ISLAM—World's Greatest Religion!


In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Should I Confess ?

I want to Repent but …

A person may sorrowfully ask: “I want to repent, but do I have to go and confess the sins I have committed? Is it a condition of repentance that I should tell the qaadi (judge) in the court about everything that I have done, and ask him to carry out the appropriate punishment on me? What is the meaning of the story I have just read about the repentance of Maa’iz, of the Ghaamidi woman and of the man who kissed a woman in the garden?”

My response to you is that the slave’s direct relationship with Allaah, with no intermediaries, is one of the most important aspects of the belief in Tawheed (Divine Unity) with which Allaah is pleased. He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor)…” [al-Baqarah 2:186]. If we believe that repentance is only for Allaah, then confession is only for Allaah too. In fact, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray in his du’aa’s asking for forgiveness: “Aboo’u laka bi na’matika wa aboo’u bi dhanbi (I acknowledge Your blessings and I acknowledge (i.e. confess) my sin to You).” This is a confession to Allaah.

We are not, by the grace of Allaah, like the Christians, with the priest, the chair of confession, the documents of forgiveness, etc.

Indeed, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Know they not that Allaah accepts repentance from His slaves…?” [al-Tawbah 9:104], i.e., He accepts repentance from His slaves without any mediator or intercessor.

As regards the carrying out of punishments, if the deed has not come to the official attention of the imaam, ruler or qaadi, a person does not have to go to them and confess. If Allaah has covered the sins of a person, there is nothing wrong with him covering his own sins. It is sufficient for him to repent to Allaah, and the matter is between him and his Lord. One of the Names of Allaah is al-Sitteer, meaning the One Who covers or conceals (the faults of His slaves), and He likes His slaves to conceal sins too. As far as the Sahaabah such as Maa’iz, the Ghaamidi woman who committed zinaa, and the man who kissed the woman in the garden are concerned, all of them did something which they were not obliged to do, may Allaah be pleased with them, because they were so keen to purify themselves. The evidence for this is the fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from Maa’iz and from the Ghaamidi woman at first. When ‘Umar said to the man who had kissed the woman in the garden, “Allaah covered his sin. He should have covered it himself?” the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent, indicating that he concurred with these words.

So it is not necessary to go to the court and register an official confession, if Allaah has covered one’s sins. Nor is it necessary to go to the imaam of a mosque and ask him to carry out the appropriate punishment, or to ask a friend to carry out the punishment of lashing inside the house, as some people imagine.

The following story will teach you how important it is to be careful of the attitude of some ignorant people towards those who repent: a man who wanted to repent went to the ignorant imaam of a mosque, confessed his sins to him and asked him what he should do. The imaam said, “Go to the court and confess your sins officially. They will carry out the appropriate punishment on you. Then we will see what to do next.” The poor man saw that he would not be able to do this, so he forgot about repenting and went back to his old ways.

Here I will take the opportunity to add an important comment: knowing about the rules of Islam, and seeking them from the correct sources is a trust. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):

 “… so ask of those who know the Scripture, if you know not.” [al-Nahl 16:43]

“… The Most Beneficent! Ask Him, as He is al-Khabeer (the All-Knower of everything).” [al-Furqaan 25:59]

Not every preacher is qualified to issue fataawaa (rulings or edicts). Not every imaam or muezzin, speaker or storyteller, is qualified to deliver rulings to the people. But the Muslim is responsible for knowing from where he can take rulings. This is an important matter of religion. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) feared what might befall his ummah at the hands of misguided imaams. One of the salaf (early generation of Islam) said: “Knowledge is religion, so pay attention to who it is you are taking your religion from.” Beware of these pitfalls, and only consult trustworthy scholars when you are in doubt about an issue. And Allaah is the source of help.


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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Praying in a moving vehicle

Question:  Can we pray salat while in a moving car that’s because there is no place to stop and pray?

Praise be to Allaah.

Performing prayers at the right time is a trust and an obligation, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  “Verily, al-Salaat (the prayer) is enjoined on the believers at fixed hours.” [al-Nisaa' 4:103].

Delaying the prayer past its appointed time is a grave major sin, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  “So woe unto those performers of salaat (prayers) (hypocrites), who delay their salaat from their stated fixed times.” [al-Maa'oon 107:4-5]

Some scholars state that the person who deliberately misses one prayer and leaves it until the appointed time is over, with no excuse, is a kaafir.

Claiming that one cannot find a place to pray is not a valid excuse, because either one is living on the face of the earth or not, and if one is living on the face of the earth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The (whole) earth has been made a mosque (or a place of prayer) and a means of purification for me, so wherever a man of my ummah may be when the time for prayer comes, let him pray.”  [Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 335]

According to a report narrated by Muslim, he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The (whole) earth has been made good for me, a means of purification and a mosque (or place of prayer); so wherever a man may be when the time for prayer comes, let him pray wherever he is.”  [Saheeh Muslim, no. 521]

The entire world is a suitable place to prostrate oneself; the scholars have made no exceptions except very few, such as graveyards and lavatories. Wherever a Muslim is when the time for prayer comes, he should pray: in a mosque, if possible, or else in a hallway or park, on a sidewalk or in a parking lot, or in a corner of a store. Even if one can find no other place than a church, it is permissible to pray in it.

As far as praying on board means of transportation is concerned, then it is possible to pray there so long as the necessary conditions of prayer are fulfilled, or else one can wait until one gets out of the vehicle. If waiting means that the time for the prayer will pass, then you should pray in the best way that you can. Let us assume, for example, that you are in a car or train where there is no place to pray, you cannot stop and pray at the side of the road, and the time for that prayer is running out.

In such a situation, the Muslim should pray in the best way that he can, even if he is sitting in his seat and even if he is not facing the qiblah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“So keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him as much as you can…” [al-Taghaabun 64:16],

and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  “If I have comanded you to do something, do as much of it as you can.”  [Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 7288]

An exception to be above is naafil (supererogatory) prayers offered when riding a camel, which is permissible even if one cannot get down or if one is not facing the qiblah. This is known from the report of Ibn ‘Umar, who said:

“The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray when travelling on his camel, no matter which direction it was facing, and he would gesture with his head to indicate the movements of the night prayer, apart from the obligatory prayers, and he would pray witr on his camel too.”  [Reported by al-Bukhaari, 945]

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

“The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray voluntary (nafl) prayers when riding on his camel, no matter what direction it was facing, when he came from Makkah to Madeenah.”

Then Ibn ‘Umar recited this aayah (interpretation of the meaning):  “And to Allaah belong the east and the west, so wherever you turn yourselves or your faces, there is the Face of Allaah (and He is High above, over His Throne)…” [al-Baqarah 2:115]

Ibn ‘Umar said:  “It was concerning this that this aayah was revealed.”

[Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2883; he said, this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth]

We should not forget to point out here that Muslims living in non-Muslim countries sometimes delay or abandon their prayers for another, completely different, reason, which is that they feel too embarrassed to pray in front of the kuffaar in public or open places, or they are afraid that they will make fun of them and regard them as odd.

This is a serious mistake. How can a Muslim feel embarrassed about proclaiming the truth and worshipping openly, hastening to fulfil the command of Allaah at the time when Allaah has said it is to be done? This matter has been dealt with in a similar question on this website (see question # 980).  We ask Allaah to help us all to remember Him, to be grateful to Him and to worship Him properly.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

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6) The 4th Major Sin :: Not Praying

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Please can I have one more chance ?

There you are standing before Allah Taa’la, the whole of mankind in anticipation. Hell to your left and Paradise your right. From the first man until the last, everybody is present. What is to be of them on this Day?

Not a word is spoken. Everybody is naked but unusually today, no one actually cares about anybody else. There’s only one question running through everyone’s mind, what will be their eternal abode?

The Qur’an states:

“And they will be set before your Lord in (lines as) rows, (and Allah will say): “Now indeed you have come to us as We created you first. Nay, but you thought that We had appointed no meeting for you (with us).” (Surah 18, Verse 48)

You stand there very frightened. As a Muslim, you hardly prayed your Salaah. In Ramadhan, you didn’t feel like keeping fasts. Zakaat was never on your mind. Even though you had enough money for Hajj, a trip to the Caribbean always seemed much more appealing.

You look down and wish that this silence continues forever and ever. Then suddenly, very unexpectedly, your name is called. Abdullah! Son of Adam, your heart begins to beat faster and faster. You are now trembling. Your turn has now come.

It is time for the truth; did you live in this world as a true believer? Did you believe in the oneness of Allah and follow the teachings of our Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam? If so, then there is no doubt that Paradise is your eternal abode, but for those who ascribed partners with Allah and neglected the teachings of our Holy Prophet , then, Hell is their only dwelling. There will be no injustice on this day.

Slowly, tears begin to role down your face. Even before you receive the book of deeds, you know you have no chance. You had so many chances to revive yourself in the world, but you continued to commit sins, one after another. Many signs were brought before you clearly proving the oneness of Allah, but you rejected each sign, one after another. How is Allah going to give you another chance? Chances were given in the world. You continued sinning but were not punished; now you must face punishment for those unpunished sins committed. Then, the book (of deeds) is given to you in your left hand. You may have passed all the exams in school, but you now have failed the most important one, Life.

The Qur’an states:

“And We have fastened every mans deeds to his neck, and on the Day of Resurrection, We shall bring out for him a book which he will find wide open.” “(It will be said to him): “Read your book.” (Surah 17, Verses 13,14)

Allah Taa’la states:

“And the Book (ones record) will be placed (in the right hand for a believer in the Oneness of Allah, and in the left hand for a disbeliever in the oneness of Allah), and you will see the ‘Mujrimun (sinners), fearful of that which is (recorded) therein. They will say: Woe to us! What sort of Book is this that leaves neither a small thing nor a big thing, but has recorded it with numbers!” And they will find all that they did, placed before them, and Your Lord treats no one with injustice.” (Surah 18, Verse 49)

You bend down on your knees and beg for mercy. “Please Allah! Only one more chance, only one more chance! You open the Book which had been placed in your left hand. You are shaking as you open the book knowing full well that it has recorded every single deed and every sin. You know full well that no injustice has been done by Allah.

You open the book and every detail is inside. As soon as your eyes glance upon the first sin on the page you have opened, you begin to cry. You close the book and start to regret. But this is no time to regret.

Your chance has now gone.

You shout once more, “ALLAH! CAN I HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE!!!??”

The Qur’an states regarding the misguided:

When those who were followed will disown those who were following and they will see the punishment and all ties with them will be cut

And those people who were following will say if only there was a returning for us we would disown them just as they disowned us in this way Allah will show them their actions as a source of remorse against themselves and they will not be coming out of the fire of hell. (Surah 2, Verse 166-167)

The heat of the fire of Hell is burning in your mind. How will you be punished? How long will you be punished for? Every time you wanted to do good in the world, Shaytaan took you away from the straight path and you were deceived very easily. You can blame no one but yourself.

Allah Taa’la states:

And Satan will say when the matter has been decided: “Verily, Allah promised you a promise of Truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, so you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me.” (Surah 14, Verse 22)

How deceiving Shaytaan was? How powerful were his whispers and how weak was your Imaan?

Whatever he whispered into your ears, you immediately followed him. You disobeyed Allah and followed what you thought was the right path, but you were truly on the wrong path, treading upon the path that would lead you to inevitable destruction, the path that will lead you into Hell fire on this day. You thought arrogantly and lived as though you would live in the world forever. You ignored the fact that everybody to enter the world would eventually die one day and be judged. Allah Taa’la states in the Qur’an:

“Everyone is going to taste death.” (Surah 21, Verse 33)

Only seconds remain. The Hell fire is waiting. Your time has now come, but all you think of is that one more chance. With that one more chance, you would go back in the world and never commit another sin again. Chances, many chances were only given in the world but now it’s too late. You are thrown into the scorching fire.

My dear respected readers, do you want to end up like brother Abdullah? Does his life sound familiar compared to yours? Is obeying Allah, Praying Salaah and pleasing Him not in our daily schedule? Here in this life is our only chance and time to change. Remember, no chance will be given once you pass away. Repenting will be of no avail on that day. The Prophet mentions in one Hadith:

“The one who repents from sin is like one who has no sin.” (Hasan – Reported by Abu ‘Ubaidah ibn ‘Abdullaah and collected by Ibn Majah. Authenticated by Shaikh al-Albaanee.)

There is an extremely wretched place for those who disobey Allah and the Prophet . However, those who are pious and are on the Sirat-e-Mustaqeem (right path) will be the ones that will be triumphant on that day and these are the people that will earn a great reward. Allah Taa’la states in the Qur’an:

“Verily, the Muttaqun (pious and righteous persons) who fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden), and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained) will be in the midst of Gardens and Rivers (Paradise).” (Surah 54, Verse 54)

From all the hard work that you do in this world dear readers, Allah Taa’la will never let that work go to waste. Instead, gardens and rivers will be awaiting that person and the book of deeds will be placed in the believer’s right hand. As for those who do not believe, Allah Taa’la says:

“The Day they will be dragged in the Fire on their faces (it will be said to them): “Taste you the touch of Hell.” (Surah 54, Verse 48)

May Allah Taa’la give us all the ability to avoid or discard the path of the Shaytaan and follow the right path shown by our The Prophet (SalallAllaahu ‘alaihi wa salam). Ameen

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Tips for New Muslims on How to Read the Quran

Question:  I converted recently and I have a problem with reading the Quran, what should I do?
Answer

Salaam and welcome to Islam.

You didn’t explain what is your particular problem with reading the Quran? Is it that you can’t find a good translation in Dutch or English, or that you don’t understand what you read? Or maybe you can’t find the time to read on regular basis?

I agree with you that it is very important for Muslims to read The Quran and get a better understanding of its message. This is how we can learn and practice the basic concepts of Islam as a balanced way of life. Reading the Quran also shows us the universe in a new light: we learn many amazing facts about ourselves and the different creatures of God, the environmental balance and our role in it, human behavior and relations, financial and economic concepts, and much, much more.

In other words, when we read the Quran we must free our minds and open up our souls to get a much deeper understanding of our world and ourselves. It’s not just a book of worship and religious rules; it’s a book of wisdom that will change our lives.

Here are some general guidelines, and please feel free to write again and give us your impressions and feedback:

1- Find a good translation in a language you understand well.

Always bear in mind that reading the Quran in any other language than its original Arabic is only an approximation of the meaning and not the exact text, simply because it is impossible to reproduce the same literary experience in any other language.

Dr. Mostafa Mahmoud, a philosopher and scientist, describes the Quranic style: “There is no end rhyme, nor is the Quran written in verse. The prose, however, is so unique that one can detect a law of verbal architecture that governs its internal music pattern. It remains impossible to imitate the structural and rhetorical brilliance of the Quran”.

2- Listen to a recitation of the Quran from an experienced reader, even if you don’t understand.

It’s important to get the feeling of the original text, and it’s mesmerizing to hear it.

3- If this is your first encounter with the Quran, plan two consecutive readings:

A first quick and general reading to get the big ideas, then a second more through reading to delve deeper and get a much closer look at the details.

4- Start your first reading with a neutral frame of mind.

Approaching the Quran with a pre-conceived perception will only slow your progress and color your understanding of its true message, resulting in a confused impression. Consult your own open heart and mind in the first reading, and not other people’s opinions, whether from classical books or from the mainstream media.  The Quran reaches straight into your soul if you let it, so please allow yourself the experience.

Dr. Mohamed Enani writes: “The Quran speaks the language of the human heart wherever humans are found and whatever the age they live in; it is a universal language rooted deep in a human’s natural constitution”.

5- Do not be afraid to challenge what you read.

The Quran actually invites the reader to do just that, as long as you diligently and earnestly try to find the answers, because in the process, you end up re-discovering your true self.

This rewarding journey of mental and spiritual growth is described in the works of many prominent western Muslims such as American Professor of mathematics Jeffrey Lang, who was challenging the Quran as a fierce atheist, yet couldn’t help but surrender to it eventually (Struggling to Surrender, Amana Publications), he writes of his first reading: “You cannot simply read the Quran, not if you take it seriously. You either have surrendered to it already or you fight it. It attacks tenaciously, directly, personally; it debates, criticizes, shames, and challenges. From the outset it draws the line of battle, and I was on the other side. I was at a severe disadvantage, for it became clear that the Author knew me better than I knew myself. The Quran was always way ahead of my thinking; it was erasing barriers I had built years ago and was addressing my queries”.

6- Allow yourself time to contemplate.

Don’t read the Quran like you read the newspaper, rather, read it as a direct message from Allah Himself to you in particular!

When you read verses where Allah talks to the reader, stop and let the message sink in, then allow yourself time to think of yourself and your life in relation to this divine communication, think of how you could put it to good use to adjust your convictions and behavior.

When you read stories about previous nations, find contemporary parallels and try to learn the lessons.

When you read about Allah’s magnificent creations, think of educating yourself about nature and showing gratitude to Him through respecting life and natural resources.

Think of the Quran as a dialogue or a conversation rather than a one-way communication of do’s and don’ts. Be brave enough to provide the honest answers to the questions your heart and mind will throw at you while you read.

7- Get additional insights from trusted sources about the Quran’s message from different perspectives:

Such as scientific, sociological, behavioral, regulatory… etc. in addition to reading about the historic context in which it was revealed, including the biography of the man who transmitted it to us: Prophet Muhammad peace by upon him and his companions.

I advise you to read original writings from fellow Muslims of your native culture, rather than translated works from Arabic, with the exception of a few outstanding works (for example, Dr. Mostafa Mahmoud’s book Understanding the Quran, a Contemporary Approach, translated by Dr. M Enani- Amana Publications).

Read also about the brilliant achievements of Muslim scientists across history, when they understood and applied the Qur’anic rules of acquiring and applying knowledge to serve humanity as Allah’s vicegerents on Earth. A good source is “Lost History, the Enduring Legacy of Muslim Scientists, Thinkers, and Artists” by Michael Hamilton Morgan, National Geographic.
8- Plan to read the Quran in its original language one day

Do it by learning Arabic, and the science of the correct recitation of the Quran called ‘tajweed’.

There are lessons in all the mosques in the world, and there are transliterated Qurans especially for this purpose, to help you pronounce correctly, and many new Muslims have excelled at this and teach others, you can easily find their sites through a simple online search.

The experience is unparalleled if you allow yourself to absorb it in full. In his book “The Amazing Quran”, Dr. Garry Miller writes:  “Calling the Quran amazing is not something done only by Muslims, who have an appreciation for the book, and who are pleased with it; it has been labeled amazing by non-Muslims as well. In fact, even people who hate Islam very much have still called it amazing.”

Dr. Miller then explains his surprise as a scientist during his first reading: “Within the last century the scientific community has demanded a test of falsification for any new scientific theory. This is exactly what the Quran has. Basically it states, “If this book is not what it claims to be, then all you have to do is this or this or this to prove that it is false.” Honestly, I was very surprised when I first discovered this challenge. In 4:82 the book openly invites the non-Muslim to find a mistake. In 1400 years no one has been able to do that, and thus it is considered true and authentic”

I hope this answers your question, please stay in touch.

Source: OnIslam

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The Prophet’s Emotions toward his Wives

Assalam Alaykum Brother and sisters ,

In todays life husband and wife relationship are not so good,we always hear,some brother did and some brother that.some even say No I don;t know How to good towards her.etc etc etc and Few Even Abuse them.

I hope this Article will help brother to know How to deal with wifes… all these materials are taken from biography of Prophet.Kindly Share with other brothers.

Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet – peace be upon him – you will find that he was extending a great deal respect to his wives and was paying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love. Here are some attractive examples and shining moments in his life:

Knowing their Feelings

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was telling Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her: “I know well when you are pleased or angry from me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I just desert you name. In another narration the same tradition ended by saying: “No, by the God of Ibrahim”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2439

Understanding their Jealousy & Love

Umm Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and his companions. Seeing that, Aisha came holding a tool and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding the situation, the Prophet took the two halves of the dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is just the jealousy of your mother, then the Prophet took the dish of Aisha and gave it to Um Salama and gave the dish of Um Salama to Aisha.

Narrated by: Um Salama – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Nasa’i  – Page or number: 3966

Understanding their Psychology & Nature

The Prophet – peace be upon him – said: “Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are just like this; therefore treat them kindly”.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3331

This tradition is not for dispraising women as understood by the public, contrary, it is for teaching and educating men. Moreover, this tradition expressed the accurate understanding of the nature of the women and indicated the possibility of leaving the woman as it is in the permissible things but to guide her if she exceeded the permissible limits such as doing the sins and neglecting the duties.

Complaining to & Consulting them

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has consulted his wives in the most delicate and important matters such as consulting his wife Um Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – in Al-Hudaibia Treaty. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has written the treaty between him and the polytheists of Quraish in Al-Hudaibia region, in the Hudaibia year and told his companions: Go to make immolation and shave, but no one responded. The Prophet – peace be upon him – repeated that three times but still no one responded to him. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went to Um Salama and told her about the matter. Hearing that, Um Salam said: O Prophet of Allah, just go and don’t speak to any one until you make your immolation and shave. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and did not speak to any one until he did the same. Seeing that, the companions stood and make their immolation and began shaving for each other to the degree that some of them was about to kill the other out of their grief.

Narrated by: Um Salama Hind Bint Abi Umayiah – Degree: successive – the narrator: Ibn Jarir Al-Tabari – The Source: Tafsir Al-Tabari  – Page or number: 2/293

Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told Aisha in the long tradition of Um Zara’ narrated by Al-Bukhari: I am in my love and loyalty to you just like Abi Zara’ and Um Zara” Aisha replied: You are dearer to me more than my father and mother, you are even more loyal and loving than Abi Zara’ to Um Zara”.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5189

Choosing the Best Nicknames to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha: O Aish (nickname of Aisha), this is Jabril (Angle of revelation) telling you the greetings. Aisha said: May peace and blessings be upon him, you (The Prophet) see what I can’t see. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha “Al-Humairaa” (i.e. white-skinned woman).

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Ibn Hijer Al-Asqalani – The Source: Fateh Al-Bari of Ibn Hijer  – Page or number: 2/515

Eating & Drinking with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: When I drink water from the pot while in menstruation period and give the pot to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – he drinks from the same place which touched my mouth, moreover, during menstruation, I was eating from the piece of meat and giving the same to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and the Prophet puts his mouth in the same place of mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 300

Not Complaining of their Circumstances

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I was combing the hair of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while in menstruation.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 295

Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was leaning on my lab while in menstruation and read Quran.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 297

Going on Picnics & Accompanying Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between his wives when he wants to go out. Once, the Prophet cast a lot between his wives and the lot was the share of Aisha and Hafsa together. At night, the Prophet walks with Aisha and speaks to her. Knowing that, Hafsa told Aisha: Why don’t you ride on my camel and I ride yours and see what happens? Aisha replied: okay. Then Aisha rode the camel of Hafsa while Hafsa rode the camel of Aisha. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then went to the camel of Aisha while Hafsa riding it, greeted her and walked together until they got down. Seeing that, Aisha felt jealousy and tried to put her leg between the lemon grass and say: O my Lord, send a scorpion or a sneak to sting me, this is your Prophet and I can’t say anything to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2445

Helping them in the Household Duties

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home? She replied: He was helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayer he goes out.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5363

Depending on himself to Relieve them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in his home? She replied: He washes his clothes, milks his ewe, and serves himself.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani– The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4996

She said also: he sews his clothes, cleans his shoes and does what men generally do in their homes.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’  – Page or number: 4937

Tolerating for their Happiness

Aisha narrated that Abu Baker – May Allah be pleased with them – entered to the home of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while two young girls were striking on the tambourine and signing and while the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laying and covering himself with his clothes. Seeing him, the Prophet uncovered his face and told him: O Aba Baker, let them continue, it is the days of Eid (festival). The said days were Mina Days and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was in the Medina.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Sahih An-Nasai  – Page or number: 1596

Treat them Fairly while Angry

Once, Aisha was angry of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – So, he told her: Do you accept Abu Obaida Bin Al-Jarrah as a judge between us? She replied: No, this man will not issue a judgment against you in my favor. He said: Do you accept Omar as a judge? She replied: I fear Omar. He said: Do you accept Abu Baker (her father)? She replied: Yes I accept him.

Calm Them Down In Panic

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was putting his hand on the shoulder of his wife when she is angry and saying: “O Allah, forgive her sins, relieve her heart from rage and protect her from distress”.

Giving Presents and Showing Affection to their Friends

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not ever been jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

74712- When he slaughters the sheep says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame’ – Page or number: 4722

Praising & Thanking them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: The rank of Aisha to the other women is like the rank of the porridge to the other foods.

Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2446

Feeling Happy when they are Happy

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was playing with the toy girls when she was with the Prophet – Peace be upon him. She added: My friends were coming to visit me and they were feeling shy of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – but he was letting them in to me. In another narration in the tradition of Jarir: I was playing with toy girls while in his home.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2440.

Feeling Pleased when they are Glad

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: Once, the Prophet – Peace be upon him – came from a battle and there was a cover for my toy girls in my room. The wind uncovered the toy girls. Seeing that, the prophet said: What is this? She replied: my daughters. He said: What is the thing between them? She replied: it is a horse. He said: What is this thing on the horse? She replied: they are two wings. He said: A horse with two wings!! She replied: didn’t you hear that Sulaiman bin Dawood – Peace be upon them – was having horses with wings? The Prophet then laughed until his molars appeared.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Ghayat Al-Maram  – Page or number: 129

Expressing his Love to them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not been ever jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah”. One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: “I was endowed with her love”. Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2435

Considering her Best Manners

“The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character”.
Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1469

Keeping Their Privacy

“The worst rank for a man at the day of judgment is the rank of the man who sleeps with his wife and then discloses her privacy”.
Narrated by: Abu Saeed Al-Khudri – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 1437

Refraining from Beating or Abusing them

“The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has not ever beaten any woman, any servant or anything in his hand other than fighting in the way of Allah The Almighty. He does not take revenge from anyone harmed him except when breaching the orders of Allah The Almighty, at which case, he takes revenge”.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2328

Consoling & Wiping their Tears

Safiyah – May Allah be pleased with her – was traveling with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and it was then her turn to travel with him. She was slow in walking. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – received her while crying and saying: You gave me a slow camel. Seeing that, The Prophet – Peace be upon him – wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. Narrated by An-Nasai.

Putting the Bite in her Mouth

The Prophet – Peace be upon him said: “If you expend anything seeking the pleasure of Allah the Almighty, even if you put a bite in the mouth of your wife, He will promote you to a higher degree in paradise”.
Narrated by: — – Degree: Right – the narrator: Ibn Taymiyyah – The Source: Majmou’ Al-Fatawa  – Page or number: 10/31

Fulfilling their Needs

“O Prophet of Allah, what are the rights of my wife? He said: To feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe, don’t beat her face, don’t abuse her and don’t desert her except in home”.
Narrated by: Mu’awiah Bin Haida Al-Qushairi – Degree: Stated in the introduction that it is “Right” pursuant to the standards of some narrators – the narrator: Ibn Daqiq Al-Eid – The Source: Al-Elmam  – Page or number: 2/655

Trusting them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – prohibited men from knocking the door of their families at night trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes. In another narration, he did not mention “Trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes”.
Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 715

Remembering & Caring About Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was visiting his eleven wives within a short period of time, at night or in the day. I said to Anas: Was he bearing that? Anas said: He has the power of thirty men.
Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 268

Respecting them during Menstruation

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was making love with his wives above the loincloth while in menstruation.
Narrated by: Maimona Bint Al-Hareth – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 294

Accompanying them in Travel

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between him wives when he wants to travel then he takes the one who wins the lot. He cast a lot between us in one of his battles and it was me who won it; therefore, I went with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – after the revelation of Al-Hijab (veil) verse.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2879

Racing & Playing with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was accompanying the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in travel while she was a young girl. She said I was still slim. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told his companions to go forward. They went forward. Then he told me: come, I want to have race with you. We started the race and I won. After a period of time, I went in travel with him and he said to his companions go forward. The companions went forward and then he told me: come to have a race with you. At that time, I forgot the former race and I was fat. I told him: how can we race while I am in this situation (thin)? He replied: you will do it. Then we started the race and he won. He laughed then and said: tit for tat.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: his attribution is right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Adab Al-Zafaf  – Page or number: 204

Choosing the Best Nicknames for them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said to the Prophet – Peace be upon him: O Prophet of Allah, all of your wives have nicknames except me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – replied: take the name of your son Abdullah (i.e. Abdullah bin Al Zubair), your nickname now is Um Abdullah. The narrator said: She was called Um Abdullah until she died though she has not ever given birth.
Narrated by: Orwa Bin Al-Zubair – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha – Page or number: 1/255

Sharing Happiness and Joy with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: By Allah The Almighty, I saw the Prophet – Peace be upon him – standing at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing with their bayonets in the mosque of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while he was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing and was waiting for me until I finish by my own will. So, try to consider the desires of the young girls, they like playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 892

116691- Aisha narrated: I saw the Prophet – peace be upon him – at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing in the mosque and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 454

Spreading Happiness in his House

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: Once, Sawda visited us and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (food) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: If you don’t eat I will stain your face with Khazira but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khzaira to Sawda and told her stain her face; so, Swada stained my face and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laughed. Then Omar – May Allah be pleased with him – passed by and called for Abdullah. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – thought that he will enter but Omer said to us: Go wash your faces. Aisha said: Since then, I still fearing Omar due to the Prophet’s respect to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Good – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha  – Page or number: 7/363

Loving & Respecting their Families

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – appointed Amer Bin Al-Aas as a leader to Zat Al-Salasil Battle. Feeling the love of the Prophet, Amer asked the Prophet: Whose is the dearest to you? He answered: (Aisha), Amer said: I mean from men: he replied: (Her father), Amer said: Who then? The Prophet replied: (Omar), then the Prophet mentioned several men; so, Amer kept silence in order not to be the last of them.

Narrated by: Abu Othman Al-Nahdi – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 4358

Keeping their Dignity in Ordeals

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – wants to travel, he casts a lot between his wives and the one who won the lot will accompany him. At Bani Al-Mustaleq Battle, I won the lot and traveled with him. The women were eating light food and avoid meat in order to move easily. I was sitting in my howdah when we get down for rest and when we want to go, they carry me while in the howdah and put it on the back of the camel and then tight it with ropes to go forward again.

When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – finished the said travel, he went back to the Medina. By approaching the Medina, he got down and took rest for a short period at night. Thereafter, the people were told to resume walking and they got ready to continue while I was out to relieve nature and I was having a necklace in my neck. When I finished, the necklace fell down from my neck and I did not remember it until I reached to the place of my baggage. At that time, people began leaving while I returned back again to my place looking for the necklace until I found it. Then, the people who took my camel for rest returned back and put the howdah on the camel thinking that I am there as usual and resumed walk. I returned back to the camp and no people were there. All of them went forward. Seeing that, I covered myself with my gown and lay down in my place so that when they miss me they can return and find me there. While in that situation (laying down), Safwan Bin Al-Mu’atel Al-Salami passed by me as he was late for relieving nature. He saw my black clothes and approached me – He knew me before the revelation of the Hijab (veil) verse – and said: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return. The wife of the Prophet is here? I was then covering myself with my gown. He said: Why you are late? I said nothing. Then he got the camel close to me and said: Ride. He went back a little. Then I rode the camel and he guided the camel toward the caravan but we did not reach them and they did not miss us until the morning when they got down for rest. Then, they saw the man guiding the camel I rode. At that moment, a group of people fabricated a story and began spreading rumors that we committed adultery and the whole camp became confused while I know nothing about the whole matter.

Then we reached Medina and I was very sick and no one is telling me what is going around. Then the matter reached to my father and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and no one mentioned anything to me. I was then not pleased with the treatment of the Prophet toward me while I was sick because when he enters my room while my mother is nursing me he just says: How are you? He did not say anything else. Seeing that, I felt angry of his coolness and told him: May I go to my mother? He replied: No problem. Then I went to my mother and knew nothing about the whole matter. About twenty days later I recovered. At our era, we were not having toilets like the non-Arabs. We hate it. We were just going to the free spaces in the Medina and the women were going out every night to relieve nature. At certain night, I went out with Um Mustah to relieve nature.

At the way, she stumbled with her clothes and said: Woe to my son Mustah. I said to her: It is not good to speak like this about a man like your son, he is one of the immigrants and he has witnessed Bader Battle! Um Mustah said: Don’t you know the recent news? I said: What happened? She told me about the rumors made by the people that I committed adultery. I asked her: Is that what happened? She said: yes. Hearing that, I was not able even to relieve nature and went back to home. I continued crying till I felt my liver will be broken out. I told my mother: All people speaking ill about me, why you did not mention this to me? My mother said: My dear daughter, don’t worry; this usually happens to any beautiful woman loved by her husband who has other wives because the other wives and people will speak a lot about her out of their jealousy. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then delivered a sermon to the people – I did not k

new that then – and said: “O people, why some group of you are speaking ill about my family and telling false about them? I swear by Allah The Almighty that my wife is good and chaste. Moreover, they also spoke ill about a man who is straightforward. That man did not enter my house except in my company”. Hearing that, Abdullah Bin Ubai and some men of Al-Khazraj tribe got angry and the matter became complicated after what was told by Mustah and Hamna Bint Jahsh, the sister of Zainab Bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – because she was the only wife who compete with my rank for the Prophet. Zainab spoke only good about me but her sister Hamna spread ill rumors about me. When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – delivered the above mentioned sermon, Usaid Bin Khudair said: O Prophet of Allah, if they (The people who spoke ill about your family) are from Al-Aws tribe we will kill them and if they are from our brothers in Al-Khazraj tribe, just order us and we will cut their necks. Hearing that, Saad Bin Obada (Head in Al-Khazraj tribe and was considered of the righteous men) said out of ardor: I swear by Allah that you are lying, we will not allow you to cut their nicks, you just said like that because you know well that they (Who spoke ill about the Prophet’s family) are from Al-Khazraj tribe, and if they were from your tribe you will not speak like this about them. Usaid replied: I swear by Allah that you are the liar, you are just a hypocrite man defending the hypocrite people. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – got down from his stand and called Ali Bin Abi Taleb and Osama Bin Zaid – May Allah be pleased with them – in order to consult them.

Osma spoke good and said: O Prophet of Allah, it is your family and we know nothing but good about them and these rumors are lies and false. Ali said: O Prophet of Allah, women are many, you can marry again, and you can ask her maid, she will not lie. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – called Brira (the maid) and asked her about the matter. Ali has beaten her severely while saying: speak the truth to the Prophet! The maid was saying: I swear by Allah that I know nothing but good about Aisha except that when I knead the dough I tell her to keep it but she sleeps and forgets it, so the sheep comes and eat it! Then Aisha said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – entered to my room while my parents were with me. There was also a woman from Al-Ansar (People who supported the Prophet) crying with me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down, praised Allah then said: O Aisha, you knew what the people are saying, be pious, and if you committed any thing of what is said by the people just repent to Allah. Allah will accept the repentance. Hearing that, I did not find any tears in my eyes (out of my astonishment of the speech of the Prophet) and expected that my parents will answer on my behalf but they did not do so. I was thinking that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – will see a dream proving my innocence but did not expect that my rank is high to the degree that Allah The Almighty will reveal a verse proving my innocence. I told my parents: Can’t you answer the Prophet of Allah? They replied: We do not know what to say. The matter was very difficult for Abu Baker family.

Aisha said: At that ordeal, the family of my father Abu Baker suffered more than anyone can bear. Then Aisha said: When my parents did not reply, I started crying and said: I swear by Allah I will not repent from what you say at all because if I admit what the people is saying – Though I am innocent – I will be saying what is not happened actually and if I denied, you will not believe. Then I tried to remember the name of the Prophet Yaqoub (Jacob) but in vain, then I said: I will say just like the father of Yousuf: {For me patience is most fitting: Against that which ye assert, it is Allah (alone) Whose help can be sought}. Then the revelation came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him and I put a billow under his head. I did not fear anything because I am sure that I am innocent but my parents feared that Allah will reveal something proving the sayings of people. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down sweating heavily. He started wiping his sweat and said: Be happy Aisha, Allah The Almighty has revealed your innocence. I said: All praise be to Allah The Almighty. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and recited the following verses: {Those who brought forward the lie are a body among yourselves: think it not to be an evil to you; On the contrary it is good for you: to every man among them (will come the punishment) of the sin that he earned, and to him who took on himself the lead among them, will be a penalty grievous}.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: The story is right and it is mentioned in Al-Bukhari & Muslim – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Fiqh Al-Sira  – Page or number: 288

Giving Time to Adorn themselves

We went for a battle with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and I was riding on my camel but someone followed me from behind and began urging my camel with a stick; so, my camel went forward quickly more than the best camels. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: (Why you are in hurry?). I said: I got married recently. He said: (You married virgin or not?). I replied: not virgin. He said: (Isn’t it better to marry a young girl so that you can make fun with each other?). Then, when I went to consummate the marriage the Prophet – peace be upon him – said: (Wait until night – i.e. After Al-Isha (evening) – so that the bride can comb her hair and get ready).

Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 5079

Considering their Psychology while in Illness

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was, if one of his family members sick, reading Al-Falq verse and An-Nas verse on the sick member of his family and wiping him with his hands. When he got the sick which caused his death, I started reading the said two verses and wiped him with his own hands because they are more blessed than mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 2192

Bringing Good News and Joy to them

Jabril (Angle of Revelation) – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame’ Al-Sahih  – Page or number: 3820

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – told her: “Jabril is telling you his greetings” Aisha replied: tell him my greetings.

Jabril – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told these good news to Khadija and was very happy for her.

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In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

In-laws or Outlaws

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbid all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion; He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.”

(Surah An-Nahl: Verse 90)

Almost every society especially the ones flourishing in subcontinent or the ones influenced by subcontinent culture is a huge victim of interference of both parents and in-laws in the affairs of  children especially after their marriage. Parents should understand that Allah has bestowed upon them set of responsibilities towards their children and like versa.  However it is evidently clear from Quran and Sunah that children are not the properties of their parents and vice versa and therefore no-one owns no one.  Every time either party goes beyond their already set responsibilities or expectations— injustice shall arise and chaos shall be inevitable/un-avoidable. Surely in that case, involved party shall be answerable before Allah!!!

Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise practice is deeply rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interferences.  Kindly find below refreshing take on certain aspects to help sort out this serious issue:

01.  Love & Jealousy - One should learn to accept that different kind of love exists and each has its own capacity and its importance, eg. Children’s love to their parents, husband’s love to his wife, brother’s love to his sister and so on. Once either son or daughter gets married, mothers commonly feel jealous that their children love their spouse more than them. Kindly understand that the love of your children towards you is always there and could not be compared with their bond and commitment towards their spouses.

02.  Confidence – Be confident in your children’s love and do not suspect them just because they need to divide their time towards spouses after the marriage.  Be sure to keep loving you them as before and let the children know of it.    Always let them know that you are there for them no matter what for any guidance

03.   Care – Common issue relating to care and looking after parents after marriage is that parents often wrongfully blame their son in-law or daughter in-law for not taking care of them enough or at least that’s how it is perceived —this is mainly applicable to situations where daughter in laws are concerned. It should be very clear that it is mainly the duty of children themselves to fully accept and fulfill their responsibilities towards their own respectful parents.  Majority of the times, parents either fail to realize or still in denial to accept that in many cases it is their own children’s negligence and only they are to be blamed—this applies mainly to cases where son responsibilities are concerned towards its own parents.

04.  Consultation – When one gets married, issues relating to spouses/marriage are bound to emerge—in which case one can always go to their parents or in-laws for guidance. Make sure that one should consult them and should not complain to them. If one comes across as complaining to their in-laws about their daughter or son—it shall be taken negatively and shall always create a negative impression.

05.  Advice for parents/in-laws- Remember always to advise your children rather than ordering them or imposing your suggestions on them.

06.  Involvement of parents/in-laws – Don’t get involved in the details of your children’s marriage life– let them explore and experience their lives on themselves.  Let them handle things on their own unless they come to you for your help and advice! Remind yourself all the time, that when you got married you wished the same.

07.  Gifts – Often give gifts, small and immaterial it may seem, to your parents and in-laws as it has a magic effect.  Love needs expression so such kind gestures show one’s love and care to them. Always remember to be fair and just between parents and in-laws.

08.  Forgiveness – Whatever your parents or in-laws say or do–always be willing and ready to let issues go by.  Allah loves those who forgive and forget and is considered one of the best attributes to have.

Keeping in mind the Qur’anic verse where Allah says;

”and treat your parents with kindness; if either of them or both reach old age in your presence, do not say *Uff* to them and do not rebuff them, and speak to them with the utmost respect. And lower your wing humbly for them, with mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Have mercy on them both, the way they nursed me when I was young.”

(Qur’an 17:23-24)

 09.  Privacy of couples—Keep your family matters within the walls do not disclose them unless it is necessary.

10.  In-law’s respect and care for daughter-in-law - Let the daughter-in-laws know of your respect, care and love for them specially through your actions. Express her of your happiness and satisfaction upon her marriage to your son, and how wonderful of a wife she has been to him. If she happens to be a mother, tell her what a wonderful mother she is. No one ever gets tired of hearing sincere compliments. Do compliment her and say “JazakAllah” when “JazakAllah” is due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture is a duty to her towards that needs to be obeyed.

11.   Realizing that you are you and she is she- Your daughter-in-law will most likely do things differently than you. If it bothers you, just smile and bear it. Don’t try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, the little details aren’t important. Don’t let them cause tension between you.

12.   To Mother in-laws - You have seen each one of them grow from young ladies, to loving, caring women. Give them the same unconditional love that you give your sons.

13.   To Mother in-laws - They were raised by families with different backgrounds than yours. They each have their own ways of doing things. They have learned a lot from you, and, hopefully, your relationship will get better with time.”

Needless to say, some of the comments above may be relevant to fathers-in-law as much as it is to mothers-in-laws. In order to sustain the key elements of a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law/ son-in-law a concerted EFFORT is to be made in establishing and maintaining it. Nonetheless, as this article has concentrated on the mother-in-law; it is not intended to portray a one sided approach or to demonize them in anyway. To equally sustain and maintain this balance—it requires and needs the daughter-in-law/ son-in-law play their parts with similar awareness, respect, care and patience. As the cliché’ goes: “It takes two hands to clap”.

14.  Be a good wife and be a good husband that no one will ever criticize you.

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.)

(Qur’an 41:34-35)

- Allah knows best -

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