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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The status of the family in Islam


Before we find out about the role of Islam in organizing and protecting the family, we should first find out what the situation of the family was before Islam, and what it is in the west in modern times.

Before Islam, the family was based on mistreatment and oppression. All affairs were controlled only by men or in other words, the males, and women and girls were oppressed and humiliated. An example of that is that if a man died and left behind a wife, his son by another wife had the right to marry her and control her life, or to prevent her from getting married. Men were the only ones who could inherit; women and children had no share. They viewed women, whether they were mothers, daughters or sisters, as a source of shame, because they could be taken as prisoners, thus bringing shame upon the family. Hence a man would bury his infant daughter alive, as is referred to in the Qur’aan, where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision” [al-Nahl 16:58]

The family in the broader sense, i.e., the tribe, was based on supporting one another in all things, even in wrongdoing.

When Islam came, it did away with all that and established justice, giving each person his or her rights, even nursing infants, and even the miscarried foetus who was to be respected and prayed for (i.e., given a proper funeral).

When you examine the family in the west today you will find that families are disintegrating and the parents cannot control their children, whether intellectually or morally. The son has the right to go wherever he wants and do whatever he wants; the daughter has the right to sit with whoever she wants and sleep with whoever she wants, all in the name of freedom and rights. And what is the result? Broken families, children born outside marriage, (elderly) mothers and fathers who are not looked after. As some wise men have said, if you want to know the true nature of these people, go to the prisons and the hospitals and seniors’ homes, for children do not remember their parents except on holidays and special occasions.

The point is that among non-Muslims the institution of family is destroyed. When Islam came it paid a great deal of attention to the establishment of  strong families and protecting them from things that could harm them, and preserving family ties whilst giving each member of the family an important role in life.

Islam honoured women, whether as mothers, daughters or sisters. It honoured women as mothers. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

A man came to the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, who among people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548)

Islam honours women as daughters. It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Whoever has three daughters or three sisters, or two daughters or two sisters, and takes good care of them and fears Allaah with regard to them, will enter Paradise.” (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 2/190)

And Islam honours women as wives. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 3895).

Islam gave women their rights of inheritance and other rights. It gave women rights like those of men in many spheres. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are the twin halves of men.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan, 236, from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 216).

Islam encourages men to treat their wives well, and gives women the freedom to choose their husbands; it gives women much of the responsibility for raising the children.

Islam gives fathers and mothers a great deal of responsibility for raising their children. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The man is the shepherd of his family and he is responsible for his flock. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. The servant is a shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said, I heard this from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)

Islam paid a great deal attention to implanting the principle of respect for fathers and mothers, taking care of them and obeying their commands until death. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23]

Islam protects the honour, chastity, purity and lineage of the family, so it encourages marriage and forbids free mixing of men and women.

Islam gives each family member an important role to play. So fathers and mothers take care of the children and give them an Islamic upbringing; children are to listen and obey, and respect the rights of fathers and mothers, on a basis of love and respect. Even our enemies have borne witness to the strength of family ties among the Muslims.

And Allaah knows best.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Islamic Marriage Rules


Islam provides essential ingredients for a man and woman to be married and to have sexual relations as man and wife. While there are many books on the subject which we recommend for all Muslims to read, we humbly offer the follow information about these ingredients, inshallah.

1. The first ingredient is the “wali” (nearest relative to the lady, such as her father or brother if the father is unable to perform the task) or “wakil” (imam or appointed guardian to act on behalf of the best interests of the lady). It is his job to help find and interview the background of any potential suitor for the lady.

2. After choosing the young man, there is an appointment scheduled for the two of them to meet (under chaperoned supervision) to discuss their possible future together.

3. After the initial meeting, both of them are to pray to Allah in the form of salat known as “salatul istakharah” for guidance. If this is not done, it does not invalidate the marriage, but it is something that will really help both of them in their future. Please refer to the subject of the “salatul istakharah.”

To know How to do Istikhara Click here ! 

4. If both of them recognized positive signs from the “salatul istakharah” then they would proceed to make the “nikah” (marriage contract). This again is done under supervision with two witnesses. It is usually attended by an imam or knowledgeable person in Islam, just so that there will be no mistakes in taking care of the details.

5. The mahr (dowry) is presented and the lady is asked if she is prepared to accept this mahr and be married to this man. This is usually repeated three times in front of the witnesses, but at least one acknowledgment from the lady is necessary to proceed.

6. The women would then sign the nikah document in front of the witnesses.

7. The witnesses (usually two) would sign and attest that they had been present at the nikah and did witness the acceptance by the lady of the offer of marriage by the man. The imam might also sign, but this does not affect the validity of the marriage. Any two adult Muslims may witness the document. In the case of women witnesses, it is correct to have two in place of one. If there were to be two witnesses, but one is a woman, then it would be correct to have a man and two women sign the document.

8. After the acceptance of the lady, the signing of the nikah (document), witnessing of the two witnesses and exchange of mahr, the man and the women are considered legal in Islam to live together and be together as man and wife and to have sex. However, until they actually consummate the marriage (i.e., have intercourse) they may cancel the marriage, and the mahr would be returned back to the man.

9. After the signing of the marriage document, and the acceptance of the bride of the ‘mahr’ (dowry), and the signing of the two witnesses, the groom is free to take his bride at anytime he chooses. There is no waiting, if that is what you are implying. As regards any kind of a deadline, this would be according to the contract. If the lady or the gentleman has specified that for whatever reasons, if they are not able to be living together by such and such a date, then the mahr could be returned back to the man and the woman and man would be considered not married (unless of course, if they had consummated the marriage by having sex together).

10. If the groom is unable or unwilling to take the bride after an extended period of time and she or he would like to annul the marriage, they would simply let the other person know and cause the mahr to be returned to the groom.

NOTE: This is all based on the fact that although they have a contract for marriage (nikah) it is not considered completed until after they consummate (have sex). Once that has happened, they are married and the only way for them to no longer be married would be through divorce (khulwa or lian or talaq).

And of course, Allah Knows Best.

Any good is from Allah the mistakes were from myself. May Allah guide all of us to His Truth, ameen.

:: Read MORE Articles Related to Marriage here ::

Marriage in Islam – Purpose and Virtues :: Special Article ! 

Wedding Ceremony In Islam – Customs, Rituals & Traditions


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