A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing with Boys
Posted December 16, 2011
on:- In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam
- 35 Comments
A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing with Boys
As salamu aleycum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from one sister to another, is a Muslim girl’s guide for how to deal with guys.
No Touching: Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents) person of the opposite gender.
That means no patting on the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that. If you’re in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, “My people don’t shake hands” and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman’s touch is a privilege and she doesn’t just share it with anyone.
No Flirting: Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you’re saying or doing things on purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There’s no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knows what is and how to do it.
Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and only judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude once said, “Don’t start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass”.
If you don’t want a guy’s advances, then don’t do anything to earn them. There’s no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really only want to marry one guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn’t going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.
No Boyfriends: As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is haraam because it counts as Zina – fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means `sexual sin’. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs [sexually transmitted disease], using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution.
You can’t even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then “date” to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren’t allowed to be alone together (that includes talking on the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or even gaze at each other. It doesn’t matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can’t date him.
No Boy—friends: The easiest way to ensure that you don’t end up falling in love with some guy before you’re ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn’t mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you’re not ready for marriage, your parents aren’t ready to let you get married, you’re still in school/college and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with the opposite sex in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation.
When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it’s best to maintain a distance. That means that you don’t confide in them, you don’t let down your guard, you don’t unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, don’t joke around, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we’re talking about.
So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. Once that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship.
Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard on cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think only a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.
No Talking on the Phone with Boys: In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no one there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it’s also a safe bet to assume that talking on the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you’ve both got it on speaker-phone and you’re chaperoned by a responsible person, then you’re still kind of “alone” with him.
The people in your house can’t hear what he’s saying to you, and his family can’t hear what you’re saying to him. There’s a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no one else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it’s just too intimate.
Work place: Even in work place keep a distance with the opposite sex, discuss only about the work not more than that, more importantly keep distance, dont involve yourself in lot of giggling etc. When a female smiles it gives the space for a man to come closer for those who have a disease of bad intentions. Always prevention is better than cure.
Be Disaffected: What does that mean? Disaffected means un-affect-able. That means that nothing a dude can say can hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down on the scenery below.
You’re a little interested in what’s going on down there, and it may look really nice, but you know that to get to the scenery you have to jump off the plane. Like the scenery miles below you, the guy may look really nice, but you know that to get him you have to jump off the plane …errr…commit spiritual suicide, and though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground 600 meters below and go -splat– on Judgment Day. Maybe even sooner.
Short of becoming an ice-princess, being disaffected involves putting up a mental wall between you and all of male-kind. They don’t know your thoughts and you don’t care for theirs. You can interact with guys at school/college within the bounds of Islam, but always maintain a formal distance.
Don’t ask a guy how his infected toe is doing. Don’t give him a hug when he looks down. Don’t offer to help him with his homework. Don’t go out of your way to remind him that you exist, and that you’re not half bad looking. Even if you don’t feel like behaving, make yourself behave anyway, your afterlife is important enough to discipline yourself for.
The safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this “He’s not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That’ll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it’s not worth the sin anyhow.”
Remember that you’re always being watched! Would you act all giggly and stupid with boys if the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) could see you?
No, right? Because you’d feel like an ungrateful idiot for disregarding the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) took so much pain for just to deliver to you. Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when Allah can see you all the time, and it’s really stupid to disregard the religion that Allah prescribed, the favors He’s bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes that Allah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it!
You have no secrets! Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain on the Day of Judgment, and you’ll be brought to trial to defend what you did.
Just don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your friends, and the whole world to know about, ok?
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35 Responses to "A Muslim Girl’s Guide For Dealing with Boys"
@Aldo
1) I suggest you study Quranic exegesis with an open mind and willingness to seek the Truth, even if you claim Islam is not the Truth. You should not study the Quran with a mindset that Islam is false. Instead, if you love and want to know the Truth, study the Quran with an open heart, a heart that is not set on thinking that Islam is false. You are just in denial, that is why you are not intent in searching for the Truth, even if in your heart, you know Islam is the Truth. Just study the Quran with an open heart and clear mind and want for the Truth. May Allah grant you guidance and have mercy on you.
2) Islam DOES NOT promote violence. Those who are violent are just Muslims who had strayed(only Allah can deem a person a non-Muslim, unless you hear clearly from the person’s mouth claiming to not be a Muslim even if they act like non-Muslims, as you never know what is in their hearts.). What they are doing is NOT part of Islam.
3) “By the way, I belive that man created gods not the other way round.”
You mean to say that if God does not control you. Then, you can predict when your heart will stop. You think you can command your heart to stop, or not to stop. But maybe you think you are immortal. What if you are involved in an accident, and you have a heart attack. Can you order your heart to function properly again then? According to you, life is merely to enjoy, there is nothing after life. Don’t you think there is more to life? You are given birth(Did you predict which date you were born when you were in the womb?), grow up, enjoy, then you die. It is the same as not having a job. You wake up in the morning, enjoy yourself at the beach/pub etc., come back home late at night, and sleep. In the end, you will fail. You won’t have anymore money, you loan from the bank, and in the end, you get bankrupt. You will be very regretful. Same as life in this world. If you just enjoy yourself here, than in the hereafter, you will suffer.
*If you have a job, you earn money etc., don’t tell me you’ll take your money with you when you die. There is always a purpose in everything. There must be a purpose why we are sent to this world, or according to you, why you created God. You would say you created God to sustain you, to provide for you, or whatever reason you have. (I would really love to hear your reason). If you are as powerful as to create God, why can’t you just sustain yourself?
4) You said that there is no proof that the hereafter exists. Do you have any proof that it doesn’t? Has any dead person approached you and tell you that there is no hereafter? Inform me if there is.
I ask sincerely from Allah to guide you in finding the Truth, embracing it and acting upon it. I pray Allah will open your heart. This is a sincere prayer for a human for another human so that he can gain peace of heart, mind and soul.
May Allah grant you Guidance and Peace in both worlds.
Wassalaam InshaAllah
Note to other reply-ers to Aldo: It does not mean you can call him an idiot, call him names, just because he did so to you and to Islam. We should follow Our Prophet’s pbuh example. The people of Taif threw stones at him,humiliated the Prophet of Allah, and when Jibreel sought his permission to crush them between the mountains, he refused and instead, prayed for them to receive guidance. and also this hadith:
Narrated `Aisha:
The Jews used to greet the Prophet by saying, “As-Samu ‘Alaika (i.e., death be upon you), so I understood what they said, and I said to them, “As-Samu ‘alaikum wal-la’na (i.e. Death and Allah’s Curse be upon you).” The Prophet said, “Be gentle and calm, O `Aisha, as Allah likes gentleness in all affairs.” I said, “O Allah’s Prophet! Didn’t you hear what they said?” He said, “Didn’t you hear me answering them back by saying, ‘Alaikum (i.e., the same be upon you)?”
Sahih al-Bukhari
Sunnah.com reference: Book 80, Hadith 90
English reference: Vol. 8, Book 75, Hadith 404
Arabic reference: Book 80, Hadith 6468
Just want to share an interesting story i read, even though it has no link to the topic discussed.
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/society/dawah/two-words/
Wassalaam
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Aldo,
1. Islam is the TRUTH.
2. You dont have proper knowledge of Islam. So study the Quran, learn from a Islamic scholar and this website and http://www.islamqa.com
3. Islam does not permit killing of a single creature. Bush and Clinton and ur dear USA killed thousands of innocent children, women, men and raped. ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT? Think and tell. IS CHRISTIANITY RESPONSIBLE for the decades of killings by USA in Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam, and Japan?
4. You have lost your senses. So regain it by proper study. Remember American men are women are the fastest in accepting Islam in America. Mark my word, IN UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Who is taking your lies? You are the most uncivilized, uneducated person i came across in many days. You are an idiot: i didnt say you are an idiot, you have used words and lies (stating them as facts) and proved your idiocy. So you are welcome to a Muslim psychologist. He will understand your anger and lack of knowledge about earth, culture and religion.
5. Read HISTORY properly before opening your mouth. The more you open your mouth, more u prove how some people are being lunatic.
6. Do u support bombing in Iraq and Afghanistan? Then do u support if you are bombed at your home? Do ur life and life of an iraqi or afghan or a vietnami different? Think. Dont spread hate. Get the facts, please. Islam welcomes you. Islam does not hate you. I hate your lies. Say truth and you are welcome.
Spend a few hundred dollars, dear to treat yourself. If you cant afford, then you are welcome to come to any mosque in the world and ask the Imam or any good scholar. GET ENLIGHTENED. GET THE TRUTH. SAVE YOUR LIFE, this life and your future life.
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Hey Doc,
Firstly I would not join your cult for all the money in the world.
I have read the quran and have deduced that unless one is a muslim he/she is going to “hellfire”. (Can you tell me where hellfire is and proof that it exists??)
I have also recorded many times the facts that the quran is nothing but a load of crap where more than 60% is about hatred towards non muslims.and so many inaccuracies that anybody with half a brain can see it. Unfortunately brainwashed idiots like you cannot see outside your closed, blinkered, addled, moronic brain.
As for bombings in Iraq & Afganistan, your moron America did not attack those countries until after 9/11. You guys woke up a sleeping giant.
Also some idiot mentioned in another blog that America dropped atom bombs on Japan. Mate who started it all by bombing Pearl Harbour and drew America into ww2??
Suggest you get your facts straight,
I also would not live in an islamic country for all the tea in China.
Islam is NOT THE TRUTH, Islam is a cult of hatred towards non muslims, it is restrictive, takes away peoples liberties, forces people to pray 5 times daily so that they do not stray from the cult. Incidently my wife worked in Soudi Arabia and she was not even allowed to bring her rosary beads her late mother gave her or a cross into the country.(no compulsion of religion…yehh right!!!)
I am lucky that I was not born into pisslam. I have freedom, I have choices, I can eat and drink what I like when I like, I can even see scantly dressed women without a thought about raping them (unlike muslim men) I dont have to eat between dawn & dusk during another your weird wierd cult tradition of ramadan, what a joke don’t eat during the day but its ok at night??? I can say merry Chrismas, Happy new year, happy Valentines day, and even practice helloween. Its called freedom pal, something you don’t have. I can eat meat that is not butchered in the barbaric inhumane way, just to please a self ordained “prophet”. I cannot understand why anyone would take the word of a pedophile, murderer, sex addict illiterate etc. as being a prophet!!!
Mate, I don’t have any chains binding me, unlike you. I suggest that YOU get out of Pisslam and feel the freedom.
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Hey Mr. Big Mouth Aldo,
What Dr. Abdul Basir said is true and you need to respect your self along with others, and watch what you say. And I suggest YOU revert to Islam and mind your language. This website must have security from evil people like you. VERILY YOU WILL COME TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and your the big mouth!!!!!!
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Maryam,
The only evil people on this planet are brainwashed muslims.
Besides, all I needed to know about islam I learnt on 9/11, 7/7, Bali bombings and thousands of suicide attacks on people going about their business almost on a daily basis, killing of apostates and other acts of cruelty, even towards animals that provide food to you clowns.
Lady I am free to write on this page just as much as you are, after all “there is no compulsion in religion” according to your pedophile prophet.
Lady the only “big mouths” are the idiotic imams and mullahs that continue to spead hatred towards non muslims.
You idiots don’t even know what part of pisslams to follow (shia or sunni).Seems that now sunnis are killing shia in some parts of the middle east. In Syria muslims are killing muslims!!!
SOME RELIGION YOU GOT THERE. Lady it is YOU who should join the real world.
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Aldo,
(before i start i would like to say you should read the Quran because it doesn’t seen like you have and maybe talk to a good muslim to tell you a little(or a bunch) about islam and think about converting and if you don’t want to at least don’t be mean and talk stuff about muslims on a muslim site i mean that’s not right)
Just stop, the fact that your coming an a MUSLIM web site and saying all this means you could be insecure about your religion and trying to put us down, well that won’t work it might just have the opposite effect. So some day in the future Islam will be the #1 Religion in the WORLD and show all of you ignorant people
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i want to end my relationship with my boyfriend but at the same time i don’t want to hurt his feeling at the same time. i need help. what the the appropriate things to say.
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Sister,
I can understand how you don’t want to hurt his feelings. Assuming you are really serious with him, then what you may do depends on how much ready you are for your marriage.
1. If you are ready for marriage or are nearing that age, then talk to your parents and tell about him to them so you can be in a halal relation by being married.
2. If you are still a teen and maybe in your school or college, then maybe you should talk to him about it, however you can contact him. Tell him that relationships are haraam. Tell him that the real goal of life if not to please eachother but to please Allah swt! That you are trying to save yourself and him from the hell fire. Ask him if he would want to be in Jannah with you, and then explain how short this life is and its only an exam from our Lord.
Allah loves us the most, more than any body else. And should’nt we be loving him too? Thats True Love! Part of loving Him is to obey Him and do things that please Him. And if He has said relationships are haraam, then we must say as the quran says about pious muslims, ‘we hear and we obey’.
To have a happy and successful married life, one must start working on purifying him/herself from now. As the quran says, ‘The Good women are for the good men. And the good men are for good women.’
I am sure everyone wants a good spouse. So for that we need to make ourselves good.
Sister, he may or may not like what you tell him, but you have to do this. To show Allah that you love him more, more than your boyfriend. To show him that you don’t want to hurt Allah, your Creator by disobeying him, more than your boyfriend.
Anyways, before you tell him all this, supplicate to Allah and ask his help to do this, so that your boyfriend may also get guidance.
May Allah make it easy for you.
May Allah forgive me for anything wrong I may have said. For verily, whatever good was there in this was from Allah. and whatever evil was from myself.
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“Don’t ask a guy how his infected toe is doing.” Seriously? It’s like I’m talking to a Haraaammm police.
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but wat if we like the person…fall in love….get married to the same person,,,,,iss tht ok,,,,,,as i felll in love with my class m,ate and allhamdulilha,,,we r married with mashallh,,,two,,,,kids
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1 | Craig
February 26, 2013 at 4:11 am
Is it not the case that Islam is much more than a religion – some would say a social system? This is proven where religion takes over certain geogrpahic western cities/districts with mono culturalism.
To say Islam is the truth is laughable. No religion can have the PROVEN trut as there is no conclusive evidence of any god!!! No matter how powerfully you believe It is ultimately a BELIEF which is then interpreted and preached. Some would therefore say religion is something of a self fulfilling prophecy. There is no conclusive evidence for any religion let alone Islam.
That said I agree with parts of your religion and the principals behind certain things – e.g. I agree with the general comcept of arranged marriage for example. The said the reality though of a religion that is backward towards women is that many of your own women are trapped and raped inside arranged marriages. However, putting that aside, with men allowed multiple wives, this is simply a legalisation of having what the west classify as extra marital affairs.
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