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Posts Tagged ‘Family and Friends


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The status of the family in Islam


Before we find out about the role of Islam in organizing and protecting the family, we should first find out what the situation of the family was before Islam, and what it is in the west in modern times.

Before Islam, the family was based on mistreatment and oppression. All affairs were controlled only by men or in other words, the males, and women and girls were oppressed and humiliated. An example of that is that if a man died and left behind a wife, his son by another wife had the right to marry her and control her life, or to prevent her from getting married. Men were the only ones who could inherit; women and children had no share. They viewed women, whether they were mothers, daughters or sisters, as a source of shame, because they could be taken as prisoners, thus bringing shame upon the family. Hence a man would bury his infant daughter alive, as is referred to in the Qur’aan, where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision” [al-Nahl 16:58]

The family in the broader sense, i.e., the tribe, was based on supporting one another in all things, even in wrongdoing.

When Islam came, it did away with all that and established justice, giving each person his or her rights, even nursing infants, and even the miscarried foetus who was to be respected and prayed for (i.e., given a proper funeral).

When you examine the family in the west today you will find that families are disintegrating and the parents cannot control their children, whether intellectually or morally. The son has the right to go wherever he wants and do whatever he wants; the daughter has the right to sit with whoever she wants and sleep with whoever she wants, all in the name of freedom and rights. And what is the result? Broken families, children born outside marriage, (elderly) mothers and fathers who are not looked after. As some wise men have said, if you want to know the true nature of these people, go to the prisons and the hospitals and seniors’ homes, for children do not remember their parents except on holidays and special occasions.

The point is that among non-Muslims the institution of family is destroyed. When Islam came it paid a great deal of attention to the establishment of  strong families and protecting them from things that could harm them, and preserving family ties whilst giving each member of the family an important role in life.

Islam honoured women, whether as mothers, daughters or sisters. It honoured women as mothers. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

A man came to the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, who among people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548)

Islam honours women as daughters. It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Whoever has three daughters or three sisters, or two daughters or two sisters, and takes good care of them and fears Allaah with regard to them, will enter Paradise.” (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 2/190)

And Islam honours women as wives. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 3895).

Islam gave women their rights of inheritance and other rights. It gave women rights like those of men in many spheres. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are the twin halves of men.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan, 236, from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 216).

Islam encourages men to treat their wives well, and gives women the freedom to choose their husbands; it gives women much of the responsibility for raising the children.

Islam gives fathers and mothers a great deal of responsibility for raising their children. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The man is the shepherd of his family and he is responsible for his flock. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. The servant is a shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said, I heard this from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)

Islam paid a great deal attention to implanting the principle of respect for fathers and mothers, taking care of them and obeying their commands until death. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23]

Islam protects the honour, chastity, purity and lineage of the family, so it encourages marriage and forbids free mixing of men and women.

Islam gives each family member an important role to play. So fathers and mothers take care of the children and give them an Islamic upbringing; children are to listen and obey, and respect the rights of fathers and mothers, on a basis of love and respect. Even our enemies have borne witness to the strength of family ties among the Muslims.

And Allaah knows best.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Favoritism Among Children….An Injustice Indeed


My brother is the only one in the house who gets any attention. He always gets everything he wants!” My Dad prefers our oldest sister to the rest of us. He always praises her, and no matter what good we do, he never appreciates it!

This is a common problem that we see today. And that is the problem of favoritism among children.

Parents may show their favoritism for many reasons. Favoritism could be shown to the oldest or the youngest. It could be a preference of a son over a daughter or the preference of a child more beautiful than the other or simply for no apparent reason at all.

Favoritism comes in many ways. It could be in the form of showing more affection to a child, or excessive praise of one to the neglect of others, giving gifts to one child only or giving better, more expensive gifts to one child in preference to others. It can even be favoritism by simply ignoring one child as compared to the others.

Islam condemns all kinds of biases and injustices and indeed, favoritism is a kind of injustice. A person is not being just if he shows favoritism.

Verily, Allah enjoins justice, and doing good, and giving (help) to kith and kin. (Qur’an, Surah an-Nahl:90)

Justice must be maintained in everything, even in how often we look at or speak to each of our children. The following Hadith shows us how important it is to avoid favoritism when dealing with our kids.

Nu’maan ibn Basheer said:

“My father gave me a gift of some of his wealth, but my mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah, said, ‘I will not approve of it until you ask the Messenger of Allah (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) to bear witness to it.’ So my father went to the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) to ask him to bear witness to the gift. The Messenger of Allah (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said to him, ‘Have you done the same for all of your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Fear Allah and treat your children justly.’ So my father came back and took back that gift.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

In fact, it is one of the rights of our children that we treat them equally. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you. (Abu Dawoud)

And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) also said:

Do justice among your sons (kids), and repeated it thrice. (Muslim)

Why is it wrong??

Showing favoritism is wrong no matter how you look at it. It is injustice to the child who is being neglected, it is injustice to the one who is being preferred over the other and it is even injustice to the parent showing the favoritism in the first place.

Showing preferential treatment to one child over the other siblings nurtures a kind of jealousy and even hatred in the heart of the one being neglected. And as the experts tell us, this may lead to various psychological and social problems that can last well into adolescence and adulthood. While the one who is always preferred and praised over the other may think he/she is somehow superior or better than others and lead him/her to being arrogant and spoiled. And surely that is not fulfilling our responsibility in raising our children in accordance with the way Islam requires us to raise and educate our kids.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

There is no person to whom Allah has given responsibility and dies neglecting that responsibility, but Allah will deny him Paradise . (Muslim)

The parent who is showing this favoritism is not being just to himself either since he is supposed to be fair to all his children and is answerable to Allah as to how he treated his family. By showing favoritism, he/she is being sinful and not fulfilling his/her duty as a parent according to the teachings of Islam.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock…..A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them……Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Are you one of them?

Many mothers and fathers who show preferential treatment to some of their children do so without realizing it. They do so unconsciously and if asked about preferring one child over the other, they will immediately deny it. However, since it is a matter about which one will have to answer to Allah one day, each of us parent has to sincerely look deep into our soul to see if we are guilty of this injustice.

O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones… (Qur’an, Surah al-Tahreem:6)

Therefore, the Muslim parent is the one who fears Allah in his dealings with his children, one who is just in his speech and judgments. His sayings, actions and dealings with his children are based upon justice with no degree of discrimination or preference.

The just will be with Allah on thrones of light ….those who are just in their rulings and are fair with their families and those of whom they are in charge.(Muslim)

How to Avoid Showing Favoritism Among Children

Favoritism in the family is a big concern. When a certain sibling is singled out as a favorite. This can cause resentment and feeling of rejection, among the other siblings. Sometimes you may have shown favoritism, without even recognizing it. Outlined in my article, you will find, the types of favoritism and how to avoid them.

Instructions

Things You will Need:

  • Accepting that you are wrong.
  • Willingness to stop favoritism.

1      Favoritism:

Showing favoritism, to one child over the other, can leave your child feeling neglected and unwanted. Show equal attention to each sibling. It may be hard, if a child is unruly, but most times the child is just crying out for more attention.

2      Buying gifts for one and not the other:

This may sound trivial, but in the mind of a child it is not. A child can grow up resenting his parents for showing his sibling preference over him. Indulge the other sibling in the joy of receiving a gift.

3      Spoken words:

Be careful of the words that you say to your child. Certain words can leave your child feeling worthless and can even lead to suicidal thoughts. Remember that once a word is left from your lips, there is no way that you can take it back.

4      Achievements:

If your child achieved something, give him the praises that he deserves. Children are sensitive, he will notice, if you are giving all the praises to his sibling.

5      Comparison:

Comparing your child to his sibling, can cause a buildup of resentment. It also can cause low self-esteem issues further, in life. Every child is born with his own personality and traits, accept him for who he is.

6      Scolding:

Avoid sparing one child from a scolding, while giving the other a scolding. This would not be fair to your child. Everyone should be scolded fairly.

7      Raising your children in a home free of favoritism, is best for the whole family.

A home with a loving environment, and free of favoritism, will produce adults with less psychological issues.

Tips & Warnings

  • Show your children equal love, in the home.
  • Giving one child his favorite treat and denying the other child can leave your child feeling, less special. Share equally.
  • Don’t spend more time with one child and less with the other.
  • Avoid showing constant admiration for only one child.
By Asma bint Shameem

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

True Forgiveness


We have all been in situations where someone,

usually someone we hold near and dear, has committed a wrong against us. As much as we want to move forward, we are often held back due to our inability to let go of the wrong, the injury and the injustice. Umm Thameenah bint Luqman searches deep to discover the essence of forgiveness.

I always thought of myself as thetype of sister that found it difficult to hold a grudge. I have had my share of falling-outs. disputes, even confrontation in the past. With some, I made my feelings apparent with others I either shrugged it off or hid my feelings and made excuses for them. In general though, I have found it easier to overlook things and simply utter “I fogive you” than to face an uncomfortable apology from someone.

However, a year ago, I found myself questioning my claim of being able to forgive easily, I faced a situation that was emotionally painful, not only because of the hurt and sadness it caused but also because those involved were people whom I considered dear to me I realised that I had a choice: I could either hold on to the situation and continue to experience the resentment and sorrow, or I could forgive and let go. I chose to let go.

But, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I found myself recalling the incident over and over again in my mind “I haven’t been able to forgive them, have I?” I question my self “Subhan Allah, I still hold a grudge against them.”  found myself questioning my relationship with them, and I found that the solid foundation of trust that we had built over years  has been shattered with one thoughtless action. As much as I tried to forgive and to forget, remembering the incident brought intense sadness and tears that continued to hinder my progress.

Hostage to the past


Most of us have been in a similar position. We  recognise the pattern of behaviour in ourselves that we would lke to change, but we often feel powerless to do so. Everything  we try sems to lead nowhere. However, if we probe deeper  into the source of this behaviour, we can often link it to some past event or experience in our lives. In some cases, it is the result of a single traumatic of emotional, mental or physical abuse that has occured over n extended period of time.

As difficult as the situation is, overcoming it with sincere forgiveness is trully a blessing from ALLAH [SWT]. If we are unable to release the baggage we carry as a result of past experiences. we remain stuck, continuing to allow these experiences to shape our future in ways that are not always healthy, often creating unforeseen pain and suffering for us and those around us.


Finding the ability to forgive


To forgive someone does not mean that whatever harm or hurt the caused becomes insignificant. It is a process that begins in the heart and filters through our souls, ultimately creating an immeasurable release of burden for the one wronged and wrongdoer.

Forgiving by accepting responsibility. Yes, other may have done things that have hurt or harmed us, and they are responsible for those actions. But such individuals are not responsible for how we live the rest of our lives; we are responsible for that. How we respond to these past events and what we carry into our present and our future is entirely up to us and no one else. If we allow the past to negatively affect how we live the rest of our lives through the choices we make, our friendship, our relatonships and our behaviour with others, then that remains our choice and responsibility, not that of the one who committed wrong. Once we understand this, only then will we grant ourselves the opportunity to implement the beautiful process of forgiveness, by freeing ourselves from the burden of pain, anger and resentment, inshaALLAH.


Forgiving by releasing.

Forgiveness is about releasing ourselves from those self-imposed limitations and self-defeating behaviour patterns that tie us to the past  in negative ways.  Forgiveness is releasing our anger, fear, pain, and resentment and opening our heart to joy, peace and love.  It means that I will no longer allow the past to have a hold on to my life today; that  I am willing to release the hurt and pain; that I no longer wish to be tied to the experience or the person connected to the experience in a negative way; that I simply wish to be free.


Forgiving by moving on.

Does forgieness equal welcoming the person back into your life? Sometimes, to do so would be to take the high road, and that would be asource of khayr. However, there are times when it is neither wise nor prudent to do so. In the Qur’an Allah [swt] informs us of the permissibility of seeking recompense from one that has wronged us. However, we are also told that to forgive is better than to seek revenge.True forgiveness does not always necessitate the complete forgetting of a situation, despite the common misconception that we should “Forgive and Forget”  as though the incident never took place. However, you do not want to go around carrying the heavy burden of being bitter and resentful for the rest of your life either. Once you learn that if you touch a hot stove you can get burnt, you are not likely to do it again. You learn somthing from the experience: to exercise more caution while working around a hot stove, thus you do not blame the stove for being hot. It is what it is. And neither do you go around, for years, holding onto a grudge against the stove because you got burnt. This is the same for individuals that have wronged us. We are able to benefit from the situation by learning from the experience and moving on, as opposed to allowing the situation to control our lives.


Returning to ALLAH {SWT}


A dear sister once told me, “We are a nation of believer, hoping to attain the forgiveness of our Lord. Most High, whilst failing to attain the forgiveness of our fellow beings.”

For me, learning to forgive meant taking ownership of my own situation. Though I sometimes struggle to do so. I make a habit of beseeching my Lord to forgive all who have wronged me.. and to forgive me, for having ever harboured the inability to let go of what I claimed to have forgiven. As I recline each night, I attemp to cleanse my heart of every kind of ill-feeling, upset and hurt that I have been harbouring, I attemp to empty it completely, to forgive and make excuses, whilst turning to my Beloved, Most High, in need of HIS Forgiveness.

“Oh Allah! Forgive us, and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith, and put not in our hearts any hatred against  those who have believed. Oh Allah! YOU are indeed Full of Kindness, Most Merciful.” (Al-Hashr:10)

For those that have ever wronged me intentionally, unintentionally, with or without my knowledge, accept from me the best of all gifts-my forgiveness wrapped in a heartfelt du’a . With this, insha Allah, we shall walk hand-in-hand through the blessed gates of Paradise. With this inshaAllah, we shall not be held back to reconcile our worldly disputes. And With this, inshaAllah, I have freed my soul and yours, by letting go of any past wrong ever commited.

And for those that I have wronged, I pray, as taught by the Prophet (S.A.W.); “Oh ALLAH, whomever of the believers I have abused, give him the reward of a sacrificial slaughter for it on the Day of Resurrection.” [Al-Bhukari].



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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Responsibilities of the Husband in Islam


Q: I have frequently read what, according to Islamic teachings, a husband may or may not do in a dispute with his wife if he attributes it to disagreement with or misbehavior of his wife. I almost never read anything about the opposite situation: if the wife has a disagreement with her husband or *he* misbehaves. Things are nearly always told from the man’s point of view! What are the wife’s rights in the case of bad behavior of her husband?

A:

Praise belongs to Allah the Lord of all the worlds. Blessings and Peace on the Messenger of Allah, and on his Family and all his Companions.

Allah ordered the believers to “consort with women in kindness” (4:19) and He said: “And of His signs are this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect” (30:21).

A Wife’s Basic Rights Regarding Her Husband’s Behavior

NOTE: This is distinct from her other rights regarding living expenditures, housing, clothing, and education of children. And from Allah comes all success.

1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to “keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.” This is an order of the Prophet [salla Allahu `alayhi wa alihi wa sallam, abbr. (s)] according to the hadith: “ahaqqu al-shuruti an tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj”

2. He cannot order her to do anything that is against religion. The Prophet (s) said: “No obedience is due to creatures in disobedience of the Creator” (la ta`atan li makhluqin fi ma`siyat al-khaliq).

3. He must exercise patience and be prepared to listen to her advice in every situation. The Prophet (s) listened to the advice of his wives in matters ranging from the smallest to the greatest.

4. If she invites him to wake up and perform the late night prayer, it is praiseworthy for him to do so and vice-versa. The Prophet (s) prayed for such people: “May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”

5. He must respect her and pay attention to her needs so that she will respect him and pay attention to his.

6. He must control his passions and act in a moderate manner especially in the context of sexual intercourse. Remember that Allah has placed between you and her “friendship and mercy” (mawadda wa rahma), not the gratification of your every lust; and that the Prophet (s) advised young men to marry “because it casts down the gaze and walls up the genitals,” not in order to stimulate sexual passions. The husband should habitually seek refuge in Allah before approaching his wife and say: “O Allah, ward off the satan from us and ward him off from what you have bestowed upon us in the way of children” (allahumma jannibna al-shaytana wa jannibhu ma razaqtana). Allah has called each spouse a garment for the other (2:187), and the purpose of garments is decency. The Prophet (s) further said that he who marries for the sake of decency and modesty (`afaf), Allah has enjoined upon Himself to help him.

7. He must never ever divulge the secrets of the household and those of the married couple.

8. He must strive with sincerity to acquire her trust, and seek her welfare in all the actions that pertain to her.

9. He must treat her generously at all times. The Prophet (s) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one’s wife.

10. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife’s duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband’s duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.

11. He must avoid excessive jealousy and remember that Allah is also jealous that he himself not commit. The Prophet (s) said: “Do not be excessively jealous of your wife lest evil be hurled at her on your account” (la tukthir al-gheerata `ala ahlika fa turama bi al-su’i min ajlik) and he said: “Allah is jealous and the believer is jealous; and Allah’s jealousy is that the believer should not go to that which Allah has forbidden for him” (inna Allaha yagharu wa al- mu’minu yagharu wa gheerat Allahi in ya’tiya al-mu’minu ma harrama `alayhi).

12. He must protect her honor and not place her in situations where it is compromised or belittled. The Prophet (s) said that Allah will not ever let him enter Paradise who cares little who shares his wife’s privacy. This includes the husband’s brother, uncle, and nephew, let alone non-related friends, neighbors, and complete strangers.

13. He must exercise patience and forgiveness in the case of disagreement or dispute, and not rush to divorce. The declaration of divorce is a grave matter indeed, and the Prophet (s) said: “Of permitted matters the most loathesome before Allah is divorce” (abgh`ad al-halal `ind Allah al-talaq). In another hadith he said that divorce is so grave that because of it Allah’s throne is made to shake. He said: “The best intercession [i.e. intervention of a third party] is that which brings back together the husband and the wife.” Womanizing — divorce for the purpose of marrying another woman out of sexual attraction incurs Allah’s curse according to the hadith: “Allah’s curse is on the womanizing, divorcing man” (la`ana Allahu kulla dhawwaaqin mutallaaq). Finally, even in the midst of and after divorce, Allah has prescribed kindness upon the man: “(After pronouncing divorce) she must be retained in honor or released in kindness” (2:228).

For the above-mentioned reason (i.e. to prevent the quickness of divorce), in his time, Ibn Taymiyya gave the ijtihad (juridical opinion) by saying that three talaqs in one sitting constituted only one. He did this to interdict the prevalent custom of suddenly giving three talaqs, which in his time was on everyone’s lips, (i.e. had become so commonplace as to be a habit). However the other four schools of fiqh had the opposite opinion in this matter.

14. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes.

15. The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent. Allah said: “Turn not away (from your wife) altogether, so as to leave her hanging. If you come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Merciful” (4:129). Protracted separation (6 months or more in the Shafi`i school) without prior or subsequent arrangement with the wife, whether the husband is away willingly or unwillingly (for example due to war, imprisonment, or illness) is sufficient grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.

16. The Prophet (s) said: “Do not beat your wife.” He also said: “Do not strike your wife in the face.” The expiation for striking one’s slave in the face is to set him or her free on the spot, but what expiation is there for striking one’s wife? The Prophet (s) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.

17. Caring for one’s wife’s sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (s) warned against rushing to gratify one’s pleasure and forgetting that of one’s wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.


Conclusion

These are only some of the basic duties of the husband in Islam for Wife and Family. The state of marriage is part of one’s adherence to the Sunna and an exalted state of life indeed. In the words of the Prophet (s), it permits one to meet Allah “pure and cleansed” (tahiran mutahharan). One’s behavior towards one’s wife is the measure of the perfection of one’s belief as the Prophet (s) said: “The most complete of the believers in his belief is he who perfects his manners, and the best of you in manners are those who act best towards their wives.” Marriage must be approached with utmost seriousness, entered with the purest intent, and cultivated religiously as it does not come cheaply and it carries immense reward. The Prophet (s) called it “his way” (al-nikahu sunnati) and “half of religion” and he also said: “Two rak`at (prayer-cycles) of the married person are better than seventy rak`at of the unmarried.” He also warned that among the greatest of responsibilities that had been placed upon men is that pertaining to the treatment of their wives.

And may Allah’s blessings and peace be upon Muhammad,
his Family and all his Companions,
and praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Dr. G. F. Haddad
Damascus

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

How to Make your Husband Happy

Below are the Few Rules to Make Your Husband happy,Overall means haveing Happy Family life.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting

o Meet him with a cheerful face.
o Beautify and perfume yourself
o Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
o Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
o Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

o For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

o Taking good care of your body and fitness
o Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes
o Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells
o Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
o Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo
o Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
o Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time
o However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

o Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
o Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
o Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
o Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
o Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted

o You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
o You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you
o You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

o You should not consider this world as your hope and interest
o You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things
o Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
o Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

o By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
o The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
o The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?

8. Devotion and Loyalty

o In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
o Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

o In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
o In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

o First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
o But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you were right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.

3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened?
2) I must know what made you so angry.
3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

o Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations
o Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know
o Take care of the house and children
o Take care of his money and properties
o Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab
o Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
o Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
o Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

o You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents
o You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives
o You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
o Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
o Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
o Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.

13. Admirable Jealousy

o Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
o You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

o Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
o When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
o When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
o When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da’wah and Jihad

o Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.

* Encourage him to pray at night.
o Listen and reciting the Qur’an individually and with your husband.
o Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
o Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
o Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
o Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners (‘adab) for women.
o Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
o Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah.
o Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.

15. Good Housekeeping

o Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
o Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
o Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
o Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
o Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

16. Preservation of Finances and the Family

o Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
o Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
o Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

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