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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Marriage as a Student – Should I or Shouldn’t I?

Written By: Riaz Dahi; Taken from Ministry of Dawah and Darulihsan

Man has been created in such a way that he requires a companion throughout his life. It is a natural desire and inclination that has been placed within him through the bounty of Allah (SWT). This inclination is not merely of a carnal nature but it seeks a soulmate for companionship, love, trust, understanding and mercy.

It is for this reason that Allah (SWT) draws our attention to the purpose of creating males and females in pairs:

“And of His signs is that He created for you of your kind, spouses that you may take rest(live) with them, and set between you love and mercy. Of course, in that are insights for those who think.” (Sura 30, Verse 21)

The carnal desire experienced by males and females is primarily instituted to ensure the continuation of Allah’s vicegerents on earth i.e. the continuation of the human civilisation as we know it. It is extremely sad that as Muslims we have forgotten this extremely important aspect of being unified with the opposite sex and have resorted to building it simply on our base desires.

Young students on campus are not immune to the attractions felt towards the opposite sex. This attraction usually starts out as a physical, lustful desire and eventually progresses into a relationship between two individuals. Most students on campus range in age from around 18 to 25, the beginning of the prime of their youth. They are no longer children and are well on their way into adulthood.

As a result many are faced with a dilemma while attending campus in that they have either found a suitable marriage partner or would like to find themselves one to protect them from the evils of zina. The question then arises as to whether they are ready for marriage, both emotionally and financially. They are generally not supported by their parents in their views and so end up continuing to engage in relationships with members of the opposite sex to satisfy their emotional and sometimes physical needs.

Premarital Relationships

Before continuing, it is imperative that we understand unequivocally that all relationships between males and females who are not mahram (i.e. they can marry one another according to shariah) beyond necessity are completely haraam (forbidden). We sometimes try to find ways around this rule in order to satisfy ourselves that what we are doing is still within the bounds of shariah because our intentions are pure.

This restriction is the order and hukm of Allah (SWT) and even if it is our intention to marry the person in the near future, we are completely precluded from engaging in any relationship with them beyond that which is necessary.

How do I know if I’m ready for marriage?

Now that we have cleared up any shari’ misunderstandings, let us briefly look at what pillars need to be solidified before a young person can be classified as ready for marriage. The main issues that affect the marriage relationship are financial and emotional ones.

The most important aspect of being able to live with another person for the rest of your life is your ability to compromise. It is easy to live through issues that you are both in agreement with. No one has a difficult time dealing with someone who agrees with them. It is when there is a disagreement, be it small or big, that relationships begin to crumble. Emotionally, one has to be able to deal with such situations. Again, our deen is so complete that it encompasses all areas needed to live a good and pure life.

We need to study the sunnah advices for married couples and identify whether we are prepared to make these sacrifices for our spouses. As women we need to be understanding towards men’s inability to always control their temper and as men we need to consider some women’s inability to control their tongues. As men we need to learn to control those tempers and as women those tongues. No matter how much financial wealth we bring into the marriage, if we are deficient in emotional wealth the marriage will be a failure from the start.

On a financial level society has placed certain expectations on a married couple that sometimes tend to go beyond the capabilities of any young individual. Moreover they often transgress the guidelines given by shariah when it comes to marriage.

Hazrat Ayesha (RA) narrates that Rasulullah (SAW) said: “The marriage that involves least burden is the one that produces the most blessing.” (Bai Haqi)

Despite this very clear hadith it is found that married couples are expected to have lavish wedding parties, purchase brand new cars for both parties and be able to find five star, fully furnishedaccommodation in the most upmarket suburbs. A married couple that is unable to maintain such standards is considered one that is battling or sad. Sometimes we even degenerate to speculating that they may be expecting an unexpected child and so had to rush the marriage despite the lack of financial means. May Allah (SWT) save us from such filthy notions.

There is no doubt that a husband must have the means to be able to support his wife. No marriage is ever built on “love and fresh air”. A few rands and dollars are definitely required. But as unmarried students we are willing to live in student style accommodation, drive a battered second hand car and flash our student cards at every possible shopping expedition in the hope of getting a measly studentdiscount. A day later when the words of nikah are said we are immediately expected to produce a platinum credit card with an unlimited facility. Is there any logic in such behaviour?

On the other hand we find parents that are willing to shower their children with expensive cars and clothes, lavish overseas holidays and unlimited spending money but when the question of marriage is raised their blanket response is that the child “must be able to stand on his or her own two feet.” How far have we strayed from our beautiful deen that we are willing to spend our wealth in Allah (SWT)’s disobedience but when it comes to protecting the izzat and respect of our sons and daughters we are so miserly?

It is reported by Hazrat Abu Sa’id (RA) and Hazrat Abdullah Ibn Abbas (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “He who has a child born to him should give it a good name and a good education and marry it when it reaches puberty. If he does not marry it when it reaches puberty and it commits sin, the guilt rests only upon its father.” (Bai Haqi)

Will marriage change my life?

A common question among youngsters who want to get married is whether marriage will change their lives. The natural response to this question is yes, your life will undoubtedly change. How can it not when you’re sharing it with a whole other person? The question is whether it will change for the better or worse. The first aspect of change boils down to one’s level of maturity. If you are the type of individual that lacks discipline in your studies and will be distracted by a partner being around all the time, then you are not ready for marriage.
On the other hand as a joint team you can achieve so much more than you would on your own. There is someone to share the household responsibilities with, a partner to assist you in your studies and motivate you towards achieving good results as well as the companion that you have been created to desire.

Many young students live their lives with a haraam partner from the opposite sex and seem to be able to cope with their studies. They spend all day together at campus and some even share their living arrangements with each other. How is this different, from a practical perspective, to marriage? Should it not be easier if the relationship is blessed with the added bonus of Allah (SWT) divine nusrat and help?

Conclusion

There is no doubt that in today’s environment of fitnah and haraam, young students are easily tempted to being led astray. It is extremely difficult to maintain one’s haya and modesty when the ropes of shaytaan are tugging so strongly at one’s nafs. At such a time we need to recognise that Allah (SWT) has created us with an inner desire for the companionship of the opposite sex and has made it lawful for us to engage in such relationships within the bounds of nikah. There is no compulsion on the quality of life that needs to be lead financially. All we need to ensure is that we have the ability to support ourselves practically, be it through scholarships or part time work or through the efforts of our parents and that we have the emotional intelligence to manage the relationship.

If you are entering the campus environment or are there already and are seriously concerned about the level of your imaan and protecting your chastity, you need to conscientiously explore the possibility of marriage through halaal means. If you are already in an illicit relationship and would like to make your partner a husband or wife in the future, you need to set the wheels in motion to get married as soon as possible. If you don’t have the financial means or feel you are emotionally not ready, then it is imperative that you end the haraam relationship and say to your partner that it will only resume once you have the means to get married. If they are truly meant for you and for them, you will be able to wait until the time is right. In the meanwhile, get down on your musallah  and fervently pray to Allah (SWT) to open a way for you get married as soon as possible.
May Allah (SWT) grant all those who are married blessed marriages, all those who want to get married pious partners and all those who are unable to get married patience in their time of difficulty.

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (RA) has said that Rasoolullah (SAW) has said, “You have not seen anything like marriage for increasing the love of two people.” (Mishkat)

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Wedding Ceremony In Islam – Customs, Rituals & Traditions

Written By Prinxess *IM*


Prophet Muhammad (peace be Upon Him) said:

‘The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out”. (Mishkat)

It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation. Prophet Muhammad (peace be Upon Him) said:

“…and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet”. (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)

Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.

Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.

Mahr

The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.

‘And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift” (Quran 4:4)

Mahr is a token commitment of the husband’s responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Go and look for something even if it is a ring of iron.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5121) and Muslim (1425).

It is mustahabb to make the mahr simple and easy, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The best of dowries is the simplest.” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (3279). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is the simplest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (3300).

Jaheez – Dowry Taking from Girl’s Father

it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it, but if the wife takes it and then gives some of it to her husband or gives some of her wealth to him, it is permissible to her to do that, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)”[al-Nisa’ 4:4].

Allah has made the man the protector and maintainer of the woman, and one of the reasons for that is that he spends on her. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisa’ 4:34].

Thus, asking about dowry and demanding high from girl’s side is one of the worse act i.e Dis-obeying Allah and rejecting the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. However its so sad, today we see in our islamic society many husband dislikes and torture their wife only for the reason of not getting the dowry from her. Such husbands or such In laws should fear Allah!

Sermon

The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.

The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that

‘There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger” is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage.

This hadith is:

‘By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me”. (Bukhari)

The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)

Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.

Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be upon Him) considered simple weddings the best weddings:

‘The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed”. (Mishkat)

Primary Requirements

  1. Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
  2. Two adult and sane witnesses
  3. Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both

Secondary Requirements

  1. Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
  2. Written marriage contract (“Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
  3. Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma’zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
  4. Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage

The Marriage Banquet (Walima)

After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.

Keep The Marriage Simplest

Marriage is a major step in one’s life. It’s a matter of great responsibility that should by no mean be taken lightly. However, it shouldn’t be complicated to the point if one doesn’t have enough cash to hold an elaborate ceremony with hundreds of guests, one can’t get married.

Quite simply, a marriage in Islam is solemnized by a nikah (marriage contract) and a waleemah (marriage feast) that follows once the marriage has been consummated.

The nikah constitutes of a proposal from one party (eejab) and acceptance from another (qubool) in the presence of witnesses. The walimah is simply a dinner to celebrate the marriage, since marriage is, after all, a joyous occasion.

The nikah can be held at the local masjid or at home, while the walimah can be anywhere: one’s apartment, backyard, or basement, the local masjid, a park, a restaurant, a community center, or anywhere else.

As well, on the occasions of nikah and walimah, long speeches and an elaborate program are not required. Remember, simple is beautiful!

Nowadays, we seem to have been so caught up in rituals and customs that we tend to waste enormous amounts of money and time on things that simply aren’t needed. Nikah and walimah are both sunnahs (traditions) of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), so doesn’t it make sense to try to commemorate these occasions in the same fashion as he did?

Anas (RA) describes one of the walimahs hosted by the Prophet (SAW):

“The Prophet stayed for three days at a place between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage with Safiyya bint Huyay (RA). I invited the Muslims to a banquet which included neither meat nor bread. The Prophet (SAW) ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walima (banquet) of the Prophet (SAW).” (Reported by Bukhari)

In another report, Anas (RA) says that the Prophet (SAW)

“gave a wedding banquet with Hais (a sort of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and dates).” (Reported by Bukhari)

There is nothing wrong with having an elaborate ceremony in a fancy banquet hall and full-course meal prepared by a caterer, but the fact of the matter is that neither of these are requirements for a successful marriage ceremony. If one wishes to hold the ceremony in a banquet hall with a full-course meal, that’s perfectly fine, but it shouldn’t be taken as a requirement.

I’m sure many of us loan large sums of money just so we can host fancy receptions for our weddings. Or even if we spend extravagant amounts of our own money, it’s sad because there are so many better uses for our hard-earned money. After all, the amount of money spent on the ceremony has no positive effect on the life of the couple.

The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said:

“The marriage which is most greatly blessed is the one which is the lightest in burden [expense]. However, if people are well catered for, without extravagance and show, there is no problem with that either.” (Reported by Bayhaqi)

For sure, marriage an occasion to celebrate, but why waste enormous amounts of money on a celebration? It’s definitely not how our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) celebrated. In fact, wasting Allah’s bounties is something Allah has warned us against:

“But waste not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters.”(Quran, 6:141)

It can be difficult to swim against the tide of fancy and extravagant marriages, but surely, it’s worth swimming against the tides that go against Allah’s command and the example set by the Prophet (SAW).

Let’s save all that money and keep it for better uses. That money is sure to be in demand once the honeymoon is over and the actual daily routine sets in. If we do that with the right intention, we’ll end up saving money and at the same time, we’ll be adding to our good-deed account as well. After all, who can’t use some extra cash, some extra good deeds, and a greatly blessed marriage (since the most greatly blessed marriage is the one that lightest in expense)?

Allah subahanwa’tala said in Quran, Follow me and My Messanger if you love me, Allah will love you too! Why are we so hesitant and reluctant to follow what the greatest personality of this universe did?! Rather we blindly follow the stupid and pathetic traditions in our wedding ceremonies! The acts of Jahliya, the acts of  Shamelessness and the acts which leads to fitnah can never make your marriage successful and blessed!  Dont obey your culture or your desires, dont follow your society Rather obey and follow the Golden path shown by Allah and His prophet peace be upon him

:: For More Articles Related to marriage Click Here ::


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