practice it today? The girl above even gave birth at the age of 9!

10-It was absolutely legal:

Prophet Muhammad’s marriage with Aisha was 100% legal and acceptable by all laws and Divine Religions. It is important to know that girls during the Biblical and Islamic days used to be married off at young ages when they either had their first periods, or their breasts start showing off. In other words, when they turn into “women”, then they get married off. It was quite different for men on the other hand, because physical power and the ability of living an independent life had always been and will always be a mandatory requirement for men to have in life. So men waited much longer than women in terms of getting married. The guy had to develop both his body and mind before he was ready for marriage. That is why you see girls as young as 9 or 10 were married to men as old as 30 or even older. The culture back then and in many of the world countries today (NON-MUSLIM ONES TOO) is quite different than what you live in today.And there is no divine law which is broken in marrying a girl of nine at any costs.

11-Her parents never objected:

Sayyidah Aisha’s mother and the Muslim women back then were O.K with her marriage. It was part of the Arab custom and still is in many of the Muslim and non-Muslim countries today for girls to marry at a very young age. When a girl’s body starts showing up (her breasts and her height and physical size), then she would be ready for marriage
The only reason why Sayyidah Aisha’s father, Abu Baker Al Sidique, broke her engagement with Jober is because he was a non-Muslim. Later, a woman named Kholeah Bint Hakeem suggested for Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him to marry Sayyidah Aisha, because the Prophet and Abu Baker became best friends. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) engaged Sayyidah Aisha for 3 years before he married her.

12-Muslims never concealed it:

Had there been any bad thinking regarding this marriage in minds of the people at that time. Muslims would have tried there best to conceal at that time. But they didn’t.

13-Refuting unjust Pagan views:

There were many baseless traditions in practice among the Arabs in those days. So Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was usually ordered by the Almighty ALLAH to refute such traditions through personal examples. Similar is the case of Prophet Muhammad’s marriage with Umm al Momineen Aisha (R.A.)

1-For a bad omen, Arab considered Shawwal a month prohibited for marriage. Sayyidah A’isha’s betrothal and departure from her parent’s house took place in Shawwal. This changed the ridiculous custom.

2-Another bad custom was that the Arabs did not give the hands of their daughters to those who they “called” their brothers (though were not actual brothers). This was the objection raised by Abu Bakr himself, when the Prophet (peace be upon him) made the proposal. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) then told him that a brother in faith was not an actual blood brother to be placed in the prohibited category.

14-Great Wisdom behind this marriage:

Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) marriage with Sayyidah Aisha at that age was indeed a great blessings for all the Muslims ever since. Most of the matters related to cleanliness, married relationship and other household issues have been cleared due to her narrations. She lived a long time after the death of the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) and continued to teach the Ummah about matters of daily routine and great importance.

15-What was Sayyidah Aisha famous for ??

Well what was her specialty? I ask the critics.

Was it beauty?

Was it wealth?

No it was religion!Thus proving the DIVINE LOGIC.

Arwa Bin Zubair says, “I did not find anyone more proficient (than Aisha ) in the knowledge of the Holy Quran, the Commandments of Halal (lawful) and Haram (prohibited), Ilmul-Ansab and Arabic poetry. That is why, even senior companions of the Prophet used to consult Aisha in resolving intricate issues”.
(Jala-ul-Afham by Ibn Qaiyem and Ibn Sa’ad, Vol.2, p.26)

Also see this;

Abu Musa al-Ashari says: “Never had we (the companions) any difficulty for the solution of which we approached Aisha and did not get some useful information from her”. (Sirat-I-Aisha, on the authority of Trimidhi, pg. 163)

INDEED ALLAH KNOWS THE BEST!!!

Read More Articles here :: Was Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him a Pedophile??

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