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Top Recovery Ways for a Broken Heart !

Posted on: April 27, 2009


Interesting Article,Shared with me by a Friend……

I probably sound like one of those writers with novels claiming to have found a wondrous miracle that could be all yours for only $10.99. Just for the record, I’m not going to be one of those writers, tonight. Human relationships are complex as it is without throwing in a breakup. It can be a breakup with your friend, brother, daughter, husband, wife or business partner. Whichever one it is, breakups take time to heal. So for your eyes only, I will reveal the seven phases that a person may go through when a relationship ends. Get comfortable, and for those still hurting, have some tissues on standby.

From my own personal experiences, I believe that once you break up with your best friend or grandfather even, you are suddenly sucked into a circle, a whirlpool even, where you meet each of the seven phases until you can hopefully get out of the whirlpool with your wounds finally healed. Of course everyone has their own experience and this is mine to share. For the sake of simplicity, we’ll take the example of Sara, who is in a relationship that is nearing its end. Whilst in the whirlpool, a person may go back a phase, which is perfectly normal and means they still have some healing to do.

THE RECOVERY PROCESS

STAGE 1: DENIAL

Sara does not believe and will not believe that her friend is no good for her. As a human it is normal to fear loss, which is why sometimes many of us stick to the same person or same routine because it is safe and reliable, even if it is hurting you and causing you to stay stuck in a rut. No matter how many people advise Sara to let go of this friendship that is sucking the life out of her, she refuses to. She is in denial to assess the real situation of her friendship. But not for long.

STAGE 2: BLAME & LOSS

Time is a great friend to many of us. With time, people’s flaws start to show and the recipient does not stay so patient as before. A few months later Sara starts to decide for herself that her friend is actually no good for her and this is when the friendship officially breaks up. In the place of the friendship she had for so long, she now feels loss, which hurts like crazy. And so the blaming begins. Sara blames her friend for being a user. Sara blames herself for being so gullible. Sara blames the world if need be, while grieving over the loss of something that she thought would always be true and beautiful.

STAGE 3: ACCEPTANCE

Sara starts to accept what has happened and the blaming decreases. The feeling of loss is still there, but it does not hurt as much. She believes this happened for a reason and starts to assess the situation logically.

STAGE 4: RE-BOUND

Meet Sara’s new friend, the re-bound subject, Hannah. Though she has accepted what has happened to be fate, Sara wants to replace that feeling of loss immediately. This may cause her to make some rash decisions on choosing future friends and she will definitely wake up with a friendship-hang-over if she is not careful.

STAGE 5: GUILT & NO TRUST

Over with the re-bound phase, Sara starts to feel guilty. Guilty over having a re-bound phase, feeling guilty because she told her ex-friend so many things she shouldn’t have said, guilty because she thinks she could have handled the situation a lot better.

With the guilt comes the sense of not being able to trust anyone. Sara has been hurt and feels wary when approaching new relationships, scared that the same whirlpool will come suck her into a breakup. She is still hurting and needs time alone to heal her wounds so that she is fully prepared for a new relationship.

STAGE 6: HEALING

This may take a few weeks to a few months, lasting a year if the initial damage was quite bad. The healing stage gives Sara plenty of time to forgive those who let her down, to forgive herself. Without interruptions from new relationships, Sara needs to focus on her own personal development, both spiritually, mentally and physically. Sara needs to regain her confidence and love herself again. She needs to be able to trust herself and not fear her own decision making. She also needs to know that she is worth so much more than getting herself into lousy relationships. She values her self-worth and makes a pact to be true to herself always.

STAGE 7: MOVING ON

The final phase happens when Sara feels she is over the hurt of the past. She can look at it with her mind and not her heart and emotions. She is well and truly over it and understands it was a hard lesson she had to take which has passed. She is now ready to move on into the future whilst bearing in mind the lessons she learnt so as not to repeat any mistakes. Sara has recovered and knows if she ever saw her ex-friends she will treat them with indifference because they cannot hurt her anymore. The past is in the past now. And the future is bright.

Until the next whirlpool sweeps her away, but hopefully that won’t happen for a long time. What can I say? Relationship breakups are a given; welcome to the human condition.

28 Responses to "Top Recovery Ways for a Broken Heart !"

i also have been cheated by a latvian girl who had past relationships, when we met she said she is over with her past after we had been together over distant relation for 9 months. we decided to get engaged, few days later i found out she was secretly seeing her ex behind me. when i confronted her she simply stoped talking and accused me and framed me as a bad person. i truly loved her and i have been going thru this unbarable pain since aug.2013. i want to move on but i simply cant. i pray to allah so he may give me strength and heal my heart and make me a better person. i learned lesson never to love anyone that much.

Liked by 1 person

Hi brotherz n sisterz. iv bin in a relationshp for 3 yearz, my ex woz juz so insecure n doubting, dat he wudnt let me du anyfin wiv owt informing hm. i bin ryt wiv him, we went 2 da extentz ov getn maried n got famliez involvd. but my fam didnt acept hm. he haz angr problmz n beatz me up. so recently i found owt dat he bin cheatn on me, so i startd talkin 2 sum1 elz. i neva did anyfin or met da guy. but he acuzd me ov evrifin unda da sun. he takez coke, drugz, partiez, and i hate al diz stuf. n bear in mind he haz dun umrah 2. now hes left me, i havnt heard 4rm hm itz been 2 weekz. iv been reading my namaaz n sabak, n duin gud tingz, shud i juz stay owta hz way n get maried 2 wer my parentz tel me, n inshalah allah wil b hapi n ma parentz?

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iv also been in a relationsip 4 3 years and i feel lyk iv bin lied n cheatd on, i dnt tink i can eva love again .

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i learnt some stuff in d posts but really it hurts wen someone u giv ur heart 2 comes nd break it witout even feelin sorry. it hurts

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i was mad at mii byfrnd once an wylst readin namaz i sed 2 myslf ill c hm if allah wishes coz at da tym i hadnt seen him 4 daiiz an ryt da nxt daii i seen him. v wer den stll 2geda up untill he went on umra he sed he wernt gna chnge buh i havnt herd or seen 4rm hm since. I dnt get iht coz i met hm at wen i was at mii wrst i goh kikd out of skwl broke up wd all mii maytes an felt propa lonely. wd him i ddnt need ani1 els. Nw evri tym wylst readin namaz i pray 2 allah dat if i can hav him bk or den jus geh ova him. since da strt of ramadan an i stll reali luv hm

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I believe that friendships and relationships evolve..Some people end up hurting us and some blame us for the irregularities in their life.Rarely do we find that people expect little from us. I am saddened how after losing my mother ,i have not been given the chance to grieve and talk of my loss.Instead, the people who have depended on my friendship were offended by my moments of wanting to be by myself. its been very lonely in a busy world . request for duas

Liked by 1 person

Very interesting and thanks I was so hurt wen I got outta long relationship but its all about fillin tha gap and make ur self feel betta dnt feel like u worthless cos u nw single adapt make urself feel good and confident x

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I have had this emptiness in me more than a decade & it has a lot to do with my childhood. Let’s just say that a particular person I considered my everything had lead me on to deceiving me & lying to me. So from that day on till now I am deeply wounded, have serious trust issues & can’t attach myself to those that I love. What do you do when the most important person in your life hurts you at a young age? My past keeps coming back & I have been getting more openly with certain people but that particular person & I have un-finish business. Can you help me!

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Leave the past Shukri… I know its hard, but disconnect yourself as this is the only way to move forward cheerfully. Life is full of beautiful things, but if you have that ‘un-finsied business’ tag on your lenses, you’ll never be able to see the beauty.

I insist, start afresh – This world of our Allah is no less than heaven. Be positive and optimistic and hope for the best.

Assalamalaikum Wr. Wbr.

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Ask me, how does it hurt when the other doesn’t understand you the way you want to be understood. Betrayal’s in friendship is shattering … b’cuz friendship is something which reaches beyond every other relationship.

And if that ship has creaks, there’s no way out… and you’re stuck!

Drowning is the result sometimes

…..basically when you don’t know how to swim along.

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Well, I must add:

Make ALLAH your friend and you will never be betrayed.

🙂

That’s what I did… and Allah is the best friend of believers.

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I read ur post and altho in my mind it makes sense my heart refuses to accept, I want to so badly get over this pain bt its ther every minute and every second.

I ws with someone I thort I ws goin to marry bt he dsnt seem to want the same thing…we had a good connection as frends also that we dnt seem to find with anyone else, that he also acknowledges bt he has left me in limbo…

He dsnt tell me he dsnt want to be with me nor does he tell me he wants to be frends…I want to let go bt I feel lost and alone with the I feel 😦

Allah haviz

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will some one reply to this?? because its how i feel, n i dont understand why…

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O dear! That’s really heart-breaking. And the situation is indeed confused… I suggest you email him all your feelings or call him up or meet him if possible and sort the matter out. Do not drag it, it will only make the matters worse and increase the confusion and create unwanted anxieties.

And remember, whatever happens is only the will of Allah. Believe that it is best for you… you’ll need some time to collect yourself and come back.

‘Start afresh’ whatever be the case: You are still alive and Allah is with you – so you be with Him.

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Thanx 4 posting this..I think it has helped me in a way…U know am recently in a process of breaking up with my fiance’ jst coz my parents doesnt want him coz he is from a different race..N it rly eating me up coz we were together for 5 years..I dont know whr to start my life…But with ur post i think i can make it….thank you. May Allah Bless you..

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sorry to hear about this. i just got out of an almost 5 yrs relationship too. less than 2 months, my ex boyfriend started seeing someone else…because of this, i’m back to stage 2.. 😥

just wish i could fast forward the time…

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O yes, you really can fast forward the time my dear:
Do something new;
Involve yourself in something that refreshes you, rejuvenates you and brings out the best in you.

Try out new options;
Change you life style;
Change your thoughts;

Stick to the ones who love you and make them more happy… This life is yours, do not waste it b’cuz of others.

May Allah help you, Insha’Allah

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asalam alaikum. well, I cried after reading this. I was “dating” a sister but no wali was involved. No, there was never any intimacy between us but a lot of confusion came about over feelings and other issues.., it’s a long story. Well, it looks like things are coming to an end and it hurts bad because I really thought this was the one. I want to call but I don’t think it would serve any purpose at this point. I think I am somewhere between the phase 1 and 2. I have to work hard to avoid phase 4 because I already feel that’s where I’m headed.

This situation was written and it was Allah’s will so insha’allah I will grow from it and learn from it. I just wish the pain would go away.

I hope I didn’t depress anyone. 🙂

Thanks for posting this. salam

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i am going threw a relatiosnhip brekup with sum1 i luved and trusted with my hule heart and gave everything to. i feel hurt, confused. but reading this has made me feel abit better and i no wat to expect now.
ameen

aysha x

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i needed this. well said.

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🙂

May Allah give you strength to make things like before…give you lots of happyness..
May Allah protect you from EVILs,and there any Evil Acts…

Ameen!

KING

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Assalamualaikum

I’m Glad to be a Mosleem, May allah keep my faith.

Regards
kang tatang

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May Sara’s wounds heal quickly, because there’s just not enough time in life to waste. And of course, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger… May Sara be strong and may she discriminate enough to know who to trust, and may she have a long and fruitful life filled with good deeds to meet her Lord with. Allah is the Just and the Protector. May He never leave Sarah to herself, not even for a blink of an eye. And last but not least, may Allah bless Sarah.

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wots dis got to do with islam???????????????

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Why,Muslim don’t have heart ?

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just when i was in need of something like this. alhamdulilah
thanks for posting bro 🙂

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Yes,i immediatly published as soon as i recvd,
i know,
lots of peoples need these tips.including me!

May Allah give us strength to face situation and forget the one,who breaked our heart !
Ameen!

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